Uncertainly Certain

Attended Adele Lim's talk on Writing for TV series. If you don't know her, google her. She's awesome, a Malaysian whom made it to the Hollywood fame. Some of her works include One Tree Hill, Private Practice, Los Angeles and more.

I can't believe that I drove all the way there, without really knowing the roads, sat in the auditorium alone with a whole bunch of strangers and did the rest of the 'carrying myself' through the session. By the way, the parking system there is so weird.

Been having church practices non-stop again this year. Christmas is coming. I hope that one day I would be able to sit back and relax (actually I did that already last year) and enjoy Christmas service without fretting about presentations and trying my best to remember all my parts on the keyboard and the band. Well, it's an honour serving the King in His house, especially on His birthday. So, no complains. Do it with a cheerful heart; do it with excellence!

Anyway, today, (yea yea, the girl who's searching for her directions in life, it you're bored, don't read. I sometimes get bored of it too heheh) come to think about it, all these while I love to plan, plan, plan and get my security from those planning. My staying here wouldn't be the same like my sister, lawyer for the rest of her life! I thought that mine would have the same fixed job forever and ever Amen, but, it looks like I'm not destined to have that kind of life. Clearly, I have to solely depend on God's provision, directions, and especially financially. I have choices to make, what I wanna do, and so much more to discover what I like to do. But at the end of the day, I know that music will always be the focus, because He chose to gimme that gift and I have to serve Him in that area. God knows what the reason is behind it, I don't know, but He's sure that that gift is suitable for that person; He's sure that this gift is suitable for Dapernie Wee.

I'm positive that God is not a boring God. He loves adventures.
I'm also expecting a lot from Him next year. Even thought I don't quite figure what's gonna happen next year. Life is so uncertainly certain. Fun, but it requires you to take a new level of faith each time.

Good thing I'm not working in offices 9 to 5 kind of theng. My forehead would magically print out the word 'BOREDOM' for my boss to read.

Stuck Truck On A Highway

The car door was slammed. I peered outside my window, only to find a MAS air hostess standing at her gate, both hands dragging the luggage bags. It's my neighbour. She's back and her little son came out happily to greet his mother home. After a few minutes, another car came roaring at my neighbour's front gate. It was a black monster truck (that's what I called it, coz it's big and high). There came the man of the house. I bet he's happy at the very moment, after the long waiting for his wife to come home from work. Do I really want that kind of life in 10 years down the road?

***

Went out for lunch with bro. Overheard a table talking about business and plans and what and how about work. I love planning, oh yes I do, especially when it comes to the detail work. When I got back from a wedding rehearsal yesterday and started thinking to myself, what an event planner's life would be. Stressful and tiring, yet it's going to be a satisfying result once the event is done and was carried out wonderfully. You get to see all sort of people in the event and all, and look around feeling proud of your work. But the downside is that you have to sometimes work on Sundays. I love weddings, fairs, parades, birthdays, anniversaries, reunions, graduations, fashion shows, concerts and all (I think everybodeh loves that too right) I want to see things planned out well and smooth and everyone enjoying the night. The food, deco, drinks, programs and what not. Events planning sound like an interesting job.

***

I looked through the profile of some film composers like Randy Newman, only for today I just thought of googling him. Something about film scoring that always keeps me attracted to it. It's the music. The song writing. The composing. The lyrics. The job of course, and that I don't really have to put on live shows on pubs, bars and clubs. I get to stay at home or be in a studio with producers and other cool musicians, and sometimes, the team might travel. At the end of the day, once the movie is out, everyone would feel proud of something they did in the movie and everyone's watching it and that is just so awesome after all the hard work and sleepless nights. And you can edit the soundtracks and make them into perfecto musico. That's all that I can picture now but of course there's more.

-----

So, I hope to have a conclusion soon. The fees for Berklee is getting darn expensive. If I switch my direction, 2 years is ICOM is gonna be a waste. It's like Imma stuck truck on the highway. God, please show me which way.

Sincerely,
Daphne

This Is Our God : What Child Is This

This is the God that I've heard of since young, and now serving Him.

I've always wanted to do lots of things for Him. I've always thought that I should do something for God so that He is made known through me my lifestyles, attitude, personality, character, ministry, music career, family and relationship to make Him happy and proud of me. Bla bla own strength, own plans, own thinking, self-righteousness. Yes yes, we also ought to make sure all of these go well with Christ. With the help of the HS and depending of God's might. I know He can do everything, even the impossible ones. We all have heard of it, it's in the Word.
Truth is, even when I didn't love Him first, He already did- He already love me and is willing to do anything for me. That includes you, even if you can't believe it, it's done already. Just like how you got a free pass you don't have to pay for your parking ticket, because someone has already paid for you, you don't believe it but it's already done. Just accept it and enjoy the privilege. And of course appreciate it and be thankful.

Most of the time, being brought up in a Christian family, hearing so much about God and all, only experiencing Him can change everything. Words come to life, heart got convicted, life transformed, truths that set me free, learning how to think like Christ, be an overcomer and so much more and it's amazing.

In Him, there is no fear. But there is love, hope and power to overcome tough stuffs in life.

Fragments of Thoughts

My FB needs a cover photo soon, and a new profile picture. My Twitter cannot survive if it's just a green egg. And my blog... It's so full of words.

Okay! I will add albums to my FB soon. And more pictures on blog. After 23rd of December I hope.

I still think it's kinda a waste of time doing all these.

Coz, there's a lot of photos if I wanna upload them.

Anyway, am lovin' the morning rainy weather today :)

Happy.

When doing

Note to self and all my beloved friends reading this:

Do everything, everything with a cheerful heart, for God. It won't go to waste, time and effort, sacrifices and everything else. You know you have made a friend, in fact the most important friend you can ever have, smiled, and He is very happy. It will be meaningful.

Tho' the results may not be visible right now, remember that we have sown the seed for next time.
Rewards may not appear straightaway, but don't lose hope and don't quit believing.
Healing may not come instantly, maybe in a gradual manner.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for it. It is being certain of what we do not see.
This God I serve keeps His promise, read Hebrews, or 1 Peter chapter 1 or Romans or any part of that book. I believe in every word said in it. It strengthens. It gives hope when we have nothing to cling on to.

After all, when we suffer, we are full of joy because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the HS, whom He has given us.

Before I sleep tonight

You know what's the best thing everr to do?

Enjoy the present. Not thinking about the past (but you can appreciate what's from the past- successes, failures and disappointment, count them all as learning and be thankful) and not worrying about the future!

Enjoy the present!

Work smart. Eat well. Spend well- time, money and love.

Seek first the Kingdom of God. God will take care. It was hard to put in action at first, but I learn to give him back my future because I robbed it away from His hand. No point worrying and stressing out like a freak that cause you to be dull and sulk like a long cucumber. Also, no point frowning about the past, it won't do any good for your future and especially your present. So why waste time and energy dwelling the past and living in the future so much, Dafahnie?

Enjoy every present moment. Be a blessing to others and find satisfaction and fulfillment when we serve others. Tired at first, but I remember once someone (oh cwrappp I forgotten who that fellow is shucks) said that STRENGTH IS FOR SERVICE, NOT STATUS.

I remember who it is!! It's Sidney Mohede and I'm too lazy to delete what I've just typed above.

Anyway, God will give strength to those who need it. Strength to serve others, not to build my own "kingdom", reputation, power and influence. Tiring, to have to maintain and keep up with whatever that needs to once you're in the lime light. I want to see others happy more than anything else coz that makes me happy. It's beautiful when you see smiles on faces, don't you think so? Smiles are gifts from God.

Ok, maybe not so much on this cheeky kid hahahah!

Rawr!

:)
Teehee!

Goodnight.

Happy Feeling

I thought that my Arranging for Horns was terrible, that's why my final grade was a C+

(I've never gotten a C+ before in my exams! Okay, lies, except for one English paper in college last year, coz I wrote out of topic about Beatlesmania, and Physics in one of my form 4 monthly exams). Anything below B- is badd.

So, I sought for comments from my lecturer and he said that my project was a pretty awesome chart. In fact I got an A for my finals! But but, what went wrong? Was it because of my first project? That I've submitted late? And my saxes aren't coming out after I burned them in a cd. Or it was just plain... terrible. Anticipating for his second reply on FB right now.

This brighten up my day today. If I didn't have asked him, I might suffer from this "I-suck-in-arranging"syndrome forever and it becomes a huge stumbling block in me. This taught me a lesson too. Never give up hope so easily. Even if it's really terrible, try again. If it's the 11th time you still don't make it, then give up (Okay this is my theory hehe) and move on with something else in life. At least now that I know my project isn't a dump or a bunk idea, I still can do something about it by improving whatever I need to improve.

Sis is coming back from KK later. Sent my car for service. Happy. Transcribing a Christmas song for the church. Pitch Perfect tomorrow with my friends (I hope it turns out haha). Supposed to go for rock climbing with my high school friend but I have practice in church later on. Bought like so many dresses for Christmas season. Looking forward to 2 functions to attend this weekend. And and, mom's making lasagna for lunch righttt now!! Omgaah I'm rambling again.

Just feelin' happy.

:)

Right Now

Maybe all these while I've been using my own strength.
No wonder the tiredness and endless frustrations, when things didn't turn out the way I wanted.
Harsh, but maybe I needed these to teach me a lesson.

That awful feeling when you choke on your tears.

Simple Christmas Message

I find this message is so cute. Dad shared this from his friend who've emailed him early today.
It's Christmas month everyone! Christmas is a time to love.
It's not just a celebration with performance, food, fun and music, it's deeper than that. If only we could search a little more in this Christmas season.

It's all about LOVE!
:)

Lucy

Narnia has this great impact every time I watch it, especially on our walk with God, individually. That's what that makes me wanna watch Narnia every time, in every seasons of life, to remind me of who God is and what He can do. There's so many insightful words and meaning in it and CS Lewis is the all time one of the greatest writers ever in history. I wish I could meet him but he's... dead.

:(((

One of the scenes that I really love in the 2nd Narnia is at 2:21. Lucy knows that with Aslan, not any evil or powerful men can shake her faith. She doesn't look at the circumstances around her, she trusted Aslan because she knows who He is, and what He can do. All she needs is Aslan. I love it because Lucy knows she couldn't do it alone by herself (to take down all those men) and she has only one small dagger with her. But behind her, there stands the Great King Aslan. She fears not of the situation and what men can do to her. Thus, she walks confidently on the bridge (another significant event, bridges : when we cross something in life), knowing who's with her.

La Luna (Pixar)

I've watched this a long time ago but it still makes me wanna eat the stars! Crunchy. Inspiring.

Crap

I need to unwind myself here. But I just couldn't do it here. Coz all people do is talk and judge. When they see your new status on FB, Twitter post or blogs.

You guys just gotta stop having so much expectation on me as a musician.
And if I don't do this and that for you, you judge! What the hell.
Throwing me last minute jobs and all because no one wants to take them, well cut it out!

Loose no hope

You didn't give up on me; You won't and You never will.
That's why I can have hope in You, even when there isn't left any place for me to believe.

I am going back to discipline tomorrow. Start by cleaning my room, cleaning the bathroom, keep the 3 baskets of clothes loaded in em (all these my sister can escape cz she'll be away in an AWESOME holiday in KK), start arranging the Christmas presentation song, and my cousin's wedding songs that is coming up really soon! Omgahhh.

Enough of going to bed and waking up in the morning feelin' crappy about myself and not doing something productive and just sulk all day.

I'm also gonna apply for MAS and Berklee's scholarship audition and admission that is so so coming up.

It's okay to try. Like for the MAS. Just submit it into God's loving hands. When there's a NO, it's a loving no from the Father who knows everything; what's going to happen, does it suit me or not.

I should learn the trade about music, since I'm called to do this. I shouldn't be looking to the left or right and be nossy about people's business; what are they doing, what are they getting and their fabulous pay. Just take my time. But but, I thought that I too should be doing something and blossom like an awesome flower in the field. It's just not the time, yet. My time will come. Just set my heart right with the loving Father and give my best in big things or little things I do, without loosing hope, even when things didn't turn out the way I want them to be.

Never ever loose your hope! Hope in Jesus. Only He can guarantee our future. Loosing hope is dangerous it can even take away your zeal.Without hope, a man's life becomes meaningless, it's like death inside the soul. It isn't pleasant. Really.

I wish

Getting stuck is a no no fun. Not cool. Now I know what it feels like to be an aimless person. Driving without a direction; staring into thin air; playing the piano without emotions; and eating without feeling full (okay not to that extreme hehe).

I wish to be like the little kids playing swing in the playground at 4:43pm. Remember the view you look up the sky while swinging? Awesome. I wish to be like the girl in sweat pants cycling in town, when she can actually choose to drive a car but she chose the other alternative. I also wish to understand how those two black birds on the field live so freely.

Close my eyes, every night, wishing that all my worries would go away when I open my eyes the next morning. But, things just don't work that way.

I wish this season would end soon. I'm afraid of loosing my zeal and hope at this young age. It shouldn't be this way. Maybe one would just encourage me and slap me on the head. Maybe I'm just so terrified of the truth that I just wouldn't wanna admit.

Live to Love

Oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the South of France
let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters
and teach them how to dance
let's get rich and build our house on a mountain
making everybody look like ants
from way up there, you and I, you and I, you and I.

Ingrid Michaelson- You and I

I dream of a life like that- carefree enough not to worry about money and all.
Live to love!

Caught up in space and time

Honestly, I don't know what's next in life for me. I've come to a point where uncertainties covered my view and it's far beyond my imagination to imagine what is it like the future for me.

I finally completed my 2-year Berklee Transfer Programme in ICOM. Things that I've learned and grown so much throughout the times in college have taught me some valuable lessons to mature from a teenager to a young adult very soon. High school years wasn't a place for me to learn, I was comfortable with it. But to me, college is the playground for survivors.

That's when who you decide to become, which friends you decide to mix with, whom you decide to pledge your loyalty to- yourself, your friends, or God.

College years took me out from my comfortable shell. I was forced to dive into the deep ocean without knowing what's in it. But I survived! And it wasn't easy. So much confusion and frustration along the way. All these were necessary for me. Edges have been trimmed. So much has been groomed to be a young woman.

This time, I'm frank enough to tell everyone, including God; He's the centre of my life, that I'm tired. Running in miles after miles, a good break would help to refresh my mind, my thinking, my dreams, my ambitions and my passion.

So many decisions waiting to be decided. I feel like putting everything into halt for a moment and run away from decisions making. It's frustrating! Time is running so fast and it waits for nobody- not for the rich, not for the famous, not for the talented, not for the powerful, not for the poor, and not even for the cat that passes by my house door every day!

I don't have a conclusion tonight. Just wanting to let thoughts and insights float through space and eventually the good and right ones in sync with God's become a reality.

So Faithful

It's coming to an end soon. Tomorrow's my last pi exam. And then I'm officially done in ICOM. The 2 years spent in there felt like 4 years.

After tomorrow, I have lots of thinking to do. Christmas presentation, to audition for Berklee again or not, to choose which major, to go for the MAS interview or not, to practice more, to sign up for violin lessons and vocals, to clean my room, to this and to that and also to say goodbye to my friends; some who are leaving Malaysia for good to further study and some going back to their country.

But this morning, driving on the way to church for 8am practice, the morning sun and its golden rays glowed so beautifully in the sky. God's wonderful creation reminds me of so faithful of Him in my life. It doesn't matter how I feel today, He is loyal. His creation is such a nice sight to behold! Oh yes, I do focus on the road when I'm driving.

I was reminded of living for Christ. But I struggle with my own desires and ambitions.
I cannot lose hope. If I do lose hope, I've lost the battle. Christ is the victory. Hold on to Him. Everything I do, I should do it with joy, do it with excellence.

Somtimes, I'm impatient to see the results.

Who's who

An insecure person looks for confirmation and sometimes attention from others and later feel good about themselves.

As sons and daughters of our Father in Heaven, know your identity, know who you are, a royal priesthood and heirs in the Kingdom of God, God's beloved and you're fearfully and wonderfully made, you can rise above any challenges that come in your way.

The challenges may be so big, but you are bigger than the challenges because God is big. And He lives in you.

Skeptical

After the interview in Park Royal Hotel today, I met this guy today whom he introduced himself as the interviewer from Ifeel magazine. Actually, he was tailing me from behind 2nd floor to G floor, I was aware of him tho. So obviously I avoided him until he managed to stop me and make a short conversation. After googling it, apparently it's a chinese magazine from Astro or something like that. He took down my number and we exchanged contacts later.

I'm feeling skeptical about this.

1cm more!

Today's the most exciting day for me. I got up early at 7am and snoozed my alarm till 8.35am. Ehehe. Not so early anymore actually. I was all ready for my interview with SIA in Park Royal Hotel this morning.

Reached there, everyone looked so stunning and smokin' hot. Even the men! Tall and good looking ones were walking here and there. Every girls in the hotel dolled up nicely and put on their best working clothes. Me? Yeah, I put on my make up too and wore my best heels. Esther did some touch up for me. Thanks! :)

Lots of waiting to do this morning. I sat there, thinking, wow sheesh they are all so tall and pretty! Felt like chicken out this time. But I told myself, I've already made my effort to come all they way here, prepared all my documents (looks like my SPM results do still have its use until now) and am already well attired, my as well JUST...do.it. Trying to convince myself, I gulped.

When it comes to my group's turn, there were 9 of us in the room for the first round. We have a total of 4 rounds of interview if I'm not mistaken. Singapore has 6 rounds. So, we entered the room, and thank God my tension has been released earlier and I told myself JUST...do.it. And I wanna do my best. I really wanted this job so much! More than anything else right now.

During the interview, all sort of people you meet.

At the end of the interview, out of 9, only ONE was chosen and my heart sank down when the name was announced as "Wehy Yan Oi". Who the fella is that? Who's Yan Oi?? Who's surname is Wehy??! Everyone was looking around. It was me!! I looked at the form and I was really surprised. Then, a lady took me to the measurement room and my height was taken as 157cm. Whatt? My passport height is 158cm and that was taken 2 years ago. How did this happen? I'm very upset. Very Very upset. One moment I was in cloud 9, the next thing I know I was at the bottom of something something. (Sorry, Im too lazy to think of a good way to describe). Immediate rejection. Bummer. 

From today onwards I'm gona take milk and cheese, and mom's gonna boil me a special soup for me to grow taller. Together with prayer, I'm asking God to help me grow taller, 1cm...2cm...3cm... more! I'm not gonna stop right here. Do you know, the pay and satisfaction of being an air hostess is so much more than doing a professional job or being a musician? Maybe I'm just going thru' the emotions right now, but in logic, yes I'd rather be an air stewardess. Life as a musician is so hard. I can never get this kind of pay as a musician. However, my intention was to just work for 3 years and then back to my music degree. And during that 3 years, I just wanted to travel, get some inspiration, experience and exposure coz I'm very well protected at home, in school and all. I just want to leave home for awhile and do something spontaneous like this.

Anyway, I won't give up. I'm gonna grow a few more centimetres. Out of all these today, I've learnt much on confidence when you present yourself to others. Don't ask me what's my plan right now, I don't have.

Lord of The Rings - The Hobbit (Piano/Cello Cover) - ThePianoGuys

Listening to this on a rainy day :)
Check out his Peponi (Coldplay's Paradise) and One Republic/Beethoven's 5 Secrets rendition.

About to close soon

In a month's time, I might just close down this blog. And start a new one.
I've figured out that I should start and write something fresh and new next year.
Something more insightful and less ramblings around :P
I'll be hitting down the Twenty road next year.
When I read back my super antique blog posts, I couldn't help it at the stuffs that I wrote. My goodness (shakes head) :P
All the memories of being a youth; live, laugh, learn and love shall stay here.
I pretty conclude that my teenage years were brought up in a good environment, with protective parents around me, a good family role model to look up to, a cute little bro to play with, a church to serve and grow up with encouraging friends, and my high school years with all my studious friends- they were crazy bunch too. Good influence people. Everything was so good and nice. Too good and nice, as if I were living to close-to-perfection world. And sometimes I fear, shucks, I'm living in a so protected environment, how am I gonna survive in the real world out there? Especially when I'm gona go to the States soon, all alone, without my family. My family plays an important part in my life, like 90% of it.

But next year on wards, things are going to change. Here comes the line cliche, ready?? I'm gonna start a new chapter of life. Read it like a thousand times coz many have written this kan? That's why I don't like Twilight, because there too many people liked it and it becomes so commercialized. It's overrated, overused, has this overplayed songs Bella's Lullaby and all and it's just so exaggerating. Not that I haven't read the book before, but after one chapter during high school one of the free period, I felt like it's better for me to go back solving my Add Maths problems (that was how boring it was to me :P). Okay if my friend ever read this she might just skin me alive.
College years in Icom were a sneak preview of what's coming ahead, and I find that it's only 'mild'. Long story. But I got the exposure of what is might coming up to me. Scary. But J is in me, to tell me that I can TRUST somebadee to be with me.

I want my holiday. I want it so much like now! Just gota hang in there for another 2 more exams. One is the Ensemble for Pop and Rock, the other is my Piano.
So much in line to do and enjoy during my long break. Can't wait. So can't wait.

:)

Relaxing in Kuantan now. Waiting to go back to KL, actually to college on the way, practice and soundcheck till 9.30pm or 10pm. Exam's tomorrow!

My 10.11.12

Best thing ever : Nothing but a cuppa English tea and some newspapers on a Saturday morning.

PS: I'm wishing for a wishing star to make the days go faster to Thursday. I want my project to end n.o.w. but it looks like it's dreading me.

On Thursday, I'm gona hang out with my siblings and shop! And eat ice cream. And then off for a worship session with Jason Jo in church. Looking forward for Thursday! So looking forward.

I'm so never gonna major in arranging next time, especially for Horns.

Have Your grace in me to help me get done my project. I don't want it a 80% good from me. I want it a 100%.

Today's date looks cool. I wonder this time, how many couples are getting married today.
:P

My One

I don't care whether am I good enough for everyone or not.
But to Someone I care so much on His opinion, here I am, take me as an offering; here I am, giving every heartbeat, FOR YOUR GLORY.

Yes, for Your glory.
I only have one heart, and that is the most that I have in me to give.

Don't feel like

Playing the piano...

Sometimes I feel like playing, other times I'm just so done with it.
Why?
I wonder if it's okay to be this way.

When life gets overwhelming

A few of us decided to go on a spontaneous trip to Penang on Saturday. It was a good break for everyone, well at least I think it is for me :)

Yes yes, I'll upload the photos soon (that's what she said), not on blog, but on FB, when I have time, when I get the photos from my friends. Those guys have good phones and one with a DSLR Canon. The thing is, time passes in KL is always faster than anywhere else. All you KLians, I hope you're with me.

I'm really looking forward for my first long break ever soon, in a month's time. To be precise, my break will start in December. November is like the killer month where assignments, band practices, PI practice and get the band together, presentation (I hate talking in public) and also trying to juggle both church and self in one piece.

Time is the most selfish friend I've ever known! It doesn't wait for anyone. You have to plan well and take control of it. Otherwise, toooooo bad. When life seems to be running so fast, activities after activities and you don't have time to process all your thoughts after a long day, and life just goes on, I've figured out that that is the time where we all need to get away from work and the place where we normally be and go for a holiday.

I dislike being a workaholic. Honestly, there's not much of a point to just work all day and no play. Life is interesting if we just don't make work our main focus. Of course we do work too, and enjoy the fruit of our work. The Bible also tells us to work diligently, and God will bless the work of our hands. But if work is all that it is in life, life becomes meaningless. I want to build relationships with people around me; I want to encourage them; I want to write music that inspires the listeners; I want to be a good example to the next generation. In other words, live to serve others.

I also wanna go for trips with people I care and love. And be away from work once in a while to let my hair down.

Lots of thoughts that I still yet to process them. From work to friends, school projects to family's business and soon, I'll be reaching another cross road of deciding what I wanna do in my career. Okay, but lets not go there yet. I will cross the bridge when it's in front of me. Now, it is time to get my Arranging for Horns project started!

:)

On an Exploration

What makes a person laugh? What makes a person paint with so much inspiration? What makes a person bless another over lunch? What makes a person smile as a sign of respect to an elder as they happened to meet? What makes a person look up at the sky and be thankful for all that he has? What makes a person having a sense of security in his heart, knowing that the future does not bother him?

So, I've decided to do something worth the sacrifice, no matter how long it's going to take or how inconvenient it gets; I'm embarking on a journey of discovery; I'm digging deep into the HEART.

What is heart? What can it do? One thing I know about the heart is that it has the capability to manipulate intentions, desires, dreams, thoughts and the behavior of a person. The heart is influential. What we say, do, feel, think and act come from the inner core of our beings, that is the heart.

I want to know more about the heart. I want to know deep what is it to have a heart for Jesus, and a heart for people. Is it through desperate cries? Is it through something sacrificial- time, money, service, love etc. ? Is it through rejoicing in all circumstances? Is it having self-control over things around?

This discovery is for the best. It's for long term. Doing the right thing is not enough for me. I wanna put in my heart too when I do something. All these, especially in music. Combining these two can be a catalyst in God's kingdom work. Remember, God has a heart too :) Dad's study Bible has a list of key words behind and HEART is one of the MOST listed verses EVER! Okay, if this is what it takes for me and I know the answers are all found in the Bible, I'm gonna do it. After all, it is part of getting to know better about the Creator of HEARTS and I get to understand Him and the heart more.

May God's grace ( a lot of them ) be with me. I need them loads.

Once we know where the heart is, fire will lit up and we burn with passion in all we do.

For JC.

"A Thousand Years" By Christina Perri Covered by Clara C & Legaci

So this is what happened.

I had some fun, crazy 3 weeks. Shall put them all in point form because I'm lazy to organized them in sentence. Teehee. It all started with... Arranging assignment (Asg).

• Didn't have a good sleep because I was working hard on this project with my friend, WeiHsing. Day after day after classes, we reached home around 9pm and started that killer Asg. We didn't sleep all night for at least 3 days consecutively. 
• Then came the week to hand in. We were both late for 20mins and we were extremely exhausted. I'm praying for a miracle and I believe it's already a done deal. God's favour went forth ahead of us.
• Plus, we have like hours of tribute band practice that time. Every evening starting from 6pm till 12-1am. Not to mentioned, our band got shelling. We needed to work on so many areas- the details that count.
• Because I was sleep deprived, my mind wasn't alert enough to walk through my day. I became absent minded : Thought I lost my tribute scores but it was in the recital hall, misplaced my phone, did I lock my car or not and other stuffs.
• I was late for church practice too that week. The 7:45am practice.
• In that week, I also struggled with my teaching job. Should I ask for a salary increase because the boss told me that they will increase after 3 months, but now it's like 7th month already. I'm also teaching some Grade 1 students and they haven't changed the price.
• I had to deal with 1 student who is a little playful and disrespectful towards me in class. Not sure how do I reprimand her. I guess sometimes, a teacher cannot be too friendly with the student. Else, they would take class time lightly which I do not want that to happen. I'm there to teach because your parents paid me to do so.
• I gota be more generous in giving, especially time and money. Still in the process.
• That time, I was evaluating all my actions and intentions. Coz what you sow is what you reap. It was a rough time. I want them to be good and God-glorifying ones, what I do, feel, think and say. I needed wisdom, to handle people especially.
• And then came my PI classes. Hardworking is the word for me. I'm stagnant in/bored with my playing and I wanted a change, an improvement, my playing to be better.
• Also in that week, I had a group presentation to do for Western Music History class. Crazy! Slept over at WeiHsing's place to finish up and 'vomited' everything I knew about Pop and Rock music the next day. We slept at 3:30am.
• Almost every night when I came home, dad would bombard me with all his angry words and I was like really going thru a hard time. He was also stressed that week. But I know he needed to release his tension on somebody. I'm sure we all need that too at some point of time in life. So I became the punching bag for him. Dad loves me with his whole heart. This, I never doubt.
• This week, I sent my Kronos for a repair in CK. God went ahead of me again. It was impossible for the technician to get it done in a day. And God is good. It was fixed in a day and I can use it for Tribute. BUT, I was fined with RM100 because I didn't pay attention to put to the 50cents parking ticket. DBKL fined me when I was taking out my keyboard from CK in less than 5 mins. Madagascar.
• I also thank God for people who moved my heavy keyboards. appreciate those guys. And you know, in Tribute, anything could happen. Key changes like nobody's business, scrap this section that section, where's your stage presence I don't care you're tired or not this is the music industry and we all have to live up to a certain expectation of someone.
• The fun is not over. Now that Tribute is done, I have round 2 Asg to settle. An essay and another arranging project. This time it's Big Band, with 7-15 horns in it. Mamma Mia. Plus, exams are coming up. Lots of stuffs to practice. Violin lessons are coming up too. Whee!

But today, I'm just gonna chill and relax :) Do what I like to do. Eat what I like to eat.
I had one and a half packet of nasi lemak today and fried my eggs this morning. And it's raining now! Loving the weather.
:)

ICS Tribute to the BeeGees

The awesome feeling of waking up, knowing that you don't have to rush!
I really really had a good time with my Tribute band members. Ohh, the photo above, is set 2 keyboardists. I haven't gotten the rest of the photos ;)

Robin, Vicky, Me and Jon Budi.

I don't remember when we started putting in hours of practice time, sacrificed our sleep, got shelling from the 'upstairs' people, sleeping late after practice and coming back early for practice bla bla, but I was enjoying every moment of it. Being part of this Tribute family is one of the best moments I ever had in Icom! It was the right timing for me to join- the people, the band, the semester workload. This Tribute is my first and the last. I love each and every one in this tribute. Be it the person who packed lunch and dinner for us, the macho guys who carried my Kronos up and down, left right centre, the person who held the walkie-talkie just to make sure everyone is in place, the person who arranged the chairs and the ones who played in the band... EDIBODI! I love them from the bottom of my heart. Everyone has put in so much effort, everybody is a somebody in this production.

The unforgettable moment was when our band leader, Robin, formed a circle with our band members, and he decided to take time to pray. I had the privilege to lead my group into prayer! Totally unexpected, and I am so honoured. We have 9-10 people in our band, and all us were a believer. I also remember there was once, during practice, we actually jammed on all the cool Planet Shakers and Hillsongs songs like Break Free, Take Take Take It All, Time Has Come, Hosanna etc. Coz everyone knows the song and everyone served in church before! My heart goes out to some and I really ask JC to remember them, visit them and show them that You love them very much and it's the devil who condemns them and not You.

To have the gifts and talent in music, to be able to play an instrument so skillfully, is the greatest and highest calling. An army is going to be raised, musicians for Christ to take place, all in time, soon. This I believe! God's favour will always be with those who have the heart for Him. Love Him, time is running out, life here is short.

Okie, this is so sakai hehe, but I'm so proud to be an ARTIST. Felt like a superstar :P

Sorry for the mirror-imaged.

Anticipating my break

I'll be graduating from ICOM in 2 months time.
Next year, I have 7-8 months of break before going off to Berklee.
My first long break ever! (Okay, here comes the Malaysian talk.)
I never had a long break before. UPSR exam. I'm from Chinese school, all the subjects were in Chinese and no one in my family could help me. My Chinese school made us take the Kebangsaan BM papers (which was tougher) which was a shocking news to the first two classes of Year 6 pupils. So I studied like cwrap. After that there wasn't a break, I went in to Form 1 straight. Still studying like mad, all the way up to Form 3. Worked like cow for PMR exam. Even during Form 4 and 5, I was taking up tuitions like a kiasu. After SPM, last paper of Biology, I jumped straight for practice like mad for the audition in ICOM (cuz I never touched piano after my grade 8 when I was 14- sorry, if you think this is a show off but I don't meant it this way lah).
Lo and behold, tadaa, I'm in the music line.
I'm a happy kid.
Wonder what God wants me to do in my break.
Tho' I have some plans lined up already.
It's gona be exciting!

Discoveries

2012 is coming to an end soon. In 2-3 months time, I'll be Twenty. Two-and-tee. Throughout this year, I proudly say that I have done a few discoveries. Out of all these discoveries, the utmost valuable gem I've reap is that everything has its timing. You can't rush to know everything in one go, neither can you rush to expect things to be done in just a snap of a finger.

I've experimented with TEACHING starting this April this year- Never really liked working for others (bosses). Plus, I'm tight down with the weekly hourss of teaching piano, I don't get to practice on Saturdays and sleep longer in the morning and have breakfast with my family. Like it or not I still have to do replacement if one of us can't make it, especially those rascals who love to inform me last minute 15 mins before class starts and I have to replace their classes wth because the management said so, arrange the time, be patient with the kids and bla bla. Unless I'm old, and I wanna retire, then I'll reconsider teaching and get 100% from the fees. PERFORMING- The long hours of practicing and perfecting songs are frustrating. I'm part of the tribute band this sem. Enjoyed it, but the rehearsals and commitment can be pretty demanding. I don't mind performing, but it will be my secondary. ARRANGING- I love it and I hate it. I definitely know that I'm not taking this as my major. In other words, CWP (Contemporary Writing and Production) is out of my list. FRIENDS- Mix with the right company. I just went through refining process in this area. It's only the tip of an ice berg, a sneak preview of what's coming my way, before I head to the States. RELATIONSHIPS- It's time for me to not be completely ignorant about it. But right now, I'm enjoying single hood.

I'm growing up. Lots of choices to make. Everyone wants to make the best decision. To do that, don't listen to the heart or the mind for the heart can deceive, and the mind is the devil's workshop. Be in a relationship with JC, He has promised us that we be in His good hands. He leads. Sometimes what He tells us to do just don't make any sense, but what can I say, God is just full of surprises! Follow Him, obey. He sees the bigger picture. He knows. These are the basics, but sometimes situation can get so overwhelming and that would be the testing time of putting faith into action, putting what you've known and heard of like a zillion times into practice.

Take one thing at a time. Everything has its timing. It took me some time to explore, experiment my interests, what I'm good at, what I like to do, know my character, know my identity in JC, building healthy relationships, understand my role and my purpose, etc. I regretted in those high school days, I didn't even consider all these because I was so immersed in the mindset of getting perfect PMR and SPM results (which God has blest me both exams with straight As). High school is not so much about studies. We should be doing some exploring too at that time. But thankfully, I've made the right decision- to pursue the great calling, to be a musician for Christ! The rest of my journey, it's for Him to lead me.

Sleep is all I need

Sitting in the practice room, feeling so exhausted, I wonder will I be able to drive home later.
The drums is so loud. There's two of them going on simultaneously.

It's been 2 days straight I didn't sleep at night. Time was used preciously for my Arranging project. So much effort have been put in. So much sacrifices took place- sleeping, not spending time with family, not watching movies, shopping, hanging out with my friends, and... not practicing. My makan timing is all out. I hope my body system is not mixed up and disturbed by all these.

But, no matter how much I've put in, I was 20 minutes late for submission just now.

I'm just really tired, a little grumpy, fatigue, lethargic whatever that fits the description of "I just want sleep!". But I'm still up for something interesting to happen. I can't rewind time, if only I was a little more early. Puchong is so so far from Setapak. I hate driving in that place, so many cars and it's always jam in that area.

I want to go for a swim. I want to eat as much chocolate as I can without worrying about health problems. I want to watch a boy meets girl movie and cry through the night. I want to cook what I like. I want to practice till my fingers get it right. I want to do this and that. All these, after I wake up. Maybe.

Anticipating

I really can't wait to pass this week.

Wednesday is the day to submit my Arranging for Horns- a super tedious assignment. It looks to me as if it's never ending! But it'll end... I really want it to end soon.
On Friday, it's my group's turn to present some "stuffs" (topics I can't recall from the e-mail) in Western Music History class. Gaaah, I haven't done any of the research yet, and we haven't discussed anything at all and I totally can't remember what are the topics we're supposed to talk about.

And...
Tribute practices.
I look forward to it. It's fun and tiring.

After this week, especially Friday, I'm gonna watch movies from my hard disc like the whole day! And enjoy the last few days of tribute practices before Tribute the day comes.
And then... more practice teehee! Here's the promo video :

Tribute to Bee Gees

An Evening Walk

So, today is Tanglung Festival. Mom actually bought us colourful paper lanterns. This brought me back to my childhood. Reminiscing what we did when we were young with all our neighbours :

-lit up the tanglung and walk around the 'taman'
-lit up candles around our walls and gardens
-took 2 bricks and Milo metal cover tin and the 'masak-masak' began!
-we played this little game of catching 'bad people' in the dark and just run around and laughed so hard. I don't even know what was so funny about it but we just had a great time together :D

I missed my neighbours :) Without them, I wouldn't have had a memorable childhood.

My family and I walked around the neighbourhood. Dad took a picture of us with his BlackBerry. Kinda bad lighting though hehe.

I feel like a child today again :)

Hello.

Just felt like writing something here.. :P

Think again

If you think that I'm a goodie goodie Christian, that I'll always help you, do you a favour and do all your s*** , and plus, if you didn't ask me in a polite way and take me for granted, you be careful of who you're dealing with. I am not subjected to you, neither am I your servant. I serve only one Master and when I serve, I definitely make sure that I'm doing it with my whole heart.

I am not letting anyone pushing me around to do their stuffs.
I used to give in and thought that someone had to be the "peacemaker", but that's not the way.
I'm not a dumb dumb anymore.

Another New Toy

Mommy bought me a v.i.o.l.i.n. today!

I'm all so excited with this new instrument.
I really am.
You have nuuu idea how much I've already long for a violin since... when I was a kid. I have always love violins. Back then in Mentakab, my BFF neighbour took up violin as her second instrument and I used to think how nice if I get to play the violin. She graduated recently with a diploma! :D

Violins are easy to carry around. They have beautiful warm tone (if they are played well) that gives me goosebumps. Although they are a small and handy instrument, they are difficult to be played in the technical part.
It sounds scary sometimes. The thought of "Will I give up half way?" and I told myself that I will persevere. But it's a dream come through for me though (Yes, this sounds cliche, but it is really like a dream come through today *smiley!).

I think violins are pretty, mysterious and... sexy hehe :P
My first violin lesson is coming soon and I'm all so eager about it, it's the same feeling as my first day of music college.

***

I believe that this is a new season for me- exploring season. So many new things popping up like fresh mushrooms- new opportunity, new work, new toy to learn, new mindset, new strength, new music area to explore, new choices to make and so much more. They are all coming in so fast and I'm excited and overwhelmed. My heart must be still and discern which is to take and choose wisely, nevermind I know when I ask HS, He will tell me. Updates coming up soon because I gtg now. Why? Where? I'm dreading for teaching tonight. Urghh, replacements replacements. Seriously?! Some of your terms and conditions don't make sense to me.
PS: I'm quitting on this teaching centre end of this month. It's a workaholic environment over there with no mercy and a kind pay, and I'm really upset about it. But, I'll be still teaching in the other music centre.

The 3 Things

I once came across to a friend of mine who put this as her 'About Me" on FB :

"You can't get to know me on FB."

I second that!

3 Things:

One: I can relate more when I talk to a friend in person.

Two: I don't post what's personal to me.

Three: I rarely update my statuses and photos on the net.

Ignore the grey arrows hehe!

To me, I'd rather talk face to face to a person than having conversations through FB, Twitter and Blogs. It's more meaningful to have a friend spending time with me in person. It feels more real to me rather than us chatting in an internet chat space. UNLESS... The practical side, that is, my friend is living in a far far away land and that's necessary to use social network to connect. Or it's something urgent that we need to talk over the net. 

I also wouldn't wanna write my personal stuffs in any of those social network and tell them in public. There's a thing I use regularly and it's called the "Journal" (Tadaa!:) ), where privacies and secrets are kept in it, where only the author alone knows. All my experiences, personal insights, thoughts and feelings, I do not update them in my FB and Twitter statuses, including Live.Laugh.Learn.Love.

Even normal events about what I've done, where I've been, photos taken, what I ate and every single thing that I'm doing, I don't do much updating in my statuses. I guess I'm not as gung ho as my other friends who took the initiative to 'beautify' their profiles with pretty wall papers, uploading nice pictures, pen down insights and statuses and all.

...

It's never ending! :P

So, stuffs that I write on social networks are just stuffs to share with friends, and I've already made sure that it's alright for me to write them in public. FB is considered as public to me! Therefore, I only limit a few friends in my Twitter (it's still public to me heh..)

Yes, you can't get to know me on FB, Blogs and Twitter. Maybe a little.

:)
Have a good day tomorrow!

Another child prodigy loh

When I was 4...

I was playing Mary Had a Little Lamb and Jingle Bells.

...

There are plenty of children like him out there. Parents should know what's best for their kids because of their incredible ability.
The title of this vid may seem a bit offensive, but my attention is only on this little kid.
PS: I don't really understand canto. Anyway, just watch the little fingers swift on the piano lah! Don't think so much! :)

Brian Tyler, Film Scoring

Thank my friend, he told me about Brian Tyler.
So I googled search him in HERE.
He plays like 50 instruments, UCLA and Harvard grad.
I was just watching all his tutorial vids on youtube. I'm gonna watch the 9 youtube vids and just listen to his composition on the linked page.
I'm also checking out another guy soon, Michael Giacchino, because bro is watching Super 8 now and I heard the background music.
This Michael guy, Juilliard grad.
Man, these guys all are inspiring me with their compositions.

Treble Clef, anyone?

Today, I've realized that music students are one of the interesting people on earth.
When I entered music college, I thought that these students all play music on fresh green grass (there ain't pretty green grasses in ICOM...) eat music, and sleep music. They probably are all happy-go-lucky-ians which turn all their problems and sorrows into lyrics and melodies. Plus, I'd thought that music students hate studying books that's why they study music because Maths and Biology became their enemies.

But you'll soon find these kids highly intellectual and sophisticated, slightly more sensitive and emotional human beings than the rest of the kids who don't study music. Just because we kids didn't want to grow up working in offices and departments, doesn't mean that we're slackers, retarded and weird. We're just being a little creative and imaginative with our thoughts and views about life, people and everything. Surprised, you may get when you find a 'him''s parents both are doctors and he ended up as a musician. Or another whose father or mother is an engineer or a dentist. I met a couple of friends who were almost similar with me, thinking of studying in med school before making a risky choice to pursue after music.

Risky?

Yeah. Musicians do not have much stable pay compared to a lawyer, a dentist, a teacher, an engineer and a vet. We may be looked down by society, where some may think we're less useful to the world because we don't give services like doctors and finance consultant all, where they think we're not really good with our studies because only half the side of our brains are working, and that we're so emotional we may act like a freak when we perform and express our thoughts and feelings through music. Well, it takes a lot of courage, boldness and... lots of thinking to do first for someone before stepping into this field. Even parents are skeptical in sending their children to study music. I thank God both my parents trusted my decision because we know God is at hand.

So. Since music school is ranked as the second most expensive course ever (I guess Med school is the most costly one), I will make sure my parent's hard earned money not go to waste. I will also make sure that God's talent in me will not just sit there and do nothing, but to serve others with it. Music is easy. Your head, my head, their heads and everyone's heads. Well, maybe it is slightly easier, coz' we don't have to do lab experiments, reports, thesis and test papers full of fun facts and theories from the great noble inventor and founder of something great. But we do have tougher parts too like practicing, working with a band, working on improving our playing and techniques, getting jobs bla bla. It's a musician's world. We all strive to survive. We work while we're studying. Age is not a matter. Gaah so many things.

Nothing is easier than this or that. Everything has something to work on this and that.

***
My dad mistaken me as my sister, thought I owed him >rm700++ in his credit card. Scared the cwrap out tha' me.

Can I bury my head now?

How is that so, everyone I know (almost everyone) has already gotten things figured out in their lives?
Like, they know what they're passionate of, they know which direction to head to, they know what are their callings and ministries, they know what they're good at, they just seem to know what's going on in their lives.

Most of the time I don't know about everything. Well, maybe I know a little of those stuffs mentioned above. But I don't know whether is it God's will or not, and it takes time to seek Him.

Seeing all my friends and family members being outstanding and achieving in what they do, I became anxious and  frustrated.
That feeling sucks.
I'm happy and proud of them, really I am. But I want it too.
How's mine so slow.. I'm not seeing it.

Was it because I didn't put enough effort in it?
But they seem to succeed things in life so fast, as though it's by chance or favour.
Was it because I was fearful of new things and have missed that opportunity?
Again and again?
...
This, sucks.

Amazing Grace Live in Cape Town/Tokyo

Fourplay playing Amazing Grace hehe!
Vid1: Live in Cape Town
Vid2: Live in Tokyo Jazz Festival.

I love the 2nd one :)

A New Tide Coming

I'm feelin' so excited!
All ready to set things right.
All ready to try new things.
All ready to meet new people.
All ready to practice.
All ready to just... practice!

Singing, violin, piano, drums, composing, writing, film scoring, arranging, performing and practicing (that's all I can think of now).

First, I'm gonna say goodbye to all of my students except for two. I will miss each and everyone of them because we became attached in this 6 months together.
I have to. I gotta explore the other side of music.

The thought of leaving behind a stable pay job scares me to a small island in Luluhama which it doesn't exists. It's an uncalculated risk I'm taking. But, I'm 19 and still tender in age. What is life then without having to take risk and step out of the circle? To see big waves, go to the sea. If I stand by the river, hoping to see big waves, myself sell flowers by the roadside right?
I have the peace to do things like that. Trust. TRUST is a big word, and know that everything is in my Father's good hand. Close ones who know me, know me well enough that I won't risk unless I'm sure. But this time, however, it's a little different. I'm blur but sure.

Better start exploring as much as I can now while I still have the brains and energy.
That is, of course, with Jesus walking with me along the path.
Otherwise, without Him, that path will only lead to destruction and ultimately, death.
Be careful Daphne. Listen closely to the still, small voice. Sharpen your discernment. You wouldn't wanna end up like a fool.

Keyboard awaits me!

Ops, I'm sorry. Really?

When someone has wronged you, how do you know which is your apology language?
-When he/she expresses regrets?
-When he/she is accepting responsibilities?
-When he/she is determine to make restitution?
-When he/she genuinely repents?
-When he/she requested for forgiveness?

Take the quiz: Apology language
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

Wonderful, so wonderful!

Wherever you go, to a good or not so good land, the blessings of God will make you prosper with authority because you know who you are. -Pastor Mario E.

How to choose a good decision?
-Find something that stirs your heart
-Find something you love to do
-Know that God is with you.

It's just like Abraham whom he gave Lot to benefit to choose between the two lands. The good land was taken by Lot and he left Abraham with the not so good land. Ah, shucks. That was what Abraham might be thinking. But he knows, that the blessings of God is with him. He obeyed.

To me, the Blessings of God are:
-His favour to be with you in your work, your ministry.
-He'll provide all that you need.
-He'll even want to bless you with goods so that you can enjoy life after all your hard work.
-He'll multiply.

Once we know who we are and who we are serving, we will never be poor or miserable. We rise up as princes and princesses of heaven, to walk on earth with authority and shame the devil, to be heavenly minded and over come the natural with the supernatural power of God.

The Kingdom of God is so wonderful!

On Time

I see so many of my beautiful female friends, especially the ones with pure hearts- inward beauty- and with character. So much so, they are still single. Why?
They have the looks.
They have the character.
They have the heart for God.
They have the brains.
They have a good sense of humour too!

Where are all the godly men? (Not the religious ones, mind you.)

Guys, fight for us, fight for the ladies. Guard your heart from all evil things. Keep away from what your flesh desires, what your emotions tell you to do, but keep your eyes fixed on JC. Then you'll know what to do.

Meanwhile, my wish and hope to my single girly friends : Don't fret. Don't fuss. Turn all your frowns upside down. There is definitely that one man that is guarding his heart for you because you too are guarding your heart until you're for each other. The Big Boss up there knows and He sees.
He is planning. He's not late, He's only on time.

I can't say of much now.

But I know mine would have a story too to pen down one day.

We Are Family

I was a Sunday Christian. But you taught me to be an everyday Christian.
I was abandoned outside. But you welcome me with open arms.
I lost my family. But you extended your love to me, took me in as yours.
I was hungry, and you gave me milk and food.
I couldn't love, but you show me how through all your lives.
I though that all my hopes have gone down the drain, but you taught me the Kingdom of God to be over comers in Christ, to stand up again and fight, and know my identity in Christ.
I lost my passion for music, but you gave me a place to serve the King again.
All that I was given, my heart is deeply grateful for your kindness, love and hospitality.
Every Sunday, I now look forward to be with all of you because
You are my family- HIS Church. And all the Thursday practices too. Every moment when I'm in the presence of this big family, in that place, I feel at home. But one day, we all will move into a bigger home that will last forever and I know it'll be great because we will be together forever.

Family love one another. Everything you did for us, you gave us the best. You did it all out of love for your children.

I will miss you so much when I leave for Boston.

Lets do this!

I remember Mom said this to me about giving birth: (Giving birth??)

"If everyone can do this, wth, so can I,"

But now, I'm not talking about the distress of giving birth. I'm talking about some other anguish.

"If everyone can do this, wth, so can I,"

Practicee! Even if it takes (such a loooooooo*yawns*oooooong) time to see the results and it hurts the fingers.

"If everyone can do this, wth, so can I,"

El Oh Wee Ee, LOVE!:)

They are 5 love languages to love and being loved by your loved ones :

1. Time
2. Action
3. Gifts
4. Words
5. Touch

Have you found yours?

Blue blue no more

I'm feeling a little blue today.
But a few college friends of mine took time to chat with me, encourage and motivate me.
Thanks!:)

Continue waiting

Giving up is the worst option ever.
Do not do it.
Press on, be patient. Persevere. God is not slow in His promises. He's always on time.

A quitter never finishes and a finisher never quits.
(Gota thank my SMK Seksyen 3 for that words of encouragement on the mural painting wall)

?

Why am I sitting here for?
What am I doing?
Should or shouldn't I be doing something?

Chug-o-choo

Relationships are the toughest ship to navigate. They are difficult and complicated.
One moment the ship is saying to be sailing on calm sea, the next thing you know it's going through a rough, bad weather and the ship is tossed. Whoosh!

Broken, and you know it takes time to repair.

Will I trust them again? Will I see you as the same way I first saw you?

Love, even though I don't like (them).

the Daphne

It took me almost 2 years to finally understand something.
That I be the Daphne God has designed me.
That all I have to depend on is Jesus.

I never felt comfortable to sweet talk the "in" groups so that I can be in it.
Not that I never tried, in some point of life there's the trial and error moment.
I thought that it was the way of life if you want to succeed- connections, friends, to get a job, recognition, promotion, being popular etc.
After all, having people like that really looks cool on a musician. Musicians die die also must have contacts kan? But I do not want to have my contacts by being who I'm not, and to compromise with things that I'm uneasy about and all. It ain't right for me.

But the more I tried, the more stifling I get. At the end of the day, I wasn't myself and it was like I had bind up my own hands and feet, and lived in darkness. What was so beautiful in the eyes of the Lord had been hidden inside by me, just to mask myself because I fear the fear of rejection and having to fail something. This ain't right for me again!
At the end of the day, being 假假 is not what I want, even if it's just one bit of it.

Be unique, be authentic.

Friends of mine, they have really good mouths, and then I started to panic!
I'm not so a good speaker like them, but I do talk when it's necessary. I tried to be like them but it'll just make things funny.

So, I want to just be the Daphne that I'm comfortable with, the Daphne that God is pleased with.
If that person can succeed, I too can. I can because I have Jesus. As long as I remember Him, obey Him, He'll see me through all seasons of my life.
People's comments about myself won't bother me so much. The most important comment comes from my Father in Heaven, and my family whom I trust these people have no intentions to harm me but to help me grow.

Going out now to bring bro and family for Sammy's Adventure2 3D tonight. My treat because I got my gaji today nyeheh. Tata!

Double agent

What goes into your mouth does not make you 'unclean'. It's what comes out of your mouth that makes you unclean.

Water reflects your reflection. The heart reflects who you really are.

I sigh when I see Christians are the biggest hypocrites.

I'm not saying that I'm better than anybody. I'm also not perfect. But I try to live by the Word.

Sometimes, most of the time, claimed Christians can be the worst.

You talk so much like you know everything and you look down on others.

You claim to be one of Jesus's followers, but you don't live like one.

Instead you slander and you gossip.

You never set a good example.

Shame on you.

Enough is enough!

Few things to ponder over.

I am growing up.

I will make my own decisions.

And stand firm with that decision.

I do not want to pretend anymore. 

Just to be in the what seem like a cool gang to hang out with,

Just to please you

and gain your favour.

I thought that by compromising and tolerating with your demands,
Becoming like the way you think, you talk and you behave,

I would finally fit in and be welcomed.

Not anymore.

I was so blinded! The line to differentiate good and bad is not that vague actually. Yet, I acted as if everything is all good. That rope of hope I used to cling on- that bullies and divas somehow will see that little ray of light in their souls and turn towards it- I've released it.

Yep, I've changed. Definitely.

I'm not playing dumb in that game anymore.
Wisdom just walked in through my door.

Enough is enough.

Guess what?

It sucks to be the blur one, always.
It also sucks so bad to be the one taken advantaged of by the so called "I'm your friend".

"If you're my friend, you would have done this for me"

Lies.

That person is just making full used of you.
If you were my friend, you should also understand me.

I used to think that I should be friends with everyone- good or bad. So that I'm excluded from the Loner's club. I thought that when I'm friends with everyone, and if they like me, then I won't have enemies. I was even more willing to pay an expensive price like getting myself hurt and not them by being Miss Nicey Nice. When I was 10, I took in all the blame when one of my 'friends' betrayed me and got me into trouble with my teacher. The result was that I got humiliated in front of the whole class for more than an hour, and also I got caned by the teacher. In the end, I moved out of that town.
The little girl who thought that if she took in all the humiliation and suffering by herself, get it over and done and pretend like it never happened before would never need to worry about not getting any friends.
Even now, in my group project, no one (except 1 or 2 friends who were with me and was willing to share in) was thankful that some members actually sacrificed to clean up the shit. For my side, this was how they thank:"You did that? It wasn't even you who did that," and "I don't know what am I supposed to do. I wasn't in charge of it,"

Dumbfounded.

You know what?

A friend I knew said this in her blog:

I realized that not everybody loves everybody. That not everybody has everybody's back. That some friends aren't who they seem to be.

I don't need a gadzillion friends. I just need a couple of friends who'd love me as much as I love them.

It seems like the ones on the social status list are Dominators by default. The pretty ones, the smart ones, the rich ones, the popular ones and especially the Talker, the overall Queen who manipulates.
Come to think about it, I'd rather be alone than to be present in your little world.
I do not want to be involved in all your dramas.
I thought that by having friends like you would make my life less miserable. The more the merrier right? But now, I will make my decision. Who I want to be friends with.

Friends who call you when they need you are not friends.
They take. They expect. They don't contribute.

Daddy

God is just so so awesome.

He restores what I've lost. He gives me hope.

He is my strength whenever I feel like giving up.

He corrects me when I do something wrong.

He's slow to anger, but always approaches me with love.

He genuinely shares the secrets of living an abundant life with me.

He teaches and guides me along the path that I'm traveling.

God is my shield. I run to Him when I feel threatened and insecure.

God hears me when I call on His name. He hears the cries of His children.

All who loves Him are His children.

I can't live life on earth without You.

Your favour is always with me.

But often I don't see it and I fall into the enemy's deception.

So many times I've disappointed You and failed You.

But so many times You've come to bring me comfort and tell me that "It's alright, I understand. You're safe with me and I love You very much,"

Your joy is my strength.

I'm safe with my Daddy.

My Daddy knows everything.

He loves me for who I am.

This is for You.

Light light

I love how Alan Menken wrote the lyrics.
So fitting with the scene.
Oh, and he also scored the music.

I want to see the lights too :)

Monday morning

Never expected one my student's parents texted me saying, "You did well to teach Eunice,"
Ahah! *Grins :)

It's waiting

Brooke Fraser's song never gets old.
Keep that patience and guard that heart.
Love is waiting.

:)

Thank you, friend!

I met a friend today. After class, I decided to have a little conversation with him. Never thought that it will be one the most meaningful ones I ever had in my life.

My friend, he's a violinist. Super talented, yet I find him humble and encouraging. He says things that build others up. So I told him what the difficulties that I'm facing. Here are a few things he said that I would like to share:

• Be honest when you play. Whatever feelings that come to you at that time, play it out.
• When you play, remember the little world you're in? Use that and forget about the people around you. That way, you not only express yourself but also overcome the thoughts of people judging you and the stage fright.
• You just said that you're not satisfied with your playing after every song you played. Well, did someone tell you that your playing is not good?
• If the 'someone' you're referring to is you yourself, ask yourself 'why?'
• There's no perfect musicians. If he's perfect, there's no need for him to be better/improvement.
• Don't make gender as an issue if you want to do film scoring. (I did a little research about that and realized that the film scoring industry is dominated by men) It's the music that counts.

Alamak, this friend of mine. I respect his thinking. He also said that when he plays his violin, he's just expressing his love and he's thinking about him talking to God. Much that I learnt from him. I feel proud and honored to be his friend :D

Often, I think the ones who gets inspired most of the time (I have a few friends who are like that) are the coolest people. They're more thoughtful, caring, sincere, genuine, honest, open minded, forgiving, inspiring, encouraging, emotional and loving towards others. People like them will eventually succeed and achieve their goals, I believe, one day. It may not be the same time as the rest, but in their own time, they will. This is because people like them are unique.

I respect yo!
:)

Away

Hmm.. I'm having thoughts about deleting this blog, deactivating my FB acc and Twitter. Every social network sites about the 'Me', except for my email- just to keep in touch with some people.

Feel like being away from the internet pressure for awhile.

Under control

Be grateful. Be thankful.

It's easy to say : Doooooon't worry (smiley).
But really, do not worry when you know that God has everything under control.

Giving

A future which lives only for himself is no future at all.
Live to serve others, encourage and lift each other up.
It is more blessed to give than to get. However, when we Get, we Get to Give.

I love Sunday mornings :)

In the Race

I gota admit. Running on a race requires not only physical strengths but particularly the mental ones too. Without strong mental strength, one will not finish its race because the mind will manipulate the rest of the body to give up.

One of the things in life I've learnt in the book Purpose Driven Life is :
"Do not be envious of the runner in the lane next to you; just focus on finishing your race." Galations 6:4 says that "Do your own work well, and then you will have something to be proud of. But don't compare yourself with others."

Comparing is about what I don't have.

Whenever I feel insecure, that is the time I have to settle my identity in Christ. Only secure people can serve. I fear that I'm not good enough for Him and but now I know that that's a lie! God's gifts are good, we just need to sharpen them. Whatever gifts you have been given can be enlarged and developed through practice. What I have, I gota stretch myself and learn all I can.

Different people have different task to do. So who are we to determine whether he or she is qualified for God or not. The Lord is the Master.
Therefore, mind our own business and finish the task, fulfill our responsibilities, keep our promises, complete our commitments and not leave the job half undone. Wherever field we're put in, there is a purpose for us to be there. Even if it's gota be the smallest service, just play that part.

:)

More than music

I look forward to my Pop and Rock ensemble class. It's my teacher- Mr.Frank. He's so frank that you'll just like him :D

What I'm saying is that, he teaches me/us more than music, of what lies further than just playing well and sounding awezome'. He lectures about the individual, how a musician is supposed to be, the music market, the 'Real' world out there- people and work-  and what causes musicians to play the music. It's not just about making all the money by buying the attention of the crowd with all the thrilling sounds/softwares used but at the end of the day, they are just great sounds without having a real meaning behind the song. Are we pursuing music merely for the money, or are we doing it just because of a really cool cert from a really cool college? He rather hopes that musicians play their music because of what they feel, filled with emotions and thoughts. It's not just a about passion, it's more than a passion. Music impacts and changes lives.

Btw, Mr.Frank was the bassist for the legendary Alleycats band.
;)

Coolies hoho!