Hello!

Hello! Come feed my fishy fishes :D
The yellow one is my favourite.
His name is Pee Wee.
#I rarely update my FB, Twitter maybe, Blog sometimes. Find me on Instagram ! Weedaphne :)

Fish

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Searching for Inspiration, taking a step forward

Okay. So here's the deal. I'm going to stop blogging until I'm inspired again by God in my writings and music. May also close down this blog and move on with life. I don't actually know yet what to move on from. It's just this whole weird transition of entering the young adulthood, that I wanna start living like one and leave behind the teenage, high school stuffs in here. This blog has been existed since I was 15 years old in secondary school. Please know that I rarely update my Facebook, closing down my blog, already stopped Twittering and will try to update my Instagram.

Till then, I'm in search of new and fresh words to use, fresh insights about life, music and writings, and also arts, whatever it is. The States is a wonderful place to explore and since I'm here, I'm letting myself go and be free.

Goodbye Live.Laugh.Learn.Love. and everyone:)
If I found a new blog to write and pen down stuffs about my new journey, I'll make sure to post the link here. Keep updated, I hope, all you faithful readers who put up with me all these years. I love you.

Keep me in prayers as I walk with God through this transition in life.

Learning

If there's one thing I would say that it's at fault, it would be myself and not anyone and anywhere else. I am responsible for my spiritual food.

Just wanna say that HIS Church Malaysia is my home, and will always be. Now living in the states, find a new home then.

There was this one point of time of feeling weird and not inspired. That's where have to start getting the feet up again, doing things differently to see different results. Gosh I miss all the insights from pastor and leaders at home.

It's alright. Everything's a learning process. #comfortwords

Relationship with Jesus

Fear doesn't come from God. When there's fear, there's no faith. When there's faith, there's no fear.

Live by faith and not by sight. The eyes are short sighted. Those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but for those who live according to the spirit set their minds on the things of the spirit- which gives life and peace. The desire of the flesh belongs to the world and the richness of the world don't last.

God's plans are better. His ways are not my ways, thoughts not my thoughts. All things work for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose. For this purpose, God has raised us up, that he might show his power in us, and that his name be proclaimed in all the earth. We don't worry about what we can or cannot accomplish, he will make sure his plans are carried out. God is greater than the heart. He is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, all these according to the power at work within us.

Again, trust God with all our hearts. Lean not on our human understanding. In all our ways, we acknowledge God and God will make our paths straight.

Praying should be like breathing. #pastorNickfromCommonChurch

Monday, March 17, 2014

Walking Storybook

Honestly right, when I think of the months ahead of me, I'm scared, because I don't know what is it going to be like. Am I going to stay in Boston? Or move to LA. Should I go back to Malaysia? If so, when and how long? What is there left in Malaysia for me with my film scoring paper? I know the food and people, the Malaysia-LAH language and the 365 sunny weather are the ones I dearly miss. I only left with 3 more semesters and then college life is gone! Just like that. And then what's next? Work. And probably entering the most complicated part of life- relationships with people.
The studying phase will soon past, no more classes, no more lecturers to lecture you anymore. And then we're out there dealing with fierce graduates competing with each other in the industry, making every effort to carve a name out of ourselves, and facing with intimidating (probably nice) bosses too, depending on how we present ourselves to them, whether they would like to hire us or not. And all the other things to think of soon. Good thing it's the film industry for me, otherwise I would have to hire and book a booking agent, get an engineer to produce an EP, book studios all the time for recording, the 3am sessions, build a website (wait a second, I have to build my own website !) and other tools for non-film scoring work.

Anyway, the point is, with my own strength, I can never make it. The right thing to do is to ask God. Well, and times like this he hasn't given me a clue yet because it's not the time for me to know yet. In a relationship, we have to trust. If I can't trust God who is the perfect one, will I ever trust another then? #Learninghowtobeinarelationship
Also, this is my first time traveling on an alienated highway, with a few cars passing by because not many people choose to travel here. This business feels very real, competitive and different because it is uncommon. It is art. Being creative in so many ways is part of being in this field. We become creative when we meet people and connect with them, writing music and, basically we're marketing ourselves out there, our talents and personalities, hoping that the big fish would take notice of us little guppies and land us with a good job that comes with a happy salary. There, I've said it. No graduates would want to be a mediocre after dumping in our parents large sum of USD in this place.

Dad will tell me this : Don't use your own intellect. You smarter than God ah?

I generally want my life to be a walking storybook that inspires many to realize that there is a God to help us out in our lives. Not only just in this part of life, but life after this life, which brings all our toils, struggles and sufferings to an end and live with Him, the Creator in a better place than this world. And see our friends there too! God can help us to pay the bills, manage our time, inspire us to write a wonderful piece of music, have a heart warming, life-changing conversation with a stranger or a friend, inspire, encourage and point them to Jesus that he is so loving, ready to hold us up again when we face with nastiness of life, and so on.

At the end of the day, I just wanna' see how God uses my life as a small town, shy-shy girl to be that influential person in this industry. God wants us to be successful too and He is bigger than the heart. He is bigger than all our fears and dreams. I'm only confident about that one day, just because of who God is, nothing about me. I'm the hands and feet of God's.

Spring Break

First break ever without the need to travel! Pretty happy about it. Managed to catch up some sleep vacation.
Maybe I've missed out going to New York or Maine or the Niagara Falls this time like all my friends where they are right now. Hopefully there'll come a time I'll travel with my friends again and that would be an amazing fun time without having assignments at the back of my head, screaming.

Basically, most of the film scoring majors are that stressed up because our major demands a lot from us (whadid I got myself into, trust God hah!). Now that I know it's normal for us to feel that way. sometimes wanting to just float in air, but the hard work we put in now will eventually pay off. Toil now better than later.

There's plenty of comfort food around. But nothing beats that comfort 'food' from the Bible. The story of Joseph will always be that torchlight for me. So here're some pictures from my Instagram and FB.


We're about to walk on thin ice- it's a pond!

Texas and Korean friends on the way to Haymarket

Boston Common



One of HIS Church members visited Boston.
It was heart warming.
I promised I walked away LOLOL

Champions at JW Marriot

Our dinner was on a friend :)

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

This Stuff

I wanna' be inspired again. So that I can inspire my friends.
I wanna' have that sense of hope again. At least something to cling on.
Got to do things differently d, before the fire inside of me parishes.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

21 already?

Shoot. Is Peter Pan here tonight at my window?

(Probably just the bus)

The days passed by so quickly.

The head is always so saturated with the zillion things to do, that I might have overlooked the beautiful things and people around me. I just wanna' be that better friend to all my friends. Homeworks can really turn me into a jerk for not hanging out with people.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Loose that by quitting this


....that chocolates are not really that helpful.

They are, but only a temporary stress relief and a permanent fat stored in my cheeks and tummy.

So for one to loose those chubby bunny cheeks, one must quit chocolates !


Chubby. Bunnie.




Okk, quit chocolates. No matter how inexpensive they are on sales.

*Went out to get inspiration for work and this is what I got pfft:)

Soundtracks that moved the inside of me

Honestly, Harry Potter's soundtracks are so darn good !
Well done, John Williams ! I've always love your works.

It was the soundtracks who made the movie magical, fun and believable.
Period.
If it wasn't for the music that have enhanced Harry Potter, it may not be as successful as it is.

One of my favorites is the "Reunion of Friends" in Chamber of Secrets. That is one very emotional moment for me. I will cry every time I listen to that, at the age of like 8-9 and even now, 21. It reminds me of the hard times Harry went through together with his friends, and now that he has all his best friends with him at the dining hall, he is one happy kid. That reminds me of all the friends that I had too growing up. We viewed the score in class, personally given by John Williams the composer some time ago, how awesome ! Think about that, when we were kids growing up watching these movies, they made us believed them for some time and when I was pretty engrossed with it, I actually joined a competition to see if I can win tickets for me and my sis to meet Daniel Radcliffe and get the Hogwarts tour, unbelievable! Now that I get to read the scores in class, it was actually the music that worked in me.

There's a project coming up for us to score a short mysterious Library Train to encourage young kids to read. It should be scored lightly something like Harry Potter. JW, you have set the standard high ! Tapao everyone. Love your work, as always.

PS: Yes I'm very aware of the whole movie thing that the christians are against it. The scores for HP are still simply amazing though ! Can learn so much from it. JW has put in lots of feelings when he writes.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Thinking of a cake

Always so busy lah.
Don't know if it's good or not so good.
Butttt, I did my nails today yeayiees !

Sometimes I'm a girly, sometimes I don't have time to be girly.
That's why online shopping did good for people who don't have the time to go in-stores.
I duuu wanna' go in to stores and malls again just like when I was at home.
This is too random. How did it come to this point?

Even the title of this is just out of the place.
That's where my mind is now.
*Teethsmile
In 5 minutes time, gotta' get those projects going again.
#Bootcamp #Godpreservesmysanityforreal

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Falling in Love

Finally :)

After agonizing over a semester and nearly two months, I'm falling in love with DP. When I start to know what are his characters like and what he can do, I really like how he connects with everyone, in and out. The late night hours at the lab spending time with you, sometimes at home alone in the room really drives me up the wall a couple of times. But after those time and effort invested learning about you, I'd say, you are amazing !! Now I can do all my work with you besides Logic. Both are great lovers woohh !

No sooner, we'll be the awesome duo :D Mr. Digital Performer 8.05, I think you're pretty cool yourself.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Computers and Internets taking over the world

Before I came here, a man from I don't remember where he was from, but his life has been transformed by Christ, prophesied on me that I will be doing a lot of computer-related work. He didn't even know me. I don't even know where he comes from ! True enough, I am doing a lot of computer-related stuffs. I would very much appreciate if I could go by with just one day without facing the screen. That's why I appreciate reading books more than anything else right now. Facebook and Instagram are just increasing my screen usage. After all, one can not really know a person through facebook and all that social media. At least, not for me. Facebook is just for keeping connected with other musicians who are active on social media. That's why I had to update facebook and own an account. It's tiring to keep updating I HATE TO UPDATE BUT I HAVE TO. Other than that, I'd love to have one on one conversation with people about their lives and updates instead of fishing out information from the internet.

Awesome people out there

Tonight, I just want more friends. I wish I could have known more people so that we can become friends. To meet other inspiring people from different field besides music and arts. I wanna' meet business men and women, doctors, lawyers, politicians, dentists, teachers, accountants and many more to see what are they up to with their lives, how are they using their gifts like me and my musician brothers and sisters in Christ to serve God and how they walk their lives in faith, in love and in sincerity. Right now, I'm in the Berklee bubble. Wonder how can I get out of it sometimes just to have some air.

3 Full-Time semesters back to back. Maybe that's why. No wonder.

Yer... why like that one

Ugh. The art world is sometimes weird. Sorry about the title, wasn't thinking one that fits this. Stuffs that we learn in class can be quite peculiar and odd. I knew days like these would come. And often I'm afraid, because what we take in can very much influence what comes out from us too- in whatever form, writings, paintings, drawings, words, thinkings, etc.

For example, images are very powerful, especially for people like me whose learning language are through vision. The books that we were assigned to read, films that we watch, and pictures that were projected in class (but thank God our scoring projects aren't anywhere near to weirdness yet[for me], for now) will stay and sit on the brain for some time. It's not like there's a choice to pick, because it's part of the syllabus. It's not like learning Biology anymore- straight forwardness about frogs and how their lungs function. Often, arts have to do with the human imaginations and I really do not like how I'm supposed to internalize some of them so that I can do my homework.

Sometimes I doubt at the visions I have whether are they from God or not anymore because I might have mixed them up together somewhere, or not.

No matter how much I filter those images, and set my intentions right when I take them in (all for the sake of homework), I wish that all those artsy studies will go by real quickly. I just wanna' score music for motion pictures !

Sunday, February 9, 2014

What's in the inside?

The intentions for doing something is no doubt one of the things in life that can either bring us a step closer to what God has set for us or the other way round- away from the good events He has reserved for us. Intentions of doing something can affect the roads we're traveling on. We have our own choices to choose from- Yes to God (even though I don't know what, where, when, who, and HOW??) or Nope I'm good, I can handle thiz myzelf... heh (and then cry).

What we do, feel, think and say, make sure our intentions are of noble ones, pure, holy (yes), purposeful, honoring and edifying to God and into building His Kingdom. This could be a catalyst for us into moving towards awesome plans of our lives from the creator HImself which He meant good for us to be successful, healthy, having that peace and joy in the midst of craziness going on, grateful, and all of those achievements in life because we are his children. We are not meant to live in a rut as goody-goody, poor and religious Christians because our God is too awesome for that. He's not a God in a box, nor the god who lives in a hut or having a roof over his head. He's an active God, alive one, and real.

Of course, if we ever make a mistake/ a BUNCH of mistakes leftrightcenterupdown because we are limited, but God is greater than the heart. I used to think that it may have slowed things down and the delay of time for me to hit that achievement-woohoo button.

                                  
Wait! Comee backkk !!

BUT (yes there's a but here) God is greater than the heart. He can route the whole thing again. I'm sure he has factored in and taken into consideration of all our mistakes and has mapped the plans out already. I don't know how he works but He works things out beyond my understanding and imagination and I can throw away my papers of strategies. (But I do show him what strategies I come out with, just in case it does click with him and I can feel a little smarter about it. Teehee.)

Actually, timing is one of the factors too. It may not be my time yet to ride on that boat. That boat may not be for me.

Also, intentions also reflects our hearts and who we really are.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

That Piece of Chunk

A writer cannot write unless one has the foundation of alphabets, then words, then grammars and sentences, to phrases and to the powerful use of vocabularies and then comes the birth of his writing style.

Same thing goes for the composers- To write a good piece of music, first know the names of the notes, countings, then the grammars which includes intervals, harmony, etc. to sketching out simple melody lines, then a beautiful phrase and adding in the harmonics (also known as chords), and finally creating a whole piece of music that comes from our own.

That's a whole lot of process !
And it takes time !!
It can be long, and some can be short.
Saying this as to produce a good piece.

Berklee is just literally feeding us (non-stop!) the informations and it's for us to digest them as efficiently and effectively as possible. That's a lott to learn, now that I see it. Time management. Veh important. It felt like fishes were falling from the sky into my boat and I really have to get started working to sort em' out.
Hope to have that kind of break from school a little while to actually absorb properly the chunks of knowledge given, according to my learning speed. At the end of it, rushing into this career isn't my goal unless the knowledge has properly absorbed well first. We also need to keep up with the technologies and know how to use them! That's... another thing to keep in mind of. Practicing piano becomes the least focus already, but it's still needed because we're musicians. Oh dear.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Even if it involves the great time pressure. But God is mightier than the time pressure.
Loving this field. Crazy though.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

New Stuffs, A Little Intimidating

Everything's new to me for this Spring semester- the recording session, standing on the conducting stage, working with live musicians, the engineers etc.
*Gulps

*Gulps one...more...time.

Take care of me ah God heheh, please.:)
And all the homework, here we go ahhhhhgain ! Woohh, time management is a skill that must be learnt and acquired for all college students.

This sem has tonnes of analysis, scoring, recording and producing. Oggkay, lets...!

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

That happy person

Sure you've heard that...
Americans eat with fork; 5 cents are bigger than 10 cents (nickel is larger than dime); read the weather in Fahrenheit; write the month first instead of the day in dates; and love good and positive vibe. The last one is the random-est of all. But that's a good practice for everyone. Especially when we are ambassadors for Christ. I'm still learning; nowhere close to perfection.but I do try to be that good positive energy-giver in the midst of all craziness going on. Just so everyone knows, I always try.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Keep ourselves qualified for that race we're running

Jeff Bianchi's sermon from CFCF is pretty similar with that of HIS Church.
After listening to his sermons on podcast, it always encourages me to go on life as an alien here.

Yes, I do hate some things here. But if I'm placed here for a season for a reason, then I should not be complaining, as bad as I want to return home sometimes, or even move out of this city.

For the time being, leave the past. God is doing new things. Pastor Jeff quoted Isaiah 43:19 "Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

I AM- God says.

And he makes rivers in the desert? That's impossible. But He is the I Am.
When fear grips me so tightly, I would want to still trust in God about the future. I don't know the 'new things', but I know the I Am. And the I Am can do the impossible. What seems to be possible to us is something that we can achieve by our own ability. But we want more of God, we want the impossible possible. We want to see God's work in our lives, gasps at it and marvel at Him. We want miracles. We should be living in miracles all the time because our God is a God of miracles and healing, loving and sovereign, strong and powerful. Yes, these words ring the bell like a zillion times. As cliche as it sounds, but this is still the truth about him. He is old but never stale. As old as the hills. Yet, He is also always new and fresh. Old as in, He is faithful to his promises and words for us.

***
When feeling a little lame at our spiritual side, look for sources to elevate our spiritual side, that our lights in the lighthouse not be dimmed. Coming here is a challenge for me to be fed spiritually. At home, there was meat every Sunday. Now that I'm here, I've got to look out for my spiritual health and make an effort to encourage my spirit too, so that we can keep going on encouraging others as well. We don't want to have that lame vibe in us. So always make an effort to be better and keep ourselves qualified for this race.

***
More things to share but I'm hungry and I'm going to cook now.
Ugh. Malaysia. I love you too much that I need to let you go for awhile !!

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Nak Balik Tapi Bila ?

When can I have back my Malaysian life?
When can I see my own people again?
How long more is this training taking place?
Thank You for seeing me through this time. But I miss home. With tears I say this.

How strong more can I hold this fort?

It's a temporary emotional rush I get it, will snap out of it soon. Just need some time. Life is kinda like that, just gotta snap out of misery, the faster the better. I'm getting good at that already, but this time I just want more time.


With all the cwrap going on at home, home is still home lah.
Kan?

Sunday, January 19, 2014

The Good Break

School is starting this week !! Tuesday!
Back to school, back to packing stuffs and meeting new and fantastic musicians from all over the places!

That spontaneous trip to Connecticut was a gift of having that feeling, HOME. Definitely, it was a good recharged in that less than 2-day thing, it felt like one refreshing moment for me to go on the rest of my stay here. (Pictures are in my Instagram and FB.)

Berklee has this new 160 dorm and it doesn't even look like a dorm ! It's a hotel for students. They even have a PH on the highest floor whattt in the world ??!?

The cafeteria is super canggih with a light wooden stage for students to perform. The hall was (I bet) designed to have that acoustic environment customized for shows to take place. Amahhhzing.

Looking forward to new things this semester. Are you too?
:) I think, this semester is going to be a Round 2, Level 2 in my game. Praying for capacity to increase and expand to absorb and learn more new things. It's a continuity from last year, like a series, the next episode.

Lots of things to do. Plan things with the Big Boss! This is important. Life is interesting- interestingly challenging.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Anticipating

It looks like I'm going on a little back packing trip to Connecticut this week, on a very last minute, spontaneous ones. Guess what?
To see my very inspiring pastors from HIS Church !! Ahhhh so excited :DD

Backpacking ALONE !! The Daphne I knew was a scaredy cat. Nobody believes that I'm gonna do thiz. I myself either, but yes, it's going to be a trip.

Though the pricey tickets, but there's the peace in the heart after purchasing them. And my parents are totally fine with it. What actually amazed me is that they actually gave me the freedom to make my own decision, and always refer me to pray before I do this this this and that. Parents, dear mama and papa I love you I reallyy duuu. Little did I know how all these little little things are affecting and teaching me in a way. Thank You, for doing all of these that help me learn what and how to make the decisions in life. The HS is also very kind and helpful when it comes to this :)

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Not so little anymore

You know when you stop asking mom and dad about everything and start to figure things out ourselves. That iz growing up d :D Not so little anymore.

It's also really funny to see how tech savvy moms and dads are these days. More surprisingly fun, they can be better than us kidz. No kid ! LoL.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Gemstones

Sincerity [genuineness] reflects a person. One can tell if a person is really one.
Thankful to have come across some of these people :)
Rare, but precious.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Back to the Cold Place

Few things that actually I myself am amazed at myself. Yez, I'm definitely into politics. Whenever someone talks about it, I see myself jumping into the conversation and tuning into that frequency. Probably it came from my legalistic family and what Malaysia is going through and had gone through. And also from all the camps attended praying for our country. AND I was at it at the GE 13 when it all happened ! So how can I not feel it? Fascinated at how some can manipulate and how some are being manipulated. It's a skill.

Then, I found my favorite spot. After 20 years of life and this is what I was looking for. That special place being high up after a jump on a trampoline, in the middle of the air. That is where I find myself free from everything, knowing that when I get down, there is still something to catch me. That jump, it feels great to be free in the air. Skyzone in Miami had been a moment for me.

On a vacation, I'm definitely going for food, then scenery and things to do on second, then shopping at last.

Also, patience isn't a problem for me. But if it's really on my nerve on something, it ain't going to be pretty. Eheh, justsaying. That'll happen like what, 1 out of 10. And now, I just feel like giving that person a piece of me for real.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Cuban Family in Miami

The Miami holiday is probably the best moment right now. Cuban food, coffee (they serve after every single meal how awesomee), Spanish (I learnt how to count 1-10 in Spanish todayy) and what's most warm, welcoming and friendly are the people and families I met here.

Brb to write soon.

These guys here are such a wonderful blessings. Period.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Not bad for the 7 months

Not the boyfie, not the anniversary, and definitely... not the baby.

So... you'll know that feeling when someone on the streets goes up to you and ask for directions and we go like :"Oh just take the right turn until you see CVS and (bla bla, black sheep have you any wool)". That feeling called 'Ooh I'm one of the residences here!' is slowly taking in its form.

Boston is pretty much like the place now, for those who lives in a certain area after a while got bonded with that place, familiar with how things go and when the time comes to move out, then there comes also the hard-to-let-it-go moment.

I don't know. It feels a little like... a place to stay for a while.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

I'm lovin' it !

Seeing some of the girlie friends I know, female film composers graduating from Berklee or have graduated already makes me so proud of the number of female composers in this industry !

Though it's not a huge number, BUT we are growing ! We can write music too. And though there's the huge debate on gender issues of who writes the better music in specific genre, well... we all have emotions- man or woman. So do our best in writing that right feeling in our music to match what's on the screen. And this... takes time to learn and grow and mature in our writing, observation and feelings.

I'd tell you, film scoring is really really an interesting job. LOVE it every single day !

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

An Honest Despair

Environment can really affect us.

When times like this happen, rise up, be encouraged and...
Well honestly, I really don't have a legit solution this time. To be an overcomer in this, I'll remain faithful to God, though I cannot see things, I will believe God, his words given to me, his truth, promises and the love he has for me and the rest of the people in this world. I will keep driving myself and be remindful with the things I do simply for the love of God and people. People will not love us as much as God loves us. They don't think of us every minute every hour, but God does.

When Jesus was in the world, I don't think He received back all the love from everyone He has for them. Yet, he still love and serve them, and do things like washing his disciples' feet. He didn't care so much about whether his friends love him enough or not. He knows who he is, his identity as the Son of God. And that the Father loves Him perfectly and that's just good enough, more than good. Nothing can change and affect the Father's love for Him and for us. Since we are adopted as sons and daughters in Heaven, God's kingdom, we should know this privilege, GREAT, SPECIAL AND ENORMOUS love, and identity.

I will live to love you. I will live to bring you praise. I will live a child in awe of you.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Sanity

You have nuuu idea how many countless times I feel like giving up this STUFF.
11 classes with 16 full credits is no joke. To cramp the learning information (which comes like a BUNCH of grapes!) and getting assignments done [on time] weekly, everything in 4 months time is one heck of a life.

However, God is... really... really, really... good to preserve my sanity.

Like, serioussssly !

A film editing and an analysis essay have just made it on time for submission. Now running (like running running) off to the film scoring lab to finish another project ! And to redo and tweak the old ones. There's the piano examinations on Wednesday as well ! And show and tell our projects on screen this Friday. We are blind writing on a project (which I think it's cool) and then on Friday, to match our music to the motion picture. It will be funny afternoon!

Will be sleeping over at the lab tonight ! :D For the first time! Monday 6pm to Tuesday 9am.

I can't wait to settle everything ! And off to Florida for a vacation ! :D Miami we're coming !!

Friday, December 13, 2013

Numb

Finals week is simply... stressful.


I can't even.
Berrrrklee ! T.T

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Keeping up with the Konversation

In the middle of the night, at 1:45am, a wonderful conversation happened between God and me. Just the piano, my night voice, and God's presence.

Traveling on a journey with God is interesting and sometimes challenging. Once we know that we are traveling on the road we are called to, we can be assured that God takes care of every business, makes sure that we are well fed and protected by any harm.

The intriguing part is that some dreams, heart's desire and visions that come from two different worlds, and to figure out how do these two, three or four will tally together becomes a mystery. This mystery will eventually be solved, revealed and come to past at the right appointed time, all in due time.

When we decided to dedicate our lives to God, using the giftings we have for the glory of God, we can know that God's presence, favor and anointing go with us because this is his plan and his plans are good for those who follow his plans. He knows everything, our past, present, future, struggles, characters etc. because he made us and he knows what is best for us.

I John 2:27 But as his anointing teaches you about everything- and is true and is no lie, just as it has taught you- abide in him. God's anointing teaches us the things in life too! So remain in him by continuously pursuing his heart's desire and thoughts. We use the talents in us to touch and heal lives, so that all may know who God is- this is our ultimate goal.
So much to share about in detail but it's 2:30am right now. I have to start on my film editing project... whyy... #feeling clueless.

:)

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Where the Field is the mission

Today is a good day to take time off and write a life's timeline.

Well, at least until it reaches the age of 39.

Sometimes when applying for applications involving somebody giving $$, questions like "Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?" and "What are your dreams" bla bla.

Even if it's not for an application, it is also good to once in awhile think about stuffs and goals, and write them down on a blank paper. Afterward, show God, the boss, and involve Him in it. Gotta' make sure to leave some space for Him to make rooms of better adjustments.

All my heart's desires and dreams are on that piece of paper. They serve as a guideline so that the journey isn't aimless. Dreams and goals were writen down a few time as reminders. But timeline, I feel that it is more like a sturdy plan in long run, like an overview or master plan. One can sometimes get veh caught up with studies and work and other things. PLan all we want, God determines them.

Also, I really admire my friends who's mission field is missionary missionary. As blessings, we all have different callings in different places to touch and heal lives. It also makes sense that our characters, personalities and up bringings tally well with our callings, and that the work that we do, we're good at it and that it comes naturally to us. Before we make any decisions about life career and all, know first our natural abilities and interest in specific. Confirmations do come from God, if we ask. So, there's your mission field. :)

Friday, December 6, 2013

Better than solving other (like Maths) problems

It is really rewarding to see the goals set earlier for each and every semester, all coming to past. Whatever goals that we have set for in life, whether to learn something or to work for something; when that time frame set has come to an end, boi, that satisfying accomplished feeling which can not be described, or pen down in words right now can inspire one to keep going and be better. It is because there weren't any giving ups during the tough periods. Those are valuable moments to refine a skill, for example, and also to toughen up one's character. When we can't, God can. When we begin to loose hope, (I assure, this happened to me) we can find them in Jesus.

Never been more happy to solve computer problems and orchestration writing. It is for good used very soon. Very very thankful to have made it to berklee and boston. God's plan is guaranteed, much much better than ours. It is challenging for me when it comes to computer writing, however once it has been settled or understood its terms and functions, it is really rewarding. Will definitely put into so much of good use real soon.

This is better than solving AddMaths problem :P
(We also do have some sort of Math-doing as well in computer lessons though! Woooaaat kien I saey... Math is just part of everything)

PS : Thank God for creating Cocoa... chocolate helps in so many ways !! Even if it's for breakfast :D

Thursday, December 5, 2013

The basic of film scoring

Ugh. The assignments are so technical !
Computer is not my forte.
It's a whole lot of bittersweet memory taking this class.
Zomgosh. It's going to be life changing.
It's my life career !

The basic of film scoring is definitely to learn stuffs about how to operate softwares and writing music using those ( incredibly expensive $$ ) virtual instruments, connecting them from one place to another, tweaking here and there to make them sound as REAL as possible.

In such short amount of time, we are expected to digest informations in class like an expert. The thanksgiving break has really gotten school work and due dates all cramped up. Especially when it comes to technical terms and wiring... I don't even wanna go there.

Ahh !!
Thankful and yet, painful.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Giving Thanks

The word "thankful" can never describe enough really of how thankful, grateful and appreciative I am to the most wonderful One. He who took me by the hand to travel across the great wide oceans, all the way to a cold place called Boston in the United States.

Really? I'm actually living, breathing and surviving here for 6 months alreadyy!
The amount of friends, things and opportunities provided here from God are amazing. It is the quality, less of quantity. He shows me His love day by day through actions, as it is part of the love language I understand. Seeing Him at work- what He has given me, taught me and groomed me is an incredible part/moment of life for me now at this time, that when looking back one day, definitely, will thank Him over and over again. The only thing I'm worried sometimes is the plans that I make, that they might interfere His ones once in a while. And maybe my short-sightedness as well that bothers. 

Still feeling fascinated with all the experiences I have here.

Because of the past, I've always dreamt of meeting sincere and warm friends. And here they are :') God saw my tears and answered my prayers! :') Not only that, coming here alone alivee (yes, the exaggeration) without mama and papa and sister and bro is some major life event ever that happened to me, which is the beginning of that something great that I always believe. In due time. My storybook is slowly filling up by the awesome Author. I want to read yours too !

:D

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Wednesday the 27th

On a rainy day, sipping hot chocolate with a cookie, wrapped under a warm blanket, and watching this girly movie on my laptop.

:D

God with his children, wherever they are called to be out in that field, for His kingdom work.

When things get difficult and scary for me in the music industry, and when worries and doubts creep in, this song becomes my encouragement that helps me to remember the big God I serve. It's a strong expression. And if our God is with us, then who can ever stop us. 

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
[x6]

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

For Your sake, I will do it until the very last breath I have on earth. Because I love You so much that I gave up certain things just to follow You, and do what You want me to do. Your plans are better than mine, and they are meant good for me.

Okay, Hillsong Zion was here awhile ago, a few days ago and I missed it, omg they were so near to me in Boston and the tickets were sold out so quickly.

A Million of Things Going on in a Slow Down

It's thanksgiving tomorrow !

This week is a catching-breath one. Totally enjoying the slow down. I even watched a movie yesterday night- City of Ember (my 4th time watching it soo good !). Never practiced for my conducting because of the movie yet voluntarily went up in front of my class with that boldness to conduct. AHHHHH ! Now my teacher wants me to see him in his office hour, wanting to tidy things up and make me a better conductor! :D It's a good news.

A few days before thanksgiving, my mind is already very thankful that I'm in the states for half a year already! Super happy with Boston, Berklee, the friends I have and for the growth I had to where I am now. I am growing, so much, in terms of speaking up more, having my own thoughts, emotionally, and physically (yep, this is undeniable ! Sugar is everywhere in the American food.) Confession, I have Ben&Jerry's and Haagen Daaz almost every night.

The apartment where I'm staying, is clean and nice. Blasting my christian playlist as I was cleaning today. After tidying up, I am so down with a cup of hot chocolate. It feels like home :) My pastor is having an open house, I'll be making deep fried crispy wantons that goes along with his Mr.Turkey tomorrow.

Thank God for the imperfection in His perfection. In my weaknesses, He never leaves me alone to deal with it. He steadies my heart. The Lord also sees the heart and intention in every words, actions and deeds done.

#feelingenlightentoday Plus, it rained today, and the temperature went up. Love love loveeee the weather! That was why I went grocery shopping and had Bulgogi chapchae :D Your love is awesome, comforting and steady. I love love love loveee YOU God so much. I miss home and I don't miss home. Weird ahahah :) It's good to remember the beginning of God involved in our lives, and that why I'm here in the States for some reason that I now figured it out, trusting Him in so many ways, knowing that I'm in the process of doing something great very soon, at the appointed time. So is to all who loves God, all good things work for good for those who loves Him and He has our future secured in His hand.

I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet but
At your Word Lord, I'll receive Your
Faith to walk on oceans deep

And I remember how You found me:
In that very same place
All my failing surely would've drowned me
But You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus you're the reason
I'm kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?

You have said that all the heavens
Sing for joy at one who finds
The way to freedom, truth of Jesus
Bought from death into His life

And I remember how You saw me:
Through the eyes of Your grace
And though the cost was Your beloved for me
Still you made a way!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Again, I will say this

... that I wanna' be home tonight :)

But home is home. I won't be working then. Home is where I rest and eat well; to love and be loved by my family.

Looking at my schedule, I won't be home until God knows when. Even after I've completed my degree in berklee. That's too long to think ahead.

Right now, I just wanna be home... just for awhile.

Oh howww I miss you so badly Kuala Lumpur!



Living in a dream for some time can make a person think of home once in a while.
Again, reminding myself to appreciate what I have and where I am now.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

How much is Too Much

This question has been going on for like the longest battle I've ever had inside my head.
When words used and actions made, I always think to myself inside- Are they for being kind and generous? Or am I just a people-pleaser.

Of cause the Bible says that we ought to be kind to one another; if a person slaps your right cheek let him slap your left too; and whatever not verses that we can look them up in the Bible. But how much is too much? To being a goodie goodie (yeah lame) christians or having someone else riding on our kindness and generosity? What is the balance between practicing the Christ-like love and being smart? The Bible also mentioned that we ought to be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves (Matthew 10:16).

Based on my experience with different kinds of people that have come across my life, I'd say, I'm good/I'm done with the number of people that have intersected in each other's paths. I never ask for more in my prayers to meet new people or friends, coz often, I think I might just get injured emotionally. Sometimes I even question myself or God why am I a fragile creature? Or am I just taking everything too personally. But you know what, every person are built/created to have emotions and feelings. That's because we have souls. Even God has feelings. And feelings need to be handled with care. We, in some point of time, need to take care of our own feelings as well. It is essential and necessary for a healthy being.

But then again, put others first ! Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Less of ourselves and all?

Absolutely.

Approach everyone with Christ-like love. Do good, bless them with what we have and with what we can give. In some cases, if prompted or convicted by the Holy Spirit to give something more than we can give, like having that feeling of tearing a part of ourselves and being stretched and challenged so much to give that $10 (for example), by all means, do it. It is God's purpose and plan.

But, there is also a point of time when we figure out that that fella, whom we have been giving generously, he or she has been taking and taking.. especially think to themselves that they actually deserve things from us and sucking the goodness out of us without the heart of actually being nice to us. Then, I personally think that it's time to stop being so (too) nice to that person. When we know that he can afford to have something on his own, then by all means, go get it or do it yourself, suckerr!

So what exactly is a people-pleaser? Having that guilt when I don't do something nice to somebody. Some would define this as, wanting the other person to return his kindness and generosity. Or, we don't want to antagonize a person, so we be the nice nice one. Yeah, in a way. As for me, I'll have that remorseful feeling if I did not give somebody something that I have. What a psychological problem. So I stop being very nice to them, to do someone else's chores, to make extra food for another, to do this, to give that, to share bla bla when I know that the person knows (omg the psycho line 'I know that he knows that she knows that i know' lol) that I just did an unspoken favour or help, and yet you never knew how to be the same kind and generous person back to the one who helped you do stuffs, or you pretended not to know. How unthoughtful and taking for granted on others. Thanks.

So how much is too much?

I'd say, be kind and generous to every person who come across you. Bless them.
But when we started to see what kind of person that is, who likes to suck the goodness out of us, who also think that they deserve stuffs from us and likes to just TAKE, that is the time to know our limits and start taking care of ourselves!

PS: Not that I hate meeting new people, it's just that sometimes having less of these kind of people would mean that I have lesser pain in my butt. By the way, musicians need to connect! That is networking, and that is different. It is business.

And I love my Anchor and Berklee friends. They are the most big hearted people I ever met. They are awesome.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Ma

My mother. Stayed up so late just to Skype with me.
Even though there's the 930am service tomorrow in church.
Sometimes she would wake up super early to prepare food, 
if she's on that week for food ministry.


This was taken like, 4 years ago?? Ahaha school-girl hair cut. But mom looks good here, so it's a nice picture :D

She always pours out words of wisdom and encouragement on me. I can never wanna' ask for a better mom cuz she IS the best. She is my best friend; Esther, Derrick and Daddy too.

Lots of LOVE!

I wanna come homeee for a while!

Two Words

Malaysia

and

HISChurch.

Whom I dearly miss.
And without them, a part of me died.

Boston is a wonderful place. But nothing beats home.
Sometimes, it's the different wavelength that makes things uneasy.
Still searching for that one thing though.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Your Presence is Heaven to Me Israel Houghton *NEW VERSION*

http://www.youtube.com/v/kQAwpMFS_9o?version=3&autohide=1&feature=share&autoplay=1&autohide=1&attribution_tag=4rvk3KfWHfHVXGpxo8FYNg&showinfo=1

"Your Presence Is Heaven"
Who is like You Lord in all the earth
Matchless love and beauty, endless worth
Nothing in this world will satisfy
Jesus You're the cup that won't run dry

Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me

Treasure of my heart and of my soul
In my weakness You are merciful
Redeemer of my past and present wrongs
Holder of my future days to come

Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me

Oh Jesus, oh Jesus
Your presence is Heaven to me
Oh Jesus, oh Jesus
Your presence is Heaven to me

All my days on earth I will await
The moment that I see You face to face
Nothing in this world will satisfy
'Cause Jesus You're the cup that won't run dry
Nothing in this world will satisfy
Jesus You're the cup that won't run dry
Jesus You're the cup that won't run dry

Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me

Oh Jesus, oh Jesus
Your presence is Heaven to me
Oh Jesus, oh Jesus
Your presence is Heaven to me
[repeat]


Every single word... 
is a worship this morning for me. Check ot Israel Houghton's version.

Smart or not smart

In Malaysia, students are being labeled as 'SMART' or 'not so smart' kids, using public tests like UPSR, PMR and SPM examinations as the yardstick. Get as much As as you can. If you can't get straight As, you are not as smart as the ones with a string of As, that is standing right next to you in your class photo. If he can do it, why can't you? Oh, I see, you aren't as diligent as that smarty pants, or, simply you aren't as smart as that person lah !

Smartness does not revolve only in exams. I think it is important too to be clever in how well you are able to communicate with people, be relatable, able to connect with others through conversations, our thinking, lifestyle, and conduct, in actions, words, having that right attitude etc. All in all, able to carry ourselves well when face with people and difficult situation. I think that's what makes a person smart- how he comes out with a good solution and overcomes problem in real life situation, not so much on his studies. But in all things, they are supposed to be balanced as well.

Thankfully, the three of us didn't have problems in our studies. Just recently, my little bro had his chance of proving himself that he is smart enough (I always think that my little bro is smart, sometimes even smarter and wiser than me) to this Malaysian education society. He scored straight As (all 5 of them) in his first major public exam- UPSR. We the family saw how hard he worked day and night, buckling up himself with his malay language (it wasn't easy though that subject, it was tougher in his generation) and saw him cried many times because of the pressure his school teachers exerted on them - that same stupid crap mentality lah that we all the malaysian students get, that is 'if you don't get straight As, you have no bright future'. And that look someone gives you like "Hmm, maybe.. you should also reconsider yourself applying for med schools or not."


Anyway, that boy in blue uniform, is my bro. Derrick.
Alongside with his classmates who got that straight As thing.
(I promise will use a better word the next time, besides 'thing' haha)
He also prayed and asked God that he wanted to be a prefect in school,
so that people would respect him and not mess with him because
of his size. You know, school bullies. Oh the horror.
 But I think his heart is big.
And that's all that matters.
:)

Sincerely, Daphne

Last Sunday, Gretel, my good friend invited me to sleepover at her place.
It was so nice of her to host me.
We had Chinese take outs, watched Christmas movies, one was wayy too cheesy and the other wasn't that bad, helped her with her laundry, and spent the whole night girl talking. We also went to Barnes and Nobles for coffee and had a while of studying. And then she dropped me off at my pastor's place for cell group. Oh, she makes good coffee too! Otto, her husband is blessed to have her. She is blessed to have Otto too. Man, so happy for them ! :D

I can't ask more for a better friend. She is always on the lookout to help people and has taken good care of me since I got here, helped me in my moving, fed me well and omgosh, it was simply just stress-free and fun just hang out with her. Getting out of the berklee beach temporary, assignments and my apartment has recharged me in a way. Very grateful to have a thoughtful and dear friend like her.

Words here used aren't as fancy as a well-written piece of writing. I'm just saying it all from the bottom of my heart.



To my wonderful friend, Gretel !
:)
We're going to Miami end of this year !

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Berklee is in my heart... and other short stories

Words used to describe to berklee :

Eventful, memorable, stressful, housing lots of talented people, marinating them with lots and lots of information, churning them out into the industry like a freakin' amazing food processor, a place to sharpen skills (more like BOOT CAMP), and mind-blowing.

Yes, MIND BLOWING.

I can't stress enough how AWESOME BERKLEE is ! In the midst of all that is happening, sometimes still in disbelief to think that I'm actually placed here tonight.

Never regretted to obey God from the very beginning. Actually, He was the one who planned things and made things happened so that I can study in this number one music college in the world, according to the Hollywood reporters.

Sometimes I forget that it was God who can, actually make things happened. I get so caught up with tonnes of planning, doing things my own, taking things in my own hand to feel that I've gotten everything under control, everything's perfect, but then things will never always happen the way I wanted it to be. Then when I realized that I don't have anymore control over them, I felt like I'm off the  tangent. THat's the downside though. And there needs to be some adjustment in this attitude.

I also feel that I have so much musical knowledge and information with me that I need to sit down and have a moment to process them.

It frustrates sometimes not to have all the answers at a time or at one go.
It's like I know all the cliche answers, like, okaayy, this is the time to trust God, have faith, be faithful with my calling and yada yada.
I also know that this point of time in my life is the most crucial part- the building of daphne's career, friendship, working friends, learning what are my working style, and character development especially the toughening-up-myself part- perseverance, endurance whatever names.

I wish I have all the solutions to these maths equations. I want it to be 1+1=10.

Hide

Tonight .. is one cold night.
Winter is on its way.
Pedestrians could see ices appearing on the ground. But the pond has not yet frozen. (Waiting to see if it actually will or will not become a big block of ice ! For one to ice skate on it would be a daring rat. )
Tonight, there are many thoughts to unpack from this little head.
Life, studies, plans, relationships, assignments, friends, FOOD (Y.E.S. in capital), and the best part is that, my 10am class for tomorrow got canceled !
That means, more time to do projects (still not having more time of sleep), and getting other important stuffs done.

Have you ever watched a movie that gets you really into it and totally forgotten about where you are at now?
I did. It ended 5 minutes ago.
Chocolat is the title for the movie.
I grabbed my burger and fries, and then off for a short trip to the world full of chocolates (and religious people in that movie whom it's sad to see them wrapped around, confused and deceived into thinking that, by doing good works then you are saved from God's wrath. Absolutely NOT true. Grace is given freely to all who believes in the name of Jesus. So simple- believe. And the rest is living under God's spirit's guidance, help, and power to overcome challenges in life), where I can hide myself in that fiction for awhile, away from school work and responsibilities.
Emotionally, not too good these days. I hate being pretentious but it's just there, written invisibly on my face. SOmehow, I still got it covered up. Super anti this feeling right now.

Can't wait to be done for this semester !!
It has been such a ride for me. I want a stopover to pull out just for a moment, get what I mean?
It means that, I wanna go back to Malaysia, REST and recharge, and to see my beautiful people again.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

When grades speak




Dang man, feeling like a freakin' Asian now.

I bet almost every students have that same grade book report. It's just that I never thought of studying in berklee actually taught me to have my own opinion. Especially in essay writing for The Language of Film fall semester subject and last semester's Scandals and Vandals Art Theft whatever the name is for it, have MADE me write my own point of view, elaborate and justify it.

I no longer hide behind my sister's curtain anymore :) This is one of the best things that I learn here- churning out ideas and what's on my mind, and having my own stand on something. So far so good, my lecturers like my ideas. It's a great valuable learning experience I always thank God for making me do this- coming so far leaving home.

In my school days, all I do is to follow what my teachers said in school, exactly. I'm glad and thankful that I now learn, and to break away from becoming a robot.

Oh, it feels like HOME


On a cold Saturday late afternoon, I just had to make these wonderful little fried wantons !


Mommy, I miss these when you make food for all of us even though you are tired from work.
You have nuuu idea how tough it is to work, cook, clean the house and babysit the family as a mummy !
Ahah ! Now I'm experiencing it. Except for the babysitting. Little Derrick has grown up already. He's turning 13 ! Ahhh ! :D


And then I made waffles for my roomie this week.
She was happy! I'm happy :D
To share food with people.
Especially sharing half, so that I don't get so bulat ! :PP
Food tastes better when we share.

Ooh, I made dim sum too this morning.
But the picture is in my room mate's phone.
With salted egg on the tip of the dim sums.

This morning, I cooked hot chicken noodle soup for breakfast reminded me of daddy who used to cook for  the three hungry children at home.
Ginger, garlic, red onions... they are the best !