Honestly right, when I think of the months ahead of me, I'm scared, because I don't know what is it going to be like. Am I going to stay in Boston? Or move to LA. Should I go back to Malaysia? If so, when and how long? What is there left in Malaysia for me with my film scoring paper? I know the food and people, the Malaysia-LAH language and the 365 sunny weather are the ones I dearly miss. I only left with 3 more semesters and then college life is gone! Just like that. And then what's next? Work. And probably entering the most complicated part of life- relationships with people.
The studying phase will soon past, no more classes, no more lecturers to lecture you anymore. And then we're out there dealing with fierce graduates competing with each other in the industry, making every effort to carve a name out of ourselves, and facing with intimidating (probably nice) bosses too, depending on how we present ourselves to them, whether they would like to hire us or not. And all the other things to think of soon. Good thing it's the film industry for me, otherwise I would have to hire and book a booking agent, get an engineer to produce an EP, book studios all the time for recording, the 3am sessions, build a website (wait a second, I have to build my own website !) and other tools for non-film scoring work.
Anyway, the point is, with my own strength, I can never make it. The right thing to do is to ask God. Well, and times like this he hasn't given me a clue yet because it's not the time for me to know yet. In a relationship, we have to trust. If I can't trust God who is the perfect one, will I ever trust another then? #Learninghowtobeinarelationship
Also, this is my first time traveling on an alienated highway, with a few cars passing by because not many people choose to travel here. This business feels very real, competitive and different because it is uncommon. It is art. Being creative in so many ways is part of being in this field. We become creative when we meet people and connect with them, writing music and, basically we're marketing ourselves out there, our talents and personalities, hoping that the big fish would take notice of us little guppies and land us with a good job that comes with a happy salary. There, I've said it. No graduates would want to be a mediocre after dumping in our parents large sum of USD in this place.
Dad will tell me this : Don't use your own intellect. You smarter than God ah?
I generally want my life to be a walking storybook that inspires many to realize that there is a God to help us out in our lives. Not only just in this part of life, but life after this life, which brings all our toils, struggles and sufferings to an end and live with Him, the Creator in a better place than this world. And see our friends there too! God can help us to pay the bills, manage our time, inspire us to write a wonderful piece of music, have a heart warming, life-changing conversation with a stranger or a friend, inspire, encourage and point them to Jesus that he is so loving, ready to hold us up again when we face with nastiness of life, and so on.
At the end of the day, I just wanna' see how God uses my life as a small town, shy-shy girl to be that influential person in this industry. God wants us to be successful too and He is bigger than the heart. He is bigger than all our fears and dreams. I'm only confident about that one day, just because of who God is, nothing about me. I'm the hands and feet of God's.