Anticipating

I really can't wait to pass this week.

Wednesday is the day to submit my Arranging for Horns- a super tedious assignment. It looks to me as if it's never ending! But it'll end... I really want it to end soon.
On Friday, it's my group's turn to present some "stuffs" (topics I can't recall from the e-mail) in Western Music History class. Gaaah, I haven't done any of the research yet, and we haven't discussed anything at all and I totally can't remember what are the topics we're supposed to talk about.

And...
Tribute practices.
I look forward to it. It's fun and tiring.

After this week, especially Friday, I'm gonna watch movies from my hard disc like the whole day! And enjoy the last few days of tribute practices before Tribute the day comes.
And then... more practice teehee! Here's the promo video :

Tribute to Bee Gees

An Evening Walk

So, today is Tanglung Festival. Mom actually bought us colourful paper lanterns. This brought me back to my childhood. Reminiscing what we did when we were young with all our neighbours :

-lit up the tanglung and walk around the 'taman'
-lit up candles around our walls and gardens
-took 2 bricks and Milo metal cover tin and the 'masak-masak' began!
-we played this little game of catching 'bad people' in the dark and just run around and laughed so hard. I don't even know what was so funny about it but we just had a great time together :D

I missed my neighbours :) Without them, I wouldn't have had a memorable childhood.

My family and I walked around the neighbourhood. Dad took a picture of us with his BlackBerry. Kinda bad lighting though hehe.

I feel like a child today again :)

Hello.

Just felt like writing something here.. :P

Think again

If you think that I'm a goodie goodie Christian, that I'll always help you, do you a favour and do all your s*** , and plus, if you didn't ask me in a polite way and take me for granted, you be careful of who you're dealing with. I am not subjected to you, neither am I your servant. I serve only one Master and when I serve, I definitely make sure that I'm doing it with my whole heart.

I am not letting anyone pushing me around to do their stuffs.
I used to give in and thought that someone had to be the "peacemaker", but that's not the way.
I'm not a dumb dumb anymore.

Another New Toy

Mommy bought me a v.i.o.l.i.n. today!

I'm all so excited with this new instrument.
I really am.
You have nuuu idea how much I've already long for a violin since... when I was a kid. I have always love violins. Back then in Mentakab, my BFF neighbour took up violin as her second instrument and I used to think how nice if I get to play the violin. She graduated recently with a diploma! :D

Violins are easy to carry around. They have beautiful warm tone (if they are played well) that gives me goosebumps. Although they are a small and handy instrument, they are difficult to be played in the technical part.
It sounds scary sometimes. The thought of "Will I give up half way?" and I told myself that I will persevere. But it's a dream come through for me though (Yes, this sounds cliche, but it is really like a dream come through today *smiley!).

I think violins are pretty, mysterious and... sexy hehe :P
My first violin lesson is coming soon and I'm all so eager about it, it's the same feeling as my first day of music college.

***

I believe that this is a new season for me- exploring season. So many new things popping up like fresh mushrooms- new opportunity, new work, new toy to learn, new mindset, new strength, new music area to explore, new choices to make and so much more. They are all coming in so fast and I'm excited and overwhelmed. My heart must be still and discern which is to take and choose wisely, nevermind I know when I ask HS, He will tell me. Updates coming up soon because I gtg now. Why? Where? I'm dreading for teaching tonight. Urghh, replacements replacements. Seriously?! Some of your terms and conditions don't make sense to me.
PS: I'm quitting on this teaching centre end of this month. It's a workaholic environment over there with no mercy and a kind pay, and I'm really upset about it. But, I'll be still teaching in the other music centre.

The 3 Things

I once came across to a friend of mine who put this as her 'About Me" on FB :

"You can't get to know me on FB."

I second that!

3 Things:

One: I can relate more when I talk to a friend in person.

Two: I don't post what's personal to me.

Three: I rarely update my statuses and photos on the net.

Ignore the grey arrows hehe!

To me, I'd rather talk face to face to a person than having conversations through FB, Twitter and Blogs. It's more meaningful to have a friend spending time with me in person. It feels more real to me rather than us chatting in an internet chat space. UNLESS... The practical side, that is, my friend is living in a far far away land and that's necessary to use social network to connect. Or it's something urgent that we need to talk over the net. 

I also wouldn't wanna write my personal stuffs in any of those social network and tell them in public. There's a thing I use regularly and it's called the "Journal" (Tadaa!:) ), where privacies and secrets are kept in it, where only the author alone knows. All my experiences, personal insights, thoughts and feelings, I do not update them in my FB and Twitter statuses, including Live.Laugh.Learn.Love.

Even normal events about what I've done, where I've been, photos taken, what I ate and every single thing that I'm doing, I don't do much updating in my statuses. I guess I'm not as gung ho as my other friends who took the initiative to 'beautify' their profiles with pretty wall papers, uploading nice pictures, pen down insights and statuses and all.

...

It's never ending! :P

So, stuffs that I write on social networks are just stuffs to share with friends, and I've already made sure that it's alright for me to write them in public. FB is considered as public to me! Therefore, I only limit a few friends in my Twitter (it's still public to me heh..)

Yes, you can't get to know me on FB, Blogs and Twitter. Maybe a little.

:)
Have a good day tomorrow!

Another child prodigy loh

When I was 4...

I was playing Mary Had a Little Lamb and Jingle Bells.

...

There are plenty of children like him out there. Parents should know what's best for their kids because of their incredible ability.
The title of this vid may seem a bit offensive, but my attention is only on this little kid.
PS: I don't really understand canto. Anyway, just watch the little fingers swift on the piano lah! Don't think so much! :)

Brian Tyler, Film Scoring

Thank my friend, he told me about Brian Tyler.
So I googled search him in HERE.
He plays like 50 instruments, UCLA and Harvard grad.
I was just watching all his tutorial vids on youtube. I'm gonna watch the 9 youtube vids and just listen to his composition on the linked page.
I'm also checking out another guy soon, Michael Giacchino, because bro is watching Super 8 now and I heard the background music.
This Michael guy, Juilliard grad.
Man, these guys all are inspiring me with their compositions.

Treble Clef, anyone?

Today, I've realized that music students are one of the interesting people on earth.
When I entered music college, I thought that these students all play music on fresh green grass (there ain't pretty green grasses in ICOM...) eat music, and sleep music. They probably are all happy-go-lucky-ians which turn all their problems and sorrows into lyrics and melodies. Plus, I'd thought that music students hate studying books that's why they study music because Maths and Biology became their enemies.

But you'll soon find these kids highly intellectual and sophisticated, slightly more sensitive and emotional human beings than the rest of the kids who don't study music. Just because we kids didn't want to grow up working in offices and departments, doesn't mean that we're slackers, retarded and weird. We're just being a little creative and imaginative with our thoughts and views about life, people and everything. Surprised, you may get when you find a 'him''s parents both are doctors and he ended up as a musician. Or another whose father or mother is an engineer or a dentist. I met a couple of friends who were almost similar with me, thinking of studying in med school before making a risky choice to pursue after music.

Risky?

Yeah. Musicians do not have much stable pay compared to a lawyer, a dentist, a teacher, an engineer and a vet. We may be looked down by society, where some may think we're less useful to the world because we don't give services like doctors and finance consultant all, where they think we're not really good with our studies because only half the side of our brains are working, and that we're so emotional we may act like a freak when we perform and express our thoughts and feelings through music. Well, it takes a lot of courage, boldness and... lots of thinking to do first for someone before stepping into this field. Even parents are skeptical in sending their children to study music. I thank God both my parents trusted my decision because we know God is at hand.

So. Since music school is ranked as the second most expensive course ever (I guess Med school is the most costly one), I will make sure my parent's hard earned money not go to waste. I will also make sure that God's talent in me will not just sit there and do nothing, but to serve others with it. Music is easy. Your head, my head, their heads and everyone's heads. Well, maybe it is slightly easier, coz' we don't have to do lab experiments, reports, thesis and test papers full of fun facts and theories from the great noble inventor and founder of something great. But we do have tougher parts too like practicing, working with a band, working on improving our playing and techniques, getting jobs bla bla. It's a musician's world. We all strive to survive. We work while we're studying. Age is not a matter. Gaah so many things.

Nothing is easier than this or that. Everything has something to work on this and that.

***
My dad mistaken me as my sister, thought I owed him >rm700++ in his credit card. Scared the cwrap out tha' me.

Can I bury my head now?

How is that so, everyone I know (almost everyone) has already gotten things figured out in their lives?
Like, they know what they're passionate of, they know which direction to head to, they know what are their callings and ministries, they know what they're good at, they just seem to know what's going on in their lives.

Most of the time I don't know about everything. Well, maybe I know a little of those stuffs mentioned above. But I don't know whether is it God's will or not, and it takes time to seek Him.

Seeing all my friends and family members being outstanding and achieving in what they do, I became anxious and  frustrated.
That feeling sucks.
I'm happy and proud of them, really I am. But I want it too.
How's mine so slow.. I'm not seeing it.

Was it because I didn't put enough effort in it?
But they seem to succeed things in life so fast, as though it's by chance or favour.
Was it because I was fearful of new things and have missed that opportunity?
Again and again?
...
This, sucks.

Amazing Grace Live in Cape Town/Tokyo

Fourplay playing Amazing Grace hehe!
Vid1: Live in Cape Town
Vid2: Live in Tokyo Jazz Festival.

I love the 2nd one :)

A New Tide Coming

I'm feelin' so excited!
All ready to set things right.
All ready to try new things.
All ready to meet new people.
All ready to practice.
All ready to just... practice!

Singing, violin, piano, drums, composing, writing, film scoring, arranging, performing and practicing (that's all I can think of now).

First, I'm gonna say goodbye to all of my students except for two. I will miss each and everyone of them because we became attached in this 6 months together.
I have to. I gotta explore the other side of music.

The thought of leaving behind a stable pay job scares me to a small island in Luluhama which it doesn't exists. It's an uncalculated risk I'm taking. But, I'm 19 and still tender in age. What is life then without having to take risk and step out of the circle? To see big waves, go to the sea. If I stand by the river, hoping to see big waves, myself sell flowers by the roadside right?
I have the peace to do things like that. Trust. TRUST is a big word, and know that everything is in my Father's good hand. Close ones who know me, know me well enough that I won't risk unless I'm sure. But this time, however, it's a little different. I'm blur but sure.

Better start exploring as much as I can now while I still have the brains and energy.
That is, of course, with Jesus walking with me along the path.
Otherwise, without Him, that path will only lead to destruction and ultimately, death.
Be careful Daphne. Listen closely to the still, small voice. Sharpen your discernment. You wouldn't wanna end up like a fool.

Keyboard awaits me!

Ops, I'm sorry. Really?

When someone has wronged you, how do you know which is your apology language?
-When he/she expresses regrets?
-When he/she is accepting responsibilities?
-When he/she is determine to make restitution?
-When he/she genuinely repents?
-When he/she requested for forgiveness?

Take the quiz: Apology language
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

Wonderful, so wonderful!

Wherever you go, to a good or not so good land, the blessings of God will make you prosper with authority because you know who you are. -Pastor Mario E.

How to choose a good decision?
-Find something that stirs your heart
-Find something you love to do
-Know that God is with you.

It's just like Abraham whom he gave Lot to benefit to choose between the two lands. The good land was taken by Lot and he left Abraham with the not so good land. Ah, shucks. That was what Abraham might be thinking. But he knows, that the blessings of God is with him. He obeyed.

To me, the Blessings of God are:
-His favour to be with you in your work, your ministry.
-He'll provide all that you need.
-He'll even want to bless you with goods so that you can enjoy life after all your hard work.
-He'll multiply.

Once we know who we are and who we are serving, we will never be poor or miserable. We rise up as princes and princesses of heaven, to walk on earth with authority and shame the devil, to be heavenly minded and over come the natural with the supernatural power of God.

The Kingdom of God is so wonderful!

On Time

I see so many of my beautiful female friends, especially the ones with pure hearts- inward beauty- and with character. So much so, they are still single. Why?
They have the looks.
They have the character.
They have the heart for God.
They have the brains.
They have a good sense of humour too!

Where are all the godly men? (Not the religious ones, mind you.)

Guys, fight for us, fight for the ladies. Guard your heart from all evil things. Keep away from what your flesh desires, what your emotions tell you to do, but keep your eyes fixed on JC. Then you'll know what to do.

Meanwhile, my wish and hope to my single girly friends : Don't fret. Don't fuss. Turn all your frowns upside down. There is definitely that one man that is guarding his heart for you because you too are guarding your heart until you're for each other. The Big Boss up there knows and He sees.
He is planning. He's not late, He's only on time.

I can't say of much now.

But I know mine would have a story too to pen down one day.

We Are Family

I was a Sunday Christian. But you taught me to be an everyday Christian.
I was abandoned outside. But you welcome me with open arms.
I lost my family. But you extended your love to me, took me in as yours.
I was hungry, and you gave me milk and food.
I couldn't love, but you show me how through all your lives.
I though that all my hopes have gone down the drain, but you taught me the Kingdom of God to be over comers in Christ, to stand up again and fight, and know my identity in Christ.
I lost my passion for music, but you gave me a place to serve the King again.
All that I was given, my heart is deeply grateful for your kindness, love and hospitality.
Every Sunday, I now look forward to be with all of you because
You are my family- HIS Church. And all the Thursday practices too. Every moment when I'm in the presence of this big family, in that place, I feel at home. But one day, we all will move into a bigger home that will last forever and I know it'll be great because we will be together forever.

Family love one another. Everything you did for us, you gave us the best. You did it all out of love for your children.

I will miss you so much when I leave for Boston.

Lets do this!

I remember Mom said this to me about giving birth: (Giving birth??)

"If everyone can do this, wth, so can I,"

But now, I'm not talking about the distress of giving birth. I'm talking about some other anguish.

"If everyone can do this, wth, so can I,"

Practicee! Even if it takes (such a loooooooo*yawns*oooooong) time to see the results and it hurts the fingers.

"If everyone can do this, wth, so can I,"

El Oh Wee Ee, LOVE!:)

They are 5 love languages to love and being loved by your loved ones :

1. Time
2. Action
3. Gifts
4. Words
5. Touch

Have you found yours?

Blue blue no more

I'm feeling a little blue today.
But a few college friends of mine took time to chat with me, encourage and motivate me.
Thanks!:)

Continue waiting

Giving up is the worst option ever.
Do not do it.
Press on, be patient. Persevere. God is not slow in His promises. He's always on time.

A quitter never finishes and a finisher never quits.
(Gota thank my SMK Seksyen 3 for that words of encouragement on the mural painting wall)

?

Why am I sitting here for?
What am I doing?
Should or shouldn't I be doing something?

Chug-o-choo

Relationships are the toughest ship to navigate. They are difficult and complicated.
One moment the ship is saying to be sailing on calm sea, the next thing you know it's going through a rough, bad weather and the ship is tossed. Whoosh!

Broken, and you know it takes time to repair.

Will I trust them again? Will I see you as the same way I first saw you?

Love, even though I don't like (them).

the Daphne

It took me almost 2 years to finally understand something.
That I be the Daphne God has designed me.
That all I have to depend on is Jesus.

I never felt comfortable to sweet talk the "in" groups so that I can be in it.
Not that I never tried, in some point of life there's the trial and error moment.
I thought that it was the way of life if you want to succeed- connections, friends, to get a job, recognition, promotion, being popular etc.
After all, having people like that really looks cool on a musician. Musicians die die also must have contacts kan? But I do not want to have my contacts by being who I'm not, and to compromise with things that I'm uneasy about and all. It ain't right for me.

But the more I tried, the more stifling I get. At the end of the day, I wasn't myself and it was like I had bind up my own hands and feet, and lived in darkness. What was so beautiful in the eyes of the Lord had been hidden inside by me, just to mask myself because I fear the fear of rejection and having to fail something. This ain't right for me again!
At the end of the day, being 假假 is not what I want, even if it's just one bit of it.

Be unique, be authentic.

Friends of mine, they have really good mouths, and then I started to panic!
I'm not so a good speaker like them, but I do talk when it's necessary. I tried to be like them but it'll just make things funny.

So, I want to just be the Daphne that I'm comfortable with, the Daphne that God is pleased with.
If that person can succeed, I too can. I can because I have Jesus. As long as I remember Him, obey Him, He'll see me through all seasons of my life.
People's comments about myself won't bother me so much. The most important comment comes from my Father in Heaven, and my family whom I trust these people have no intentions to harm me but to help me grow.

Going out now to bring bro and family for Sammy's Adventure2 3D tonight. My treat because I got my gaji today nyeheh. Tata!

Double agent

What goes into your mouth does not make you 'unclean'. It's what comes out of your mouth that makes you unclean.

Water reflects your reflection. The heart reflects who you really are.

I sigh when I see Christians are the biggest hypocrites.

I'm not saying that I'm better than anybody. I'm also not perfect. But I try to live by the Word.

Sometimes, most of the time, claimed Christians can be the worst.

You talk so much like you know everything and you look down on others.

You claim to be one of Jesus's followers, but you don't live like one.

Instead you slander and you gossip.

You never set a good example.

Shame on you.

Enough is enough!

Few things to ponder over.

I am growing up.

I will make my own decisions.

And stand firm with that decision.

I do not want to pretend anymore. 

Just to be in the what seem like a cool gang to hang out with,

Just to please you

and gain your favour.

I thought that by compromising and tolerating with your demands,
Becoming like the way you think, you talk and you behave,

I would finally fit in and be welcomed.

Not anymore.

I was so blinded! The line to differentiate good and bad is not that vague actually. Yet, I acted as if everything is all good. That rope of hope I used to cling on- that bullies and divas somehow will see that little ray of light in their souls and turn towards it- I've released it.

Yep, I've changed. Definitely.

I'm not playing dumb in that game anymore.
Wisdom just walked in through my door.

Enough is enough.

Guess what?

It sucks to be the blur one, always.
It also sucks so bad to be the one taken advantaged of by the so called "I'm your friend".

"If you're my friend, you would have done this for me"

Lies.

That person is just making full used of you.
If you were my friend, you should also understand me.

I used to think that I should be friends with everyone- good or bad. So that I'm excluded from the Loner's club. I thought that when I'm friends with everyone, and if they like me, then I won't have enemies. I was even more willing to pay an expensive price like getting myself hurt and not them by being Miss Nicey Nice. When I was 10, I took in all the blame when one of my 'friends' betrayed me and got me into trouble with my teacher. The result was that I got humiliated in front of the whole class for more than an hour, and also I got caned by the teacher. In the end, I moved out of that town.
The little girl who thought that if she took in all the humiliation and suffering by herself, get it over and done and pretend like it never happened before would never need to worry about not getting any friends.
Even now, in my group project, no one (except 1 or 2 friends who were with me and was willing to share in) was thankful that some members actually sacrificed to clean up the shit. For my side, this was how they thank:"You did that? It wasn't even you who did that," and "I don't know what am I supposed to do. I wasn't in charge of it,"

Dumbfounded.

You know what?

A friend I knew said this in her blog:

I realized that not everybody loves everybody. That not everybody has everybody's back. That some friends aren't who they seem to be.

I don't need a gadzillion friends. I just need a couple of friends who'd love me as much as I love them.

It seems like the ones on the social status list are Dominators by default. The pretty ones, the smart ones, the rich ones, the popular ones and especially the Talker, the overall Queen who manipulates.
Come to think about it, I'd rather be alone than to be present in your little world.
I do not want to be involved in all your dramas.
I thought that by having friends like you would make my life less miserable. The more the merrier right? But now, I will make my decision. Who I want to be friends with.

Friends who call you when they need you are not friends.
They take. They expect. They don't contribute.

Daddy

God is just so so awesome.

He restores what I've lost. He gives me hope.

He is my strength whenever I feel like giving up.

He corrects me when I do something wrong.

He's slow to anger, but always approaches me with love.

He genuinely shares the secrets of living an abundant life with me.

He teaches and guides me along the path that I'm traveling.

God is my shield. I run to Him when I feel threatened and insecure.

God hears me when I call on His name. He hears the cries of His children.

All who loves Him are His children.

I can't live life on earth without You.

Your favour is always with me.

But often I don't see it and I fall into the enemy's deception.

So many times I've disappointed You and failed You.

But so many times You've come to bring me comfort and tell me that "It's alright, I understand. You're safe with me and I love You very much,"

Your joy is my strength.

I'm safe with my Daddy.

My Daddy knows everything.

He loves me for who I am.

This is for You.

Light light

I love how Alan Menken wrote the lyrics.
So fitting with the scene.
Oh, and he also scored the music.

I want to see the lights too :)

Monday morning

Never expected one my student's parents texted me saying, "You did well to teach Eunice,"
Ahah! *Grins :)

It's waiting

Brooke Fraser's song never gets old.
Keep that patience and guard that heart.
Love is waiting.

:)

Thank you, friend!

I met a friend today. After class, I decided to have a little conversation with him. Never thought that it will be one the most meaningful ones I ever had in my life.

My friend, he's a violinist. Super talented, yet I find him humble and encouraging. He says things that build others up. So I told him what the difficulties that I'm facing. Here are a few things he said that I would like to share:

• Be honest when you play. Whatever feelings that come to you at that time, play it out.
• When you play, remember the little world you're in? Use that and forget about the people around you. That way, you not only express yourself but also overcome the thoughts of people judging you and the stage fright.
• You just said that you're not satisfied with your playing after every song you played. Well, did someone tell you that your playing is not good?
• If the 'someone' you're referring to is you yourself, ask yourself 'why?'
• There's no perfect musicians. If he's perfect, there's no need for him to be better/improvement.
• Don't make gender as an issue if you want to do film scoring. (I did a little research about that and realized that the film scoring industry is dominated by men) It's the music that counts.

Alamak, this friend of mine. I respect his thinking. He also said that when he plays his violin, he's just expressing his love and he's thinking about him talking to God. Much that I learnt from him. I feel proud and honored to be his friend :D

Often, I think the ones who gets inspired most of the time (I have a few friends who are like that) are the coolest people. They're more thoughtful, caring, sincere, genuine, honest, open minded, forgiving, inspiring, encouraging, emotional and loving towards others. People like them will eventually succeed and achieve their goals, I believe, one day. It may not be the same time as the rest, but in their own time, they will. This is because people like them are unique.

I respect yo!
:)

Away

Hmm.. I'm having thoughts about deleting this blog, deactivating my FB acc and Twitter. Every social network sites about the 'Me', except for my email- just to keep in touch with some people.

Feel like being away from the internet pressure for awhile.

Under control

Be grateful. Be thankful.

It's easy to say : Doooooon't worry (smiley).
But really, do not worry when you know that God has everything under control.

Giving

A future which lives only for himself is no future at all.
Live to serve others, encourage and lift each other up.
It is more blessed to give than to get. However, when we Get, we Get to Give.

I love Sunday mornings :)

In the Race

I gota admit. Running on a race requires not only physical strengths but particularly the mental ones too. Without strong mental strength, one will not finish its race because the mind will manipulate the rest of the body to give up.

One of the things in life I've learnt in the book Purpose Driven Life is :
"Do not be envious of the runner in the lane next to you; just focus on finishing your race." Galations 6:4 says that "Do your own work well, and then you will have something to be proud of. But don't compare yourself with others."

Comparing is about what I don't have.

Whenever I feel insecure, that is the time I have to settle my identity in Christ. Only secure people can serve. I fear that I'm not good enough for Him and but now I know that that's a lie! God's gifts are good, we just need to sharpen them. Whatever gifts you have been given can be enlarged and developed through practice. What I have, I gota stretch myself and learn all I can.

Different people have different task to do. So who are we to determine whether he or she is qualified for God or not. The Lord is the Master.
Therefore, mind our own business and finish the task, fulfill our responsibilities, keep our promises, complete our commitments and not leave the job half undone. Wherever field we're put in, there is a purpose for us to be there. Even if it's gota be the smallest service, just play that part.

:)

More than music

I look forward to my Pop and Rock ensemble class. It's my teacher- Mr.Frank. He's so frank that you'll just like him :D

What I'm saying is that, he teaches me/us more than music, of what lies further than just playing well and sounding awezome'. He lectures about the individual, how a musician is supposed to be, the music market, the 'Real' world out there- people and work-  and what causes musicians to play the music. It's not just about making all the money by buying the attention of the crowd with all the thrilling sounds/softwares used but at the end of the day, they are just great sounds without having a real meaning behind the song. Are we pursuing music merely for the money, or are we doing it just because of a really cool cert from a really cool college? He rather hopes that musicians play their music because of what they feel, filled with emotions and thoughts. It's not just a about passion, it's more than a passion. Music impacts and changes lives.

Btw, Mr.Frank was the bassist for the legendary Alleycats band.
;)

Coolies hoho!

Lets do this!

Looking at where I am right now, I'm no longer a little girl who's so carefree to run around without having any responsibilities to worry, a teenager (my time is almost up, reaching the 20' soon) who's comfortable in school, all safe and sound in a what-seem-like-a protected environment.

I'm growing up.

To be woman after God's desires and heart. To face tougher decision makings, tougher environment where it won't be so kind to me anymore (like the dark forest in LOTR?), tougher paths for me to walk through and tougher emotional moments to handle.

I don't think so I'll be able to go through all these in life alone. Nevertheless, I know Someone will. He promised to live in me, with me. And all these will sharpen my character and personality. "You only bring your character to heaven," Rick Warren.

Follow Jesus. Set my heart and affection on things above, follow Him and put my eyes on Jesus. In all circumstances, rejoice in hope! For the joy of the Lord is my strength. Put my hope in Jesus. Never blame others that I didn't follow Him. I should be minding my own business.

Be patient and persevere. Insults will come. But do not run away from my call. Do it with excellence. Let God get the glory.

Hold on to good things. Reject evil. Love sincerely. 

Be steadfast. Pray.

(Ps Raymond Mooi)

Lets do this! God grant me strength.

Last semester

School has started. It has been great- the new stuffs that I'm gonna learn, the course outline, the lecturers and the new improved and organized equipment room (they rolled up the cables so neatly I like!).

But it seems quiet. Maybe it's because I don't see familiar faces around. Or maybe it's just me.
But I do miss some of my friends, in or out of college, we don't go to the same class or what not. Sem 5 has few classes like my previous sem. But this time, it's just... studies and school.

:'/

Such a thing

Lost.

I just want time to stop.

When everything seem to go out of control,
When feelings in me grow numb and cold,
When people do not seem friendly,
And when circumstances become so overwhelming,
Whom do I look to? Where do I cast my eyes unto?

Life in the music line is such a challenge.
Those challenges will only be given to me because my Father in Heaven allows them. He won't allow challenges that are waaay too hard for me to comprehend, to endure.

Demanding-nye!

Teaching little kids can get a little stressful sometimes.

I have to dress up well.

I have to look like a teacher and not 19-year-old dudette.

I have to speak well.

I have to communicate with them the language they prefer.

I have to even communicate with them the language their parents prefer.

I have to keep fit and look healthy, pretty and... slim.

Last week I have some students commented on certain stuffs :

"Teacher, how old are you?" 

-19

"You're so young. Can teach me meh?"

"Wah teacher, you can play the piano also ah?"

-OMG abuden if not why am I teaching you this instrument. Hey kid, seriously...!?

"Teacher, I like you because you're slimmer than my previous teacher,"

I.Am.Speechless.

This generation is so much different than mine. I practiced before I go to class; I don't comment on my teacher's wearing; I don't comment on my teacher's size and age; I make friendly conversation and not thooooose the too straight forward types.

You not only need to ensure the students improve and pass their tests, but you also have to look good.

Teaching these days are way more demanding.

A Friend worth living for

Mom said this :
Friendship is like a train. People get down and get up the train. Some friends will walk away but we can have new friends along the way.

I guess it's really rare to see a good friend to stay in the same train for long.
Friends don't last.
Unless we really care for each other, we will tolerate and accept the other- in happy and crappy times.

It's a sad truth. I always never wanted to believe this. But, friends just don't last.
All except for One. Sometimes it seems difficult for me to understand this loving friendship I have- the one and only one that will last forever- and without this friendship, I would have died.

Because of You, I am alive.
Because of You, I have hope.
Because of You, I learn to be a better person each day.
Because of You, I will be forever sustained by Your love.

Because of You, I will live for You.

You are a friend worth living for. For there is the place I am able to fully trust, commit my plans, dreams, and desires without worrying whether will I get betrayed. Betrayal, is the hardest part for me to forgive.

The best

I believe that when we serve God whole heartedly, He will give us the best.
:)

Kary Jobe _ you are for me (lyrics)

Am playing and singing (just back up, I hope I can :) ) this song in church tomorrow.
I hope I won't cry nose filled with mucus while worshipping on stage hehe.
:)

My love relationship

Am counting all my blessings.

To me, what matters most is to only please Him.
How can I not be contented and grateful enough for all He has done, provided, redeemed and sacrificed for me? How can I sometimes complain about my discontentment?

Am counting all my blessings.

So many good stuffs from Him.
I know that even when I'm at my lowest ebb, or so alone in this world, worried and afraid, He- my Jesus- will look out for me, love me, be my best friend, be with me in my crappy and happy moments, my ups and downs, put up with all my craps and at the end of the day still stand by me and pick me up, protect me from my enemies, remind me, warn me, and oh my goodness, the "look out for me" already means SO MUCH to me.

"Trust in the Lord your God. Do not depend on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all ways and He will make straight your path."

Why turn to others for help when He is the best person to look for? And He has all the best solution. He is 24/7 available for me, for everyone else to contact Him because of what He did on the cross, so that we can have a direct contact connection with Him.

To tell Him all my secrets. To tell Him all my frustrations, worries, fears and feelings I'm going through. To ask Him for help when I don't know what to do and how.

If only everyone knows what a privilege it is to be a friend of God- Jesus.
I too, am trying to constantly remind myself of who He is, what He has done for me, what kind of great love He has for me that my human mind can never understand.

Obedience to Him is so dear and important. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Even partial obedience is disobedience.

If there is one thing that I'm asked to give up, it's never about this relationship I have with Jesus.
It's costly.

I trust Him, I trust in Him, I hope in Him because He never fails. He never stops loving me too.
I'm in love with my Precious!

Best Holiday

I am really refreshed by this holiday.
School is starting soon in about a week more.
I don't have my time table because I didn't pay up some e-learner's fees rm700 per sem just to check a one time result and your time table. I think it's quite ridiculous. Plus, I don't really use the online library.

When school starts, it'll be my final sem in ICOM. Man... time is really precious.
I have almost a year more left in Malaysia- to be with my family, to be with my friends, to learn how to cook :P, to be independent, to learn what God wants me to do in Berklee, to serve in church and to enjoy the Nasi Lemak Laksa Roti Canai Teh Tarik Maggi Goreng Ayam Goreng Berempah Char Kuey Tiaw Ayam Masak Merah Satay Char Siew Pao Kolo Mee Pan Mee Omgeeeeee! Etc etc etc.

Yesh yesh, I'm really gonna miss all these and I haven't left for Berklee yet!

What I like about this holiday?
I auto wake up at 8.30am, sometimes fetch my sis for work. Go out for breakfast with my dad, sometimes eat cakes and bread at home. Read a book and ODJ, spend my QT. Turn on my laptop and keyboard. Transcribe some songs, learn some songs. Check out Berklee's Major, roughly know what major I'm gonna choose but still keeping it in prayers. FB a little, Twit a bit, Blog sometimes. Do some housework- put the clothes into the washing machine, sweep the floor, arrange some stuffs, and wash some cups and plates. Then lunch with bro and mom after they come home from school. Rest and talk. Cook dinner or go out for dinner somewhere nice. Esther comes home and I don't feel like doing anything else but to just taltklktatkltkaltktalkttalk with her :D and then jam. Then go to bed.
If I feel lazy, I'll turn on the TV or watch some movies from my hard disk hehe.

Time ticks away so slowly and I'm lovin' it :)

PS : I hate it when people rush me to wake up, to pick my clothes, when I'm shopping, when I'm working on something, JUST. DO. NOT. rush me okay! I can get kinda mang zang :/

So... what now?
Keyboard time :D

A Family Affair

Today's my cousin's wedding.
I met half of my relatives today.
Will create my first photo album on FB soon woohoo! (Yeahh... first. Hehe. Not really keen in publicizing photos on the webpage)
Why half?
Some having exams, some in overseas, some went for camping trip, some... just somewhere :)

My dad has 14 bruthers and sisters. Some of my cousins are already married, with kids, and some are my cousin's kids have kids! It's complicated.

During the tea ceremony, the uncles and aunties should really wear some tags on them eg. Uncle 1, Uncle 5, Aunty 6, Aunty 7, Uncle 13 etc. We get this problem every time when it comes to CNY, Christmas, Weddings, Birthdays and Gatherings. LOL.

It's a hugee family I grew up with.
Good times we had tonight.
Pictures on FB soon.
Ohhhh yeahh, my 2 nephews and 1 nephew's kid are sim-pa-lee handsome looking boys!
I'm not a huge fan of Koreans boi, but this small fella, you've got to meet him, is one good looking boi :D Pictures sometimes don't describe well. Another one has chubby cheeks and the other has a mixed look which I think when he grows up bigger enough, many girls will go head over heels gagaga over him.

Teehee!
Okie just thought of uploading some here. Too sleepy to upload more.
Nites! Have a good week ahead peeps!

Our table: Garden style Wedding Dinner at The Mines

Dad and Mum

Angeline and I at the Tea Ceremony this morning

Keluarga saya ;)

Teehee!

Emily and Charlie Perform 'Break Again'

Charlie Puth and Emily Luther. Way tha' go! :D

I Love You

This heart is so fragile.
I Love You, more everyday.

Investment

Invest all your love, your time, your focus, your strength, your energy, your effort, and your hope in Jesus alone, and they will all never go to waste, because God is alone perfect. He will take good care of you. He knows how to take care of you.

Even if we think God has disappointed us, God knows best. He has a better plan.
His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts.

Conqueror

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.

:')


I'll be a conqueror this time because God is great in battle.