Searching for Inspiration, taking a step forward

Okay. So here's the deal. I'm going to stop blogging until I'm inspired again by God in my writings and music. May also close down this blog and move on with life. I don't actually know yet what to move on from. It's just this whole weird transition of entering the young adulthood, that I wanna start living like one and leave behind the teenage, high school stuffs in here. This blog has been existed since I was 15 years old in secondary school. Please know that I rarely update my Facebook, closing down my blog, already stopped Twittering and will try to update my Instagram.

Till then, I'm in search of new and fresh words to use, fresh insights about life, music and writings, and also arts, whatever it is. The States is a wonderful place to explore and since I'm here, I'm letting myself go and be free.

Goodbye Live.Laugh.Learn.Love. and everyone:)
If I found a new blog to write and pen down stuffs about my new journey, I'll make sure to post the link here. Keep updated, I hope, all you faithful readers who put up with me all these years. I love you.

Keep me in prayers as I walk with God through this transition in life.

Learning

If there's one thing I would say that it's at fault, it would be myself and not anyone and anywhere else. I am responsible for my spiritual food.

Just wanna say that HIS Church Malaysia is my home, and will always be. Now living in the states, find a new home then.

There was this one point of time of feeling weird and not inspired. That's where have to start getting the feet up again, doing things differently to see different results. Gosh I miss all the insights from pastor and leaders at home.

It's alright. Everything's a learning process. #comfortwords

Relationship with Jesus

Fear doesn't come from God. When there's fear, there's no faith. When there's faith, there's no fear.

Live by faith and not by sight. The eyes are short sighted. Those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but for those who live according to the spirit set their minds on the things of the spirit- which gives life and peace. The desire of the flesh belongs to the world and the richness of the world don't last.

God's plans are better. His ways are not my ways, thoughts not my thoughts. All things work for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose. For this purpose, God has raised us up, that he might show his power in us, and that his name be proclaimed in all the earth. We don't worry about what we can or cannot accomplish, he will make sure his plans are carried out. God is greater than the heart. He is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, all these according to the power at work within us.

Again, trust God with all our hearts. Lean not on our human understanding. In all our ways, we acknowledge God and God will make our paths straight.

Praying should be like breathing. #pastorNickfromCommonChurch

Walking Storybook

Honestly right, when I think of the months ahead of me, I'm scared, because I don't know what is it going to be like. Am I going to stay in Boston? Or move to LA. Should I go back to Malaysia? If so, when and how long? What is there left in Malaysia for me with my film scoring paper? I know the food and people, the Malaysia-LAH language and the 365 sunny weather are the ones I dearly miss. I only left with 3 more semesters and then college life is gone! Just like that. And then what's next? Work. And probably entering the most complicated part of life- relationships with people.
The studying phase will soon past, no more classes, no more lecturers to lecture you anymore. And then we're out there dealing with fierce graduates competing with each other in the industry, making every effort to carve a name out of ourselves, and facing with intimidating (probably nice) bosses too, depending on how we present ourselves to them, whether they would like to hire us or not. And all the other things to think of soon. Good thing it's the film industry for me, otherwise I would have to hire and book a booking agent, get an engineer to produce an EP, book studios all the time for recording, the 3am sessions, build a website (wait a second, I have to build my own website !) and other tools for non-film scoring work.

Anyway, the point is, with my own strength, I can never make it. The right thing to do is to ask God. Well, and times like this he hasn't given me a clue yet because it's not the time for me to know yet. In a relationship, we have to trust. If I can't trust God who is the perfect one, will I ever trust another then? #Learninghowtobeinarelationship
Also, this is my first time traveling on an alienated highway, with a few cars passing by because not many people choose to travel here. This business feels very real, competitive and different because it is uncommon. It is art. Being creative in so many ways is part of being in this field. We become creative when we meet people and connect with them, writing music and, basically we're marketing ourselves out there, our talents and personalities, hoping that the big fish would take notice of us little guppies and land us with a good job that comes with a happy salary. There, I've said it. No graduates would want to be a mediocre after dumping in our parents large sum of USD in this place.

Dad will tell me this : Don't use your own intellect. You smarter than God ah?

I generally want my life to be a walking storybook that inspires many to realize that there is a God to help us out in our lives. Not only just in this part of life, but life after this life, which brings all our toils, struggles and sufferings to an end and live with Him, the Creator in a better place than this world. And see our friends there too! God can help us to pay the bills, manage our time, inspire us to write a wonderful piece of music, have a heart warming, life-changing conversation with a stranger or a friend, inspire, encourage and point them to Jesus that he is so loving, ready to hold us up again when we face with nastiness of life, and so on.

At the end of the day, I just wanna' see how God uses my life as a small town, shy-shy girl to be that influential person in this industry. God wants us to be successful too and He is bigger than the heart. He is bigger than all our fears and dreams. I'm only confident about that one day, just because of who God is, nothing about me. I'm the hands and feet of God's.

Spring Break

First break ever without the need to travel! Pretty happy about it. Managed to catch up some sleep vacation.
Maybe I've missed out going to New York or Maine or the Niagara Falls this time like all my friends where they are right now. Hopefully there'll come a time I'll travel with my friends again and that would be an amazing fun time without having assignments at the back of my head, screaming.

Basically, most of the film scoring majors are that stressed up because our major demands a lot from us (whadid I got myself into, trust God hah!). Now that I know it's normal for us to feel that way. sometimes wanting to just float in air, but the hard work we put in now will eventually pay off. Toil now better than later.

There's plenty of comfort food around. But nothing beats that comfort 'food' from the Bible. The story of Joseph will always be that torchlight for me. So here're some pictures from my Instagram and FB.

We're about to walk on thin ice- it's a pond!

Texas and Korean friends on the way to Haymarket

Boston Common

One of HIS Church members visited Boston.
It was heart warming.

I promised I walked away LOLOL

Champions at JW Marriot

Our dinner was on a friend :)

This Stuff

I wanna' be inspired again. So that I can inspire my friends.

I wanna' have that sense of hope again. At least something to cling on.

Got to do things differently d, before the fire inside of me parishes.

21 already?

Shoot. Is Peter Pan here tonight at my window?

(Probably just the bus)

The days passed by so quickly.

The head is always so saturated with the zillion things to do, that I might have overlooked the beautiful things and people around me. I just wanna' be that better friend to all my friends. Homeworks can really turn me into a jerk for not hanging out with people.

Loose that by quitting this

....that chocolates are not really that helpful.

They are, but only a temporary stress relief and a permanent fat stored in my cheeks and tummy.

So for one to loose those chubby bunny cheeks, one must quit chocolates !

Chubby. Bunnie.

Okk, quit chocolates. No matter how inexpensive they are on sales.

*Went out to get inspiration for work and this is what I got pfft:)

Soundtracks that moved the inside of me

Honestly, Harry Potter's soundtracks are so darn good !
Well done, John Williams ! I've always love your works.

It was the soundtracks who made the movie magical, fun and believable.
Period.
If it wasn't for the music that have enhanced Harry Potter, it may not be as successful as it is.

One of my favorites is the "Reunion of Friends" in Chamber of Secrets. That is one very emotional moment for me. I will cry every time I listen to that, at the age of like 8-9 and even now, 21. It reminds me of the hard times Harry went through together with his friends, and now that he has all his best friends with him at the dining hall, he is one happy kid. That reminds me of all the friends that I had too growing up. We viewed the score in class, personally given by John Williams the composer some time ago, how awesome ! Think about that, when we were kids growing up watching these movies, they made us believed them for some time and when I was pretty engrossed with it, I actually joined a competition to see if I can win tickets for me and my sis to meet Daniel Radcliffe and get the Hogwarts tour, unbelievable! Now that I get to read the scores in class, it was actually the music that worked in me.

There's a project coming up for us to score a short mysterious Library Train to encourage young kids to read. It should be scored lightly something like Harry Potter. JW, you have set the standard high ! Tapao everyone. Love your work, as always.

PS: Yes I'm very aware of the whole movie thing that the christians are against it. The scores for HP are still simply amazing though ! Can learn so much from it. JW has put in lots of feelings when he writes.

Thinking of a cake

Always so busy lah.
Don't know if it's good or not so good.
Butttt, I did my nails today yeayiees !

Sometimes I'm a girly, sometimes I don't have time to be girly.
That's why online shopping did good for people who don't have the time to go in-stores.
I duuu wanna' go in to stores and malls again just like when I was at home.
This is too random. How did it come to this point?

Even the title of this is just out of the place.
That's where my mind is now.
*Teethsmile
In 5 minutes time, gotta' get those projects going again.
#Bootcamp #Godpreservesmysanityforreal

Falling in Love

Finally :)

After agonizing over a semester and nearly two months, I'm falling in love with DP. When I start to know what are his characters like and what he can do, I really like how he connects with everyone, in and out. The late night hours at the lab spending time with you, sometimes at home alone in the room really drives me up the wall a couple of times. But after those time and effort invested learning about you, I'd say, you are amazing !! Now I can do all my work with you besides Logic. Both are great lovers woohh !

No sooner, we'll be the awesome duo :D Mr. Digital Performer 8.05, I think you're pretty cool yourself.

Computers and Internets taking over the world

Before I came here, a man from I don't remember where he was from, but his life has been transformed by Christ, prophesied on me that I will be doing a lot of computer-related work. He didn't even know me. I don't even know where he comes from ! True enough, I am doing a lot of computer-related stuffs. I would very much appreciate if I could go by with just one day without facing the screen. That's why I appreciate reading books more than anything else right now. Facebook and Instagram are just increasing my screen usage. After all, one can not really know a person through facebook and all that social media. At least, not for me. Facebook is just for keeping connected with other musicians who are active on social media. That's why I had to update facebook and own an account. It's tiring to keep updating I HATE TO UPDATE BUT I HAVE TO. Other than that, I'd love to have one on one conversation with people about their lives and updates instead of fishing out information from the internet.

Awesome people out there

Tonight, I just want more friends. I wish I could have known more people so that we can become friends. To meet other inspiring people from different field besides music and arts. I wanna' meet business men and women, doctors, lawyers, politicians, dentists, teachers, accountants and many more to see what are they up to with their lives, how are they using their gifts like me and my musician brothers and sisters in Christ to serve God and how they walk their lives in faith, in love and in sincerity. Right now, I'm in the Berklee bubble. Wonder how can I get out of it sometimes just to have some air.

3 Full-Time semesters back to back. Maybe that's why. No wonder.

Yer... why like that one

Ugh. The art world is sometimes weird. Sorry about the title, wasn't thinking one that fits this. Stuffs that we learn in class can be quite peculiar and odd. I knew days like these would come. And often I'm afraid, because what we take in can very much influence what comes out from us too- in whatever form, writings, paintings, drawings, words, thinkings, etc.

For example, images are very powerful, especially for people like me whose learning language are through vision. The books that we were assigned to read, films that we watch, and pictures that were projected in class (but thank God our scoring projects aren't anywhere near to weirdness yet[for me], for now) will stay and sit on the brain for some time. It's not like there's a choice to pick, because it's part of the syllabus. It's not like learning Biology anymore- straight forwardness about frogs and how their lungs function. Often, arts have to do with the human imaginations and I really do not like how I'm supposed to internalize some of them so that I can do my homework.

Sometimes I doubt at the visions I have whether are they from God or not anymore because I might have mixed them up together somewhere, or not.

No matter how much I filter those images, and set my intentions right when I take them in (all for the sake of homework), I wish that all those artsy studies will go by real quickly. I just wanna' score music for motion pictures !

What's in the inside?

The intentions for doing something is no doubt one of the things in life that can either bring us a step closer to what God has set for us or the other way round- away from the good events He has reserved for us. Intentions of doing something can affect the roads we're traveling on. We have our own choices to choose from- Yes to God (even though I don't know what, where, when, who, and HOW??) or Nope I'm good, I can handle thiz myzelf... heh (and then cry).

What we do, feel, think and say, make sure our intentions are of noble ones, pure, holy (yes), purposeful, honoring and edifying to God and into building His Kingdom. This could be a catalyst for us into moving towards awesome plans of our lives from the creator HImself which He meant good for us to be successful, healthy, having that peace and joy in the midst of craziness going on, grateful, and all of those achievements in life because we are his children. We are not meant to live in a rut as goody-goody, poor and religious Christians because our God is too awesome for that. He's not a God in a box, nor the god who lives in a hut or having a roof over his head. He's an active God, alive one, and real.

Of course, if we ever make a mistake/ a BUNCH of mistakes leftrightcenterupdown because we are limited, but God is greater than the heart. I used to think that it may have slowed things down and the delay of time for me to hit that achievement-woohoo button.

                                  

Wait! Comee backkk !!

BUT (yes there's a but here) God is greater than the heart. He can route the whole thing again. I'm sure he has factored in and taken into consideration of all our mistakes and has mapped the plans out already. I don't know how he works but He works things out beyond my understanding and imagination and I can throw away my papers of strategies. (But I do show him what strategies I come out with, just in case it does click with him and I can feel a little smarter about it. Teehee.)

Actually, timing is one of the factors too. It may not be my time yet to ride on that boat. That boat may not be for me.

Also, intentions also reflects our hearts and who we really are.

That Piece of Chunk

A writer cannot write unless one has the foundation of alphabets, then words, then grammars and sentences, to phrases and to the powerful use of vocabularies and then comes the birth of his writing style.

Same thing goes for the composers- To write a good piece of music, first know the names of the notes, countings, then the grammars which includes intervals, harmony, etc. to sketching out simple melody lines, then a beautiful phrase and adding in the harmonics (also known as chords), and finally creating a whole piece of music that comes from our own.

That's a whole lot of process !
And it takes time !!
It can be long, and some can be short.
Saying this as to produce a good piece.

Berklee is just literally feeding us (non-stop!) the informations and it's for us to digest them as efficiently and effectively as possible. That's a lott to learn, now that I see it. Time management. Veh important. It felt like fishes were falling from the sky into my boat and I really have to get started working to sort em' out.
Hope to have that kind of break from school a little while to actually absorb properly the chunks of knowledge given, according to my learning speed. At the end of it, rushing into this career isn't my goal unless the knowledge has properly absorbed well first. We also need to keep up with the technologies and know how to use them! That's... another thing to keep in mind of. Practicing piano becomes the least focus already, but it's still needed because we're musicians. Oh dear.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Even if it involves the great time pressure. But God is mightier than the time pressure.
Loving this field. Crazy though.

New Stuffs, A Little Intimidating

Everything's new to me for this Spring semester- the recording session, standing on the conducting stage, working with live musicians, the engineers etc.
*Gulps

*Gulps one...more...time.

Take care of me ah God heheh, please.:)
And all the homework, here we go ahhhhhgain ! Woohh, time management is a skill that must be learnt and acquired for all college students.

This sem has tonnes of analysis, scoring, recording and producing. Oggkay, lets...!

That happy person

Sure you've heard that...
Americans eat with fork; 5 cents are bigger than 10 cents (nickel is larger than dime); read the weather in Fahrenheit; write the month first instead of the day in dates; and love good and positive vibe. The last one is the random-est of all. But that's a good practice for everyone. Especially when we are ambassadors for Christ. I'm still learning; nowhere close to perfection.but I do try to be that good positive energy-giver in the midst of all craziness going on. Just so everyone knows, I always try.

Keep ourselves qualified for that race we're running

Jeff Bianchi's sermon from CFCF is pretty similar with that of HIS Church.
After listening to his sermons on podcast, it always encourages me to go on life as an alien here.

Yes, I do hate some things here. But if I'm placed here for a season for a reason, then I should not be complaining, as bad as I want to return home sometimes, or even move out of this city.

For the time being, leave the past. God is doing new things. Pastor Jeff quoted Isaiah 43:19 "Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

I AM- God says.

And he makes rivers in the desert? That's impossible. But He is the I Am.
When fear grips me so tightly, I would want to still trust in God about the future. I don't know the 'new things', but I know the I Am. And the I Am can do the impossible. What seems to be possible to us is something that we can achieve by our own ability. But we want more of God, we want the impossible possible. We want to see God's work in our lives, gasps at it and marvel at Him. We want miracles. We should be living in miracles all the time because our God is a God of miracles and healing, loving and sovereign, strong and powerful. Yes, these words ring the bell like a zillion times. As cliche as it sounds, but this is still the truth about him. He is old but never stale. As old as the hills. Yet, He is also always new and fresh. Old as in, He is faithful to his promises and words for us.

***
When feeling a little lame at our spiritual side, look for sources to elevate our spiritual side, that our lights in the lighthouse not be dimmed. Coming here is a challenge for me to be fed spiritually. At home, there was meat every Sunday. Now that I'm here, I've got to look out for my spiritual health and make an effort to encourage my spirit too, so that we can keep going on encouraging others as well. We don't want to have that lame vibe in us. So always make an effort to be better and keep ourselves qualified for this race.

***
More things to share but I'm hungry and I'm going to cook now.
Ugh. Malaysia. I love you too much that I need to let you go for awhile !!

Nak Balik Tapi Bila ?

When can I have back my Malaysian life?
When can I see my own people again?
How long more is this training taking place?
Thank You for seeing me through this time. But I miss home. With tears I say this.

How strong more can I hold this fort?

It's a temporary emotional rush I get it, will snap out of it soon. Just need some time. Life is kinda like that, just gotta snap out of misery, the faster the better. I'm getting good at that already, but this time I just want more time.

With all the cwrap going on at home, home is still home lah.

Kan?

The Good Break

School is starting this week !! Tuesday!
Back to school, back to packing stuffs and meeting new and fantastic musicians from all over the places!

That spontaneous trip to Connecticut was a gift of having that feeling, HOME. Definitely, it was a good recharged in that less than 2-day thing, it felt like one refreshing moment for me to go on the rest of my stay here. (Pictures are in my Instagram and FB.)

Berklee has this new 160 dorm and it doesn't even look like a dorm ! It's a hotel for students. They even have a PH on the highest floor whattt in the world ??!?

The cafeteria is super canggih with a light wooden stage for students to perform. The hall was (I bet) designed to have that acoustic environment customized for shows to take place. Amahhhzing.

Looking forward to new things this semester. Are you too?
:) I think, this semester is going to be a Round 2, Level 2 in my game. Praying for capacity to increase and expand to absorb and learn more new things. It's a continuity from last year, like a series, the next episode.

Lots of things to do. Plan things with the Big Boss! This is important. Life is interesting- interestingly challenging.

Anticipating

It looks like I'm going on a little back packing trip to Connecticut this week, on a very last minute, spontaneous ones. Guess what?
To see my very inspiring pastors from HIS Church !! Ahhhh so excited :DD

Backpacking ALONE !! The Daphne I knew was a scaredy cat. Nobody believes that I'm gonna do thiz. I myself either, but yes, it's going to be a trip.

Though the pricey tickets, but there's the peace in the heart after purchasing them. And my parents are totally fine with it. What actually amazed me is that they actually gave me the freedom to make my own decision, and always refer me to pray before I do this this this and that. Parents, dear mama and papa I love you I reallyy duuu. Little did I know how all these little little things are affecting and teaching me in a way. Thank You, for doing all of these that help me learn what and how to make the decisions in life. The HS is also very kind and helpful when it comes to this :)

Not so little anymore

You know when you stop asking mom and dad about everything and start to figure things out ourselves. That iz growing up d :D Not so little anymore.

It's also really funny to see how tech savvy moms and dads are these days. More surprisingly fun, they can be better than us kidz. No kid ! LoL.

Gemstones

Sincerity [genuineness] reflects a person. One can tell if a person is really one.
Thankful to have come across some of these people :)
Rare, but precious.

Back to the Cold Place

Few things that actually I myself am amazed at myself. Yez, I'm definitely into politics. Whenever someone talks about it, I see myself jumping into the conversation and tuning into that frequency. Probably it came from my legalistic family and what Malaysia is going through and had gone through. And also from all the camps attended praying for our country. AND I was at it at the GE 13 when it all happened ! So how can I not feel it? Fascinated at how some can manipulate and how some are being manipulated. It's a skill.

Then, I found my favorite spot. After 20 years of life and this is what I was looking for. That special place being high up after a jump on a trampoline, in the middle of the air. That is where I find myself free from everything, knowing that when I get down, there is still something to catch me. That jump, it feels great to be free in the air. Skyzone in Miami had been a moment for me.

On a vacation, I'm definitely going for food, then scenery and things to do on second, then shopping at last.

Also, patience isn't a problem for me. But if it's really on my nerve on something, it ain't going to be pretty. Eheh, justsaying. That'll happen like what, 1 out of 10. And now, I just feel like giving that person a piece of me for real.