Family (part one)

My Ayi sent me and my sister this on whatsapp :D

CNY season and the lovey dovey Valentine's Day have come to past. Well, almost, for the CNY season. We have a total of 15 days to celebrate this Chinese Lunar New Year every year.

Every year is a better year. Ain't it?

I noticed this year's celebration is a little different. What made me super contented and happy is that I actually spent all my time with ALL my loved ones. This is only part one.

The Singaporeans whom I dearly love most.

Monkey faces

Dillon : My bubblegum, finally!

You gota' love these three adorable musketeers :P

The long awaited baby prince Wafrie

Stylo Mylo

I'm lovin this kid, really :D

Gotcha! "Homework" ehh?

Later, we left for Singapore with the Singaporeans on a spontaneous, last minute trip.

Sooo windy !

And of course, the crazy hours and hours of watching Hong Kong dramas, series and movies.

I just read the subtitles :P

Part two coming up!

Photography

I wish I have skills like that too! :D

Canon. Delighting you always.
Hahhaah! :P
Free advertising.

Little Rain

Today's a cooling day to laze outside and read a book.
I love this weather.
My feet are icy cold and I look for socks to put them on!

:D

Gold

Sunday 4pm is the best time for a person to write. Especially, when it's after a rainy weather. I can hear the insects cooling off, washing machine going on at the back of my house, my sister helping bro with some solutions, mom and dad outside working in the garden. So, I write now.

This morning service at HIS Church was a personal one today. Everyone gave their hearts and lives once again for kingdom work- God's. Encouraged, really, by the response of the congregation. That special moment (well at least, to me), I know that I'm not alone walking on this path. I chose that. So did the lady who sat beside (beside, beside, and more beside :P) me, and those youngsters in front of me.

I've been self centered many times. Always asking God to do this for ME, do that for ME, everything is about me, me and ME; helping me. It's selfish of me not to share with people about how real this God is, the burden of serving Him is light, about His grace and salvation and how big, loving, caring, faithful and so so loving most of all, even when I made mistakes and screwed things up, He does not give up on me. He fixes things! All things are possible with God.

This God is too big for us to fit Him inside a box.

Geddit? :D

If I think about something so impossible, it's possible for Him; If I think that it's a dead end, He'll get me out of there; If I think that this is all I have right now, oh yeah, bet sure that He's gonna give me MORE than enough! He gives abundantly! How do I know about all these things? It happened 2000 years ago, which was recorded in a book. That book contains 66 books in it, divided into two main sections, both awesome and inspiring stories in it. It's a treasure.

I look forward to the day, when He comes back to get me out of here, and bring me along to where He lives, where He has prepared a mansion for me, far more magnificent home than I can imagine with my physical mind. And I stay in a neighbourhood with all my brothers and sisters in Christ who gave their hearts and lives and live for the One in this temporary world. No riches of this world can compare with that of in Heaven. Now, when I hold on to this dream, even when you think that I'm crazily insane with this impossible and non sensible dream, look up in that book, it's real, and holding on to this dream is the ultimate of the ultimate one for me. It's just that we can't see it now, doesn't mean that it's not real. Just like we don't see the wind, doesn't mean that it does not exist.

How incredible it is for the new time to come.

Why did I make up my mind to trust this God, gave Him my heart and life? Was it because He was the God of my family? Was it because I was born in a Christian family? Was it because I had to because my parents said so?

Experiences with Him have changed me. From there, I know that a God SO REAL, loving and true is there looking after me. I can freely depend on Him with my needs, to love and be loved unconditionally.

Why should I trust Him? People robbed my dreams, hopes and eventually trust, and filled me with disappointment along the way, as I grow up. A person is different 10 years ago- His thinking, maturity, behaviour whatever not. Today, he's another person. I bet in 10 years time, he's another man. But God is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever and ever even after I die here. So whyy SHOULDN'T I trust Him? Why shouldn't I believe that He's a great person, a trustworthy friend, a loving father, a Protector, a Provider and all the awesome characters we name and nobody else is like Him, who is faithful and just? He is who He is. Nobody can change Him.

And to think that He has redeemed my soul, of what He did for me, the significant of that cross, totally saved my life, no one can do that but only the Son of God.

Life is never the same again, pointless, aimless and indecisive when I decided to serve and honour Him. I only have ONE time to live (not like fluffy cats with 9 lives :P).

Live not just for myself, but to tell others about my life testimonies, how God guided me, talk to me and love me even when I'm so unworthy. Life will never be the same again because I've found the purpose and meaning of it when I opened up myself to Jesus. There's more to look forward to than here, the temporary riches on Earth. There's more, there's MORE! :D Dig deeper, dig into the right place and there we'll find gold and wealth far more than the weight of it in this world.

:)

Found this at Nicky Gumbel's Twitter teehee!

Get set

A new beginning : Where the worries of my past will be forgotten.
When it comes, I wanna be ready.

Got it

I always thought to myself this : Do the mistakes I've made slow down God's plan for me? Instead of it should be happening at this timing, my fault has caused it to be delayed?

No. Everything happens for a reason. Even my mistakes. God knows already. And He has made plans about it. Everything is in His good and loving hand.

Omgaaah :) Brilliant.

A Glum Evening

"I'll lock you out of the house."
"Go away!"
"I don't want you!"
"Go away!!"
"I don't like you...!"

Words like these came out from a parent to his son. I overheard him in my neighborhood (Noo I'm not a stalker, just, overheard). Yess, I kinda agree that the son is a little mischievous because he's this annoying alarm clock early in the morning, screaming and yeah, literally screaming at the top of his lungs for nothing. And that... woke me up.

But, I believe that no matter how badly behaved a child is, never EVER use words like that.
Words are powerful. It's even more deteriorating if the child's love language is by words of affirmation.

The child was speechless. In the end, he said back to his dad :"Dee! I don't like you!"

:'( what a glum conversation. I shouldn't have eavesdropped.

Little Things

¹⁰ Whoever can be trusted with small things can also be trusted with big things. Whoever is dishonest in little things will be dishonest in big things too. 

Luke 16:10

Start by doing small things to honor God. God sees the heart. Don't fret about when the big things are coming. They will come.

:)

Everyday is a gift from God. Spend the day wisely.

Thinking About You - David Choi [ Lyrics ]

Thinking About You Lyrics
By: David Choi

Everybody needs someone
Everybody needs love, love
Everybody wants something to believe in

Everybody is waiting
Waiting for that someone
That makes their heart jump out

Live a life like you are dreaming, yeah
Oh, I want that feeling

I'm thinking about you
Are you thinking of me too?
I'm thinking about you
I hope you're thinking of me too

Looking for a treasure
Worth more than gold
It's been found, I've been told

But I've been searching
Across the seas
Oh could it be right in front of me?

For now I'll entertain this daydream
I wonder what you're feeling

I'm thinking about you
Are you thinking of me too?
I'm thinking about you
I hope you're thinking of me too

• 
  

Nigel Tay - Song of Spring (Original)

Song of Spring©
Written by Nigel Tay, Nicole Shin and David Moran

What's that sound,
I hear it all around
Looks like the birds are chirping
And the bees are buzzing
In this beautiful town

If you're feeling it too
Go on take of your shoes
Put your feet in the grass
Hope the moment will last
I'm sticking with you

Uh-oh, Uh-oh,
It's a beautiful day out, to walk tall and proud
So sing to the song of your heart that set you apart
Uh-oh, Uh-oh,
We can sing on forever, with every tune louder

So take my hand come along with me,
the breeze and trees are working perfectly to find the place in your mind
Don't keep them waiting, the boat is sailing
I hope you embrace the beautiful, I hope you embrace the beautiful

If not then all would be a wasted

OH anyway,
let's get back to our story..
Soaking up the sun,
oh all the fun,
Certainly not folly

Website: www.nigeltay.bandcamp.com

Listen To Me, Clara C! (Playlist)

This is one of her old videos. Heheh. (I think her vids have changed because it's a playlist hhahah!)
(It's supposed to be her singing a song to her siblings)
I hope to meet her one day.
Missed her on that day she came down to KL, but Esther got to see her show and my sister bought her album.
Inside, she wrote a song named "Daphne", obviously it's for her friend who has the same name with me hahaha :D
I love her instrumentation combination variety in all her songs.
The ART in my heART.

I'm like that (lah)

I'm so excited to blog today!
*Flashes teeth

So far so good. Resting at home isn't a waste of time after all.
I told myself, doing housework and all is just to help out mom, dad, bro and sis. Everyone's so busy.
Two comes home in the afternoon after school. The other two comes home like... 12.30am after work. And I'd stay up late just for the two lawyers to come home. Chat? Sometimes. Most of the time, they have NO HOUSE KEY with them that's whyy!! @.@

Anyway, heheh, rest.

I actually listed down all my favourite artists this morning. Realized that only a handful of jazz artists (actually, less than five of them, and most of them aren't the hardcore jazzers) are on my list. It's okay, I told myself, just be honest and truthful to myself. It's okay if I didn't really like jazz. I tried to understand and love it. And Mr.But came along the way and interfered my honesty and integrity in music.

I just wanna be truthful to myself.

I like what I like. I tried to like what I haven't liked, and I did make my efforts. Maybe someday, when my ears decided to give me a surprise again. Looking forward for that day :)

***

It's amazing. I began to slowly find out the things that I like : food, music, clothes, style, interest, movies, hobbies, and friends, and so much more. I'm happy for what's going on, even though I'm already 20. Sometimes the voice inside me tells me this : "You should have done this a long time ago, sis!!" Well, shaddap. There's a time for everything. Even if I'd screwed up in the past, I still have the present to make up to.

I love the way You created me this way.
:)

Be Ok (acoustic)- Ingrid Michaelson

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

[CHORUS:]
Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

I just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

[CHORUS]

Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok

Dialogue

A morning with Hiromi Uehara's songs.

Three albums.

Another Mind. Spiral. Brain.

So inspiring.

Her music speaks.

Can tell that her piano playing is original and zesty!

Fast Forward

Do you know what I wanna do, right now?

Fast forward everything and live in the next... one and a half year later? Maybe?

Why?

This whole Berklee application thing is bugging my life. It worries me like day and night! You know what's funny?? I remember my all my worries, every single detail about them but not what I ate for dinner yesterday.

Can they not complicate stuffs and make the whole application process clear and smooth, ah? Can? Especially the audition dates. It's a hassle. And I don't have the peace and inspiration (yet) to actually come up with a song for the audition :(

Mean time, I want to work. I hope to get a job, music related ones (definitely not teaching, been there done that, dont wanna do it anymore for now) and not just doing housework for these 8 months, and getting nagged because I slack only one day of not doing housework. I hate the nagging. A lot.

Later

And in the evening, my aunt from Singapore came down. She bought me a Mac makeup and Kenzo perfume for ladies. Mom surprised me with 7 little tarts and they. were. good.

Birthday Happy

Birthdays are days where we remember the day that we were born.

I'm happy to be born. This year is my 20th year surviving on this planet.

But this year, I feel a little... different. Know why?

Coz I'm entering into young adulthood!

20

20

20

2020

202020

Okay 20. 

Just 20.

2020 gahaha Wawasan.

So, I had an early spontaneous birthday night out with two of my high school friends.

That one on the left (okay picture time :D) is Alex.

We were in the same drama team since I was in Form 1; same prefectorial board until we got bored of it. He's a year older than both of us.

The one in the middle is Faith.

Met her when I was in primary school, while we sitting for the UPSR.

(Omg UPSR was so yesterday, my lil bro is sitting for it this year)

And that's how our friendship began.

Sadly, she moved to home schooling when we were 15.

But, somehow, the three of us still talk like friends back in high school.

If I continue writing about stuffs that we do, it's gonna be long.

And we played Monopoly Deal at The Bee in Jaya One.

Yeah, finance boi from PJ won the deal that night.

Good job :P

Fashion designer and musician were pretty good at that game too :P

And then I woke up this morning, to find a gift from my big sister!

I'm not a teddy bear fan but it's so funnie to find one today. On my floor. On top of the gift box.
With no eyes.
Hahaha!

Assortment gifts from my big sister and lil bro. Every gift comes with a small hand made note in it. 

:')

Look at all the effort these two have put in.

(There are more cards in those bags actually)

These are just the morning surprises.

And yesterday's random milkshake party.

Gosh the milkshakes are awesome!!

It's Escalating

Ever since I started using my new phone, I seldom blog. I can easily update my statuses on my Twit and FB. So the laziness and slack off of taking time to write. Apologies from my side.

So I read some of my old posts. It looks as if Daphne Wee's life is half hanging. Well I can tell you, that, living the Christian life is always half hanging because I'll never know the full plan of it until what the Lord directs me to do. It's kinda like mysterious. Thing is, even if I'm like half hanging, it's okay to me. I'm worried least, whether will I make it in life or something, what I eat; what I drink; what I wear; who I date; who I'll marry; house I stay and all.

Right now, I wanna prepare myself for Boston- a city full of people, party and play. It's gonna be a great leap for me. A small town girl who moved with her whole family to a just a slightly bigger town when she was 11, had to adapt to the new environment, been brought up loving to stay at home most of the time, having a mom to cook, a sister to hang out with (well now it's getting far apart because she has to work) and a brother to play with (tho he's little, he gives me good advice most of the time- I have a genius brother ! ), and a dad to look after me when I'm sick. And soon, the time will come when I have to leave all these behind, and the past which I'm calling them present now, bittersweet memories and worries behind and jump into the deep blue sea somewhere in the United States. All alone. And that's where a new beginning begins. For awhile, and then I'll be back in no time.

A great leap like that it's like from using a Nokia 2700 to using the latest iPhone.

There's an adventure awaits for me. There's a test for me to sit. There's a time (no, all the time) I MUST rely on God to take care of me- physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

So the prophecy from a prophet shall come upon me.

I'm growing up. And I'm afraid.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 is fast tight inside my heart.

There's so much more to update in this blog, but they are too private for me to write them down here. That's all for now. It's escalating. 2013 is the year for me, my family and HIS church. It just started.

Matthew 5:3-10

³ “Great blessings belong to those who know they are spiritually in need.^[d]
    God’s kingdom belongs to them.
⁴ Great blessings belong to those who are sad now.
    God will comfort them.
⁵ Great blessings belong to those who are humble.
    They will be given the land God promised.^[e]
6 Great blessings belong to those who want to do right more than anything else.^[f]
    God will fully satisfy them.
⁷ Great blessings belong to those who show mercy to others.
    Mercy will be given to them.
⁸ Great blessings belong to those whose thoughts are pure.
    They will be with God.
⁹ Great blessings belong to those who work to bring peace.
    God will call them his sons and daughters.
¹⁰ Great blessings belong to those who suffer persecution for doing what is right.
    God’s kingdom belongs to them."

Uncertainly Certain

Attended Adele Lim's talk on Writing for TV series. If you don't know her, google her. She's awesome, a Malaysian whom made it to the Hollywood fame. Some of her works include One Tree Hill, Private Practice, Los Angeles and more.

I can't believe that I drove all the way there, without really knowing the roads, sat in the auditorium alone with a whole bunch of strangers and did the rest of the 'carrying myself' through the session. By the way, the parking system there is so weird.

Been having church practices non-stop again this year. Christmas is coming. I hope that one day I would be able to sit back and relax (actually I did that already last year) and enjoy Christmas service without fretting about presentations and trying my best to remember all my parts on the keyboard and the band. Well, it's an honour serving the King in His house, especially on His birthday. So, no complains. Do it with a cheerful heart; do it with excellence!

Anyway, today, (yea yea, the girl who's searching for her directions in life, it you're bored, don't read. I sometimes get bored of it too heheh) come to think about it, all these while I love to plan, plan, plan and get my security from those planning. My staying here wouldn't be the same like my sister, lawyer for the rest of her life! I thought that mine would have the same fixed job forever and ever Amen, but, it looks like I'm not destined to have that kind of life. Clearly, I have to solely depend on God's provision, directions, and especially financially. I have choices to make, what I wanna do, and so much more to discover what I like to do. But at the end of the day, I know that music will always be the focus, because He chose to gimme that gift and I have to serve Him in that area. God knows what the reason is behind it, I don't know, but He's sure that that gift is suitable for that person; He's sure that this gift is suitable for Dapernie Wee.

I'm positive that God is not a boring God. He loves adventures.
I'm also expecting a lot from Him next year. Even thought I don't quite figure what's gonna happen next year. Life is so uncertainly certain. Fun, but it requires you to take a new level of faith each time.

Good thing I'm not working in offices 9 to 5 kind of theng. My forehead would magically print out the word 'BOREDOM' for my boss to read.

Stuck Truck On A Highway

The car door was slammed. I peered outside my window, only to find a MAS air hostess standing at her gate, both hands dragging the luggage bags. It's my neighbour. She's back and her little son came out happily to greet his mother home. After a few minutes, another car came roaring at my neighbour's front gate. It was a black monster truck (that's what I called it, coz it's big and high). There came the man of the house. I bet he's happy at the very moment, after the long waiting for his wife to come home from work. Do I really want that kind of life in 10 years down the road?

***

Went out for lunch with bro. Overheard a table talking about business and plans and what and how about work. I love planning, oh yes I do, especially when it comes to the detail work. When I got back from a wedding rehearsal yesterday and started thinking to myself, what an event planner's life would be. Stressful and tiring, yet it's going to be a satisfying result once the event is done and was carried out wonderfully. You get to see all sort of people in the event and all, and look around feeling proud of your work. But the downside is that you have to sometimes work on Sundays. I love weddings, fairs, parades, birthdays, anniversaries, reunions, graduations, fashion shows, concerts and all (I think everybodeh loves that too right) I want to see things planned out well and smooth and everyone enjoying the night. The food, deco, drinks, programs and what not. Events planning sound like an interesting job.

***

I looked through the profile of some film composers like Randy Newman, only for today I just thought of googling him. Something about film scoring that always keeps me attracted to it. It's the music. The song writing. The composing. The lyrics. The job of course, and that I don't really have to put on live shows on pubs, bars and clubs. I get to stay at home or be in a studio with producers and other cool musicians, and sometimes, the team might travel. At the end of the day, once the movie is out, everyone would feel proud of something they did in the movie and everyone's watching it and that is just so awesome after all the hard work and sleepless nights. And you can edit the soundtracks and make them into perfecto musico. That's all that I can picture now but of course there's more.

-----

So, I hope to have a conclusion soon. The fees for Berklee is getting darn expensive. If I switch my direction, 2 years is ICOM is gonna be a waste. It's like Imma stuck truck on the highway. God, please show me which way.

Sincerely,
Daphne

This Is Our God : What Child Is This

This is the God that I've heard of since young, and now serving Him.

I've always wanted to do lots of things for Him. I've always thought that I should do something for God so that He is made known through me my lifestyles, attitude, personality, character, ministry, music career, family and relationship to make Him happy and proud of me. Bla bla own strength, own plans, own thinking, self-righteousness. Yes yes, we also ought to make sure all of these go well with Christ. With the help of the HS and depending of God's might. I know He can do everything, even the impossible ones. We all have heard of it, it's in the Word.
Truth is, even when I didn't love Him first, He already did- He already love me and is willing to do anything for me. That includes you, even if you can't believe it, it's done already. Just like how you got a free pass you don't have to pay for your parking ticket, because someone has already paid for you, you don't believe it but it's already done. Just accept it and enjoy the privilege. And of course appreciate it and be thankful.

Most of the time, being brought up in a Christian family, hearing so much about God and all, only experiencing Him can change everything. Words come to life, heart got convicted, life transformed, truths that set me free, learning how to think like Christ, be an overcomer and so much more and it's amazing.

In Him, there is no fear. But there is love, hope and power to overcome tough stuffs in life.

Fragments of Thoughts

My FB needs a cover photo soon, and a new profile picture. My Twitter cannot survive if it's just a green egg. And my blog... It's so full of words.

Okay! I will add albums to my FB soon. And more pictures on blog. After 23rd of December I hope.

I still think it's kinda a waste of time doing all these.

Coz, there's a lot of photos if I wanna upload them.

Anyway, am lovin' the morning rainy weather today :)

Happy.

When doing

Note to self and all my beloved friends reading this:

Do everything, everything with a cheerful heart, for God. It won't go to waste, time and effort, sacrifices and everything else. You know you have made a friend, in fact the most important friend you can ever have, smiled, and He is very happy. It will be meaningful.

Tho' the results may not be visible right now, remember that we have sown the seed for next time.
Rewards may not appear straightaway, but don't lose hope and don't quit believing.
Healing may not come instantly, maybe in a gradual manner.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for it. It is being certain of what we do not see.
This God I serve keeps His promise, read Hebrews, or 1 Peter chapter 1 or Romans or any part of that book. I believe in every word said in it. It strengthens. It gives hope when we have nothing to cling on to.

After all, when we suffer, we are full of joy because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the HS, whom He has given us.

Before I sleep tonight

You know what's the best thing everr to do?

Enjoy the present. Not thinking about the past (but you can appreciate what's from the past- successes, failures and disappointment, count them all as learning and be thankful) and not worrying about the future!

Enjoy the present!

Work smart. Eat well. Spend well- time, money and love.

Seek first the Kingdom of God. God will take care. It was hard to put in action at first, but I learn to give him back my future because I robbed it away from His hand. No point worrying and stressing out like a freak that cause you to be dull and sulk like a long cucumber. Also, no point frowning about the past, it won't do any good for your future and especially your present. So why waste time and energy dwelling the past and living in the future so much, Dafahnie?

Enjoy every present moment. Be a blessing to others and find satisfaction and fulfillment when we serve others. Tired at first, but I remember once someone (oh cwrappp I forgotten who that fellow is shucks) said that STRENGTH IS FOR SERVICE, NOT STATUS.

I remember who it is!! It's Sidney Mohede and I'm too lazy to delete what I've just typed above.

Anyway, God will give strength to those who need it. Strength to serve others, not to build my own "kingdom", reputation, power and influence. Tiring, to have to maintain and keep up with whatever that needs to once you're in the lime light. I want to see others happy more than anything else coz that makes me happy. It's beautiful when you see smiles on faces, don't you think so? Smiles are gifts from God.

Ok, maybe not so much on this cheeky kid hahahah!

Rawr!

:)
Teehee!

Goodnight.

Happy Feeling

I thought that my Arranging for Horns was terrible, that's why my final grade was a C+

(I've never gotten a C+ before in my exams! Okay, lies, except for one English paper in college last year, coz I wrote out of topic about Beatlesmania, and Physics in one of my form 4 monthly exams). Anything below B- is badd.

So, I sought for comments from my lecturer and he said that my project was a pretty awesome chart. In fact I got an A for my finals! But but, what went wrong? Was it because of my first project? That I've submitted late? And my saxes aren't coming out after I burned them in a cd. Or it was just plain... terrible. Anticipating for his second reply on FB right now.

This brighten up my day today. If I didn't have asked him, I might suffer from this "I-suck-in-arranging"syndrome forever and it becomes a huge stumbling block in me. This taught me a lesson too. Never give up hope so easily. Even if it's really terrible, try again. If it's the 11th time you still don't make it, then give up (Okay this is my theory hehe) and move on with something else in life. At least now that I know my project isn't a dump or a bunk idea, I still can do something about it by improving whatever I need to improve.

Sis is coming back from KK later. Sent my car for service. Happy. Transcribing a Christmas song for the church. Pitch Perfect tomorrow with my friends (I hope it turns out haha). Supposed to go for rock climbing with my high school friend but I have practice in church later on. Bought like so many dresses for Christmas season. Looking forward to 2 functions to attend this weekend. And and, mom's making lasagna for lunch righttt now!! Omgaah I'm rambling again.

Just feelin' happy.

:)

Right Now

Maybe all these while I've been using my own strength.
No wonder the tiredness and endless frustrations, when things didn't turn out the way I wanted.
Harsh, but maybe I needed these to teach me a lesson.

That awful feeling when you choke on your tears.

Simple Christmas Message

I find this message is so cute. Dad shared this from his friend who've emailed him early today.
It's Christmas month everyone! Christmas is a time to love.
It's not just a celebration with performance, food, fun and music, it's deeper than that. If only we could search a little more in this Christmas season.

It's all about LOVE!
:)

Lucy

Narnia has this great impact every time I watch it, especially on our walk with God, individually. That's what that makes me wanna watch Narnia every time, in every seasons of life, to remind me of who God is and what He can do. There's so many insightful words and meaning in it and CS Lewis is the all time one of the greatest writers ever in history. I wish I could meet him but he's... dead.

:(((

One of the scenes that I really love in the 2nd Narnia is at 2:21. Lucy knows that with Aslan, not any evil or powerful men can shake her faith. She doesn't look at the circumstances around her, she trusted Aslan because she knows who He is, and what He can do. All she needs is Aslan. I love it because Lucy knows she couldn't do it alone by herself (to take down all those men) and she has only one small dagger with her. But behind her, there stands the Great King Aslan. She fears not of the situation and what men can do to her. Thus, she walks confidently on the bridge (another significant event, bridges : when we cross something in life), knowing who's with her.

La Luna (Pixar)

I've watched this a long time ago but it still makes me wanna eat the stars! Crunchy. Inspiring.

Crap

I need to unwind myself here. But I just couldn't do it here. Coz all people do is talk and judge. When they see your new status on FB, Twitter post or blogs.

You guys just gotta stop having so much expectation on me as a musician.
And if I don't do this and that for you, you judge! What the hell.
Throwing me last minute jobs and all because no one wants to take them, well cut it out!

Loose no hope

You didn't give up on me; You won't and You never will.
That's why I can have hope in You, even when there isn't left any place for me to believe.

I am going back to discipline tomorrow. Start by cleaning my room, cleaning the bathroom, keep the 3 baskets of clothes loaded in em (all these my sister can escape cz she'll be away in an AWESOME holiday in KK), start arranging the Christmas presentation song, and my cousin's wedding songs that is coming up really soon! Omgahhh.

Enough of going to bed and waking up in the morning feelin' crappy about myself and not doing something productive and just sulk all day.

I'm also gonna apply for MAS and Berklee's scholarship audition and admission that is so so coming up.

It's okay to try. Like for the MAS. Just submit it into God's loving hands. When there's a NO, it's a loving no from the Father who knows everything; what's going to happen, does it suit me or not.

I should learn the trade about music, since I'm called to do this. I shouldn't be looking to the left or right and be nossy about people's business; what are they doing, what are they getting and their fabulous pay. Just take my time. But but, I thought that I too should be doing something and blossom like an awesome flower in the field. It's just not the time, yet. My time will come. Just set my heart right with the loving Father and give my best in big things or little things I do, without loosing hope, even when things didn't turn out the way I want them to be.

Never ever loose your hope! Hope in Jesus. Only He can guarantee our future. Loosing hope is dangerous it can even take away your zeal.Without hope, a man's life becomes meaningless, it's like death inside the soul. It isn't pleasant. Really.

I wish

Getting stuck is a no no fun. Not cool. Now I know what it feels like to be an aimless person. Driving without a direction; staring into thin air; playing the piano without emotions; and eating without feeling full (okay not to that extreme hehe).

I wish to be like the little kids playing swing in the playground at 4:43pm. Remember the view you look up the sky while swinging? Awesome. I wish to be like the girl in sweat pants cycling in town, when she can actually choose to drive a car but she chose the other alternative. I also wish to understand how those two black birds on the field live so freely.

Close my eyes, every night, wishing that all my worries would go away when I open my eyes the next morning. But, things just don't work that way.

I wish this season would end soon. I'm afraid of loosing my zeal and hope at this young age. It shouldn't be this way. Maybe one would just encourage me and slap me on the head. Maybe I'm just so terrified of the truth that I just wouldn't wanna admit.

Live to Love

Oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the South of France
let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters
and teach them how to dance
let's get rich and build our house on a mountain
making everybody look like ants
from way up there, you and I, you and I, you and I.

Ingrid Michaelson- You and I

I dream of a life like that- carefree enough not to worry about money and all.
Live to love!

Caught up in space and time

Honestly, I don't know what's next in life for me. I've come to a point where uncertainties covered my view and it's far beyond my imagination to imagine what is it like the future for me.

I finally completed my 2-year Berklee Transfer Programme in ICOM. Things that I've learned and grown so much throughout the times in college have taught me some valuable lessons to mature from a teenager to a young adult very soon. High school years wasn't a place for me to learn, I was comfortable with it. But to me, college is the playground for survivors.

That's when who you decide to become, which friends you decide to mix with, whom you decide to pledge your loyalty to- yourself, your friends, or God.

College years took me out from my comfortable shell. I was forced to dive into the deep ocean without knowing what's in it. But I survived! And it wasn't easy. So much confusion and frustration along the way. All these were necessary for me. Edges have been trimmed. So much has been groomed to be a young woman.

This time, I'm frank enough to tell everyone, including God; He's the centre of my life, that I'm tired. Running in miles after miles, a good break would help to refresh my mind, my thinking, my dreams, my ambitions and my passion.

So many decisions waiting to be decided. I feel like putting everything into halt for a moment and run away from decisions making. It's frustrating! Time is running so fast and it waits for nobody- not for the rich, not for the famous, not for the talented, not for the powerful, not for the poor, and not even for the cat that passes by my house door every day!

I don't have a conclusion tonight. Just wanting to let thoughts and insights float through space and eventually the good and right ones in sync with God's become a reality.

So Faithful

It's coming to an end soon. Tomorrow's my last pi exam. And then I'm officially done in ICOM. The 2 years spent in there felt like 4 years.

After tomorrow, I have lots of thinking to do. Christmas presentation, to audition for Berklee again or not, to choose which major, to go for the MAS interview or not, to practice more, to sign up for violin lessons and vocals, to clean my room, to this and to that and also to say goodbye to my friends; some who are leaving Malaysia for good to further study and some going back to their country.

But this morning, driving on the way to church for 8am practice, the morning sun and its golden rays glowed so beautifully in the sky. God's wonderful creation reminds me of so faithful of Him in my life. It doesn't matter how I feel today, He is loyal. His creation is such a nice sight to behold! Oh yes, I do focus on the road when I'm driving.

I was reminded of living for Christ. But I struggle with my own desires and ambitions.
I cannot lose hope. If I do lose hope, I've lost the battle. Christ is the victory. Hold on to Him. Everything I do, I should do it with joy, do it with excellence.

Somtimes, I'm impatient to see the results.

Who's who

An insecure person looks for confirmation and sometimes attention from others and later feel good about themselves.

As sons and daughters of our Father in Heaven, know your identity, know who you are, a royal priesthood and heirs in the Kingdom of God, God's beloved and you're fearfully and wonderfully made, you can rise above any challenges that come in your way.

The challenges may be so big, but you are bigger than the challenges because God is big. And He lives in you.

Skeptical

After the interview in Park Royal Hotel today, I met this guy today whom he introduced himself as the interviewer from Ifeel magazine. Actually, he was tailing me from behind 2nd floor to G floor, I was aware of him tho. So obviously I avoided him until he managed to stop me and make a short conversation. After googling it, apparently it's a chinese magazine from Astro or something like that. He took down my number and we exchanged contacts later.

I'm feeling skeptical about this.

1cm more!

Today's the most exciting day for me. I got up early at 7am and snoozed my alarm till 8.35am. Ehehe. Not so early anymore actually. I was all ready for my interview with SIA in Park Royal Hotel this morning.

Reached there, everyone looked so stunning and smokin' hot. Even the men! Tall and good looking ones were walking here and there. Every girls in the hotel dolled up nicely and put on their best working clothes. Me? Yeah, I put on my make up too and wore my best heels. Esther did some touch up for me. Thanks! :)

Lots of waiting to do this morning. I sat there, thinking, wow sheesh they are all so tall and pretty! Felt like chicken out this time. But I told myself, I've already made my effort to come all they way here, prepared all my documents (looks like my SPM results do still have its use until now) and am already well attired, my as well JUST...do.it. Trying to convince myself, I gulped.

When it comes to my group's turn, there were 9 of us in the room for the first round. We have a total of 4 rounds of interview if I'm not mistaken. Singapore has 6 rounds. So, we entered the room, and thank God my tension has been released earlier and I told myself JUST...do.it. And I wanna do my best. I really wanted this job so much! More than anything else right now.

During the interview, all sort of people you meet.

At the end of the interview, out of 9, only ONE was chosen and my heart sank down when the name was announced as "Wehy Yan Oi". Who the fella is that? Who's Yan Oi?? Who's surname is Wehy??! Everyone was looking around. It was me!! I looked at the form and I was really surprised. Then, a lady took me to the measurement room and my height was taken as 157cm. Whatt? My passport height is 158cm and that was taken 2 years ago. How did this happen? I'm very upset. Very Very upset. One moment I was in cloud 9, the next thing I know I was at the bottom of something something. (Sorry, Im too lazy to think of a good way to describe). Immediate rejection. Bummer. 

From today onwards I'm gona take milk and cheese, and mom's gonna boil me a special soup for me to grow taller. Together with prayer, I'm asking God to help me grow taller, 1cm...2cm...3cm... more! I'm not gonna stop right here. Do you know, the pay and satisfaction of being an air hostess is so much more than doing a professional job or being a musician? Maybe I'm just going thru' the emotions right now, but in logic, yes I'd rather be an air stewardess. Life as a musician is so hard. I can never get this kind of pay as a musician. However, my intention was to just work for 3 years and then back to my music degree. And during that 3 years, I just wanted to travel, get some inspiration, experience and exposure coz I'm very well protected at home, in school and all. I just want to leave home for awhile and do something spontaneous like this.

Anyway, I won't give up. I'm gonna grow a few more centimetres. Out of all these today, I've learnt much on confidence when you present yourself to others. Don't ask me what's my plan right now, I don't have.

Lord of The Rings - The Hobbit (Piano/Cello Cover) - ThePianoGuys

Listening to this on a rainy day :)
Check out his Peponi (Coldplay's Paradise) and One Republic/Beethoven's 5 Secrets rendition.

About to close soon

In a month's time, I might just close down this blog. And start a new one.
I've figured out that I should start and write something fresh and new next year.
Something more insightful and less ramblings around :P
I'll be hitting down the Twenty road next year.
When I read back my super antique blog posts, I couldn't help it at the stuffs that I wrote. My goodness (shakes head) :P
All the memories of being a youth; live, laugh, learn and love shall stay here.
I pretty conclude that my teenage years were brought up in a good environment, with protective parents around me, a good family role model to look up to, a cute little bro to play with, a church to serve and grow up with encouraging friends, and my high school years with all my studious friends- they were crazy bunch too. Good influence people. Everything was so good and nice. Too good and nice, as if I were living to close-to-perfection world. And sometimes I fear, shucks, I'm living in a so protected environment, how am I gonna survive in the real world out there? Especially when I'm gona go to the States soon, all alone, without my family. My family plays an important part in my life, like 90% of it.

But next year on wards, things are going to change. Here comes the line cliche, ready?? I'm gonna start a new chapter of life. Read it like a thousand times coz many have written this kan? That's why I don't like Twilight, because there too many people liked it and it becomes so commercialized. It's overrated, overused, has this overplayed songs Bella's Lullaby and all and it's just so exaggerating. Not that I haven't read the book before, but after one chapter during high school one of the free period, I felt like it's better for me to go back solving my Add Maths problems (that was how boring it was to me :P). Okay if my friend ever read this she might just skin me alive.
College years in Icom were a sneak preview of what's coming ahead, and I find that it's only 'mild'. Long story. But I got the exposure of what is might coming up to me. Scary. But J is in me, to tell me that I can TRUST somebadee to be with me.

I want my holiday. I want it so much like now! Just gota hang in there for another 2 more exams. One is the Ensemble for Pop and Rock, the other is my Piano.
So much in line to do and enjoy during my long break. Can't wait. So can't wait.

:)

Relaxing in Kuantan now. Waiting to go back to KL, actually to college on the way, practice and soundcheck till 9.30pm or 10pm. Exam's tomorrow!

My 10.11.12

Best thing ever : Nothing but a cuppa English tea and some newspapers on a Saturday morning.

PS: I'm wishing for a wishing star to make the days go faster to Thursday. I want my project to end n.o.w. but it looks like it's dreading me.

On Thursday, I'm gona hang out with my siblings and shop! And eat ice cream. And then off for a worship session with Jason Jo in church. Looking forward for Thursday! So looking forward.

I'm so never gonna major in arranging next time, especially for Horns.

Have Your grace in me to help me get done my project. I don't want it a 80% good from me. I want it a 100%.

Today's date looks cool. I wonder this time, how many couples are getting married today.
:P

My One

I don't care whether am I good enough for everyone or not.
But to Someone I care so much on His opinion, here I am, take me as an offering; here I am, giving every heartbeat, FOR YOUR GLORY.

Yes, for Your glory.
I only have one heart, and that is the most that I have in me to give.

Don't feel like

Playing the piano...

Sometimes I feel like playing, other times I'm just so done with it.
Why?
I wonder if it's okay to be this way.

When life gets overwhelming

A few of us decided to go on a spontaneous trip to Penang on Saturday. It was a good break for everyone, well at least I think it is for me :)

Yes yes, I'll upload the photos soon (that's what she said), not on blog, but on FB, when I have time, when I get the photos from my friends. Those guys have good phones and one with a DSLR Canon. The thing is, time passes in KL is always faster than anywhere else. All you KLians, I hope you're with me.

I'm really looking forward for my first long break ever soon, in a month's time. To be precise, my break will start in December. November is like the killer month where assignments, band practices, PI practice and get the band together, presentation (I hate talking in public) and also trying to juggle both church and self in one piece.

Time is the most selfish friend I've ever known! It doesn't wait for anyone. You have to plan well and take control of it. Otherwise, toooooo bad. When life seems to be running so fast, activities after activities and you don't have time to process all your thoughts after a long day, and life just goes on, I've figured out that that is the time where we all need to get away from work and the place where we normally be and go for a holiday.

I dislike being a workaholic. Honestly, there's not much of a point to just work all day and no play. Life is interesting if we just don't make work our main focus. Of course we do work too, and enjoy the fruit of our work. The Bible also tells us to work diligently, and God will bless the work of our hands. But if work is all that it is in life, life becomes meaningless. I want to build relationships with people around me; I want to encourage them; I want to write music that inspires the listeners; I want to be a good example to the next generation. In other words, live to serve others.

I also wanna go for trips with people I care and love. And be away from work once in a while to let my hair down.

Lots of thoughts that I still yet to process them. From work to friends, school projects to family's business and soon, I'll be reaching another cross road of deciding what I wanna do in my career. Okay, but lets not go there yet. I will cross the bridge when it's in front of me. Now, it is time to get my Arranging for Horns project started!

:)

On an Exploration

What makes a person laugh? What makes a person paint with so much inspiration? What makes a person bless another over lunch? What makes a person smile as a sign of respect to an elder as they happened to meet? What makes a person look up at the sky and be thankful for all that he has? What makes a person having a sense of security in his heart, knowing that the future does not bother him?

So, I've decided to do something worth the sacrifice, no matter how long it's going to take or how inconvenient it gets; I'm embarking on a journey of discovery; I'm digging deep into the HEART.

What is heart? What can it do? One thing I know about the heart is that it has the capability to manipulate intentions, desires, dreams, thoughts and the behavior of a person. The heart is influential. What we say, do, feel, think and act come from the inner core of our beings, that is the heart.

I want to know more about the heart. I want to know deep what is it to have a heart for Jesus, and a heart for people. Is it through desperate cries? Is it through something sacrificial- time, money, service, love etc. ? Is it through rejoicing in all circumstances? Is it having self-control over things around?

This discovery is for the best. It's for long term. Doing the right thing is not enough for me. I wanna put in my heart too when I do something. All these, especially in music. Combining these two can be a catalyst in God's kingdom work. Remember, God has a heart too :) Dad's study Bible has a list of key words behind and HEART is one of the MOST listed verses EVER! Okay, if this is what it takes for me and I know the answers are all found in the Bible, I'm gonna do it. After all, it is part of getting to know better about the Creator of HEARTS and I get to understand Him and the heart more.

May God's grace ( a lot of them ) be with me. I need them loads.

Once we know where the heart is, fire will lit up and we burn with passion in all we do.

For JC.