Giving Thanks

The word "thankful" can never describe enough really of how thankful, grateful and appreciative I am to the most wonderful One. He who took me by the hand to travel across the great wide oceans, all the way to a cold place called Boston in the United States.

Really? I'm actually living, breathing and surviving here for 6 months alreadyy!

The amount of friends, things and opportunities provided here from God are amazing. It is the quality, less of quantity. He shows me His love day by day through actions, as it is part of the love language I understand. Seeing Him at work- what He has given me, taught me and groomed me is an incredible part/moment of life for me now at this time, that when looking back one day, definitely, will thank Him over and over again. The only thing I'm worried sometimes is the plans that I make, that they might interfere His ones once in a while. And maybe my short-sightedness as well that bothers. 

Still feeling fascinated with all the experiences I have here.

Because of the past, I've always dreamt of meeting sincere and warm friends. And here they are :') God saw my tears and answered my prayers! :') Not only that, coming here alone alivee (yes, the exaggeration) without mama and papa and sister and bro is some major life event ever that happened to me, which is the beginning of that something great that I always believe. In due time. My storybook is slowly filling up by the awesome Author. I want to read yours too !

:D

Wednesday the 27th

On a rainy day, sipping hot chocolate with a cookie, wrapped under a warm blanket, and watching this girly movie on my laptop.

:D

God with his children, wherever they are called to be out in that field, for His kingdom work.

When things get difficult and scary for me in the music industry, and when worries and doubts creep in, this song becomes my encouragement that helps me to remember the big God I serve. It's a strong expression. And if our God is with us, then who can ever stop us. 

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
[x6]

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

For Your sake, I will do it until the very last breath I have on earth. Because I love You so much that I gave up certain things just to follow You, and do what You want me to do. Your plans are better than mine, and they are meant good for me.

Okay, Hillsong Zion was here awhile ago, a few days ago and I missed it, omg they were so near to me in Boston and the tickets were sold out so quickly.

A Million of Things Going on in a Slow Down

It's thanksgiving tomorrow !

This week is a catching-breath one. Totally enjoying the slow down. I even watched a movie yesterday night- City of Ember (my 4th time watching it soo good !). Never practiced for my conducting because of the movie yet voluntarily went up in front of my class with that boldness to conduct. AHHHHH ! Now my teacher wants me to see him in his office hour, wanting to tidy things up and make me a better conductor! :D It's a good news.

A few days before thanksgiving, my mind is already very thankful that I'm in the states for half a year already! Super happy with Boston, Berklee, the friends I have and for the growth I had to where I am now. I am growing, so much, in terms of speaking up more, having my own thoughts, emotionally, and physically (yep, this is undeniable ! Sugar is everywhere in the American food.) Confession, I have Ben&Jerry's and Haagen Daaz almost every night.

The apartment where I'm staying, is clean and nice. Blasting my christian playlist as I was cleaning today. After tidying up, I am so down with a cup of hot chocolate. It feels like home :) My pastor is having an open house, I'll be making deep fried crispy wantons that goes along with his Mr.Turkey tomorrow.

Thank God for the imperfection in His perfection. In my weaknesses, He never leaves me alone to deal with it. He steadies my heart. The Lord also sees the heart and intention in every words, actions and deeds done.

#feelingenlightentoday Plus, it rained today, and the temperature went up. Love love loveeee the weather! That was why I went grocery shopping and had Bulgogi chapchae :D Your love is awesome, comforting and steady. I love love love loveee YOU God so much. I miss home and I don't miss home. Weird ahahah :) It's good to remember the beginning of God involved in our lives, and that why I'm here in the States for some reason that I now figured it out, trusting Him in so many ways, knowing that I'm in the process of doing something great very soon, at the appointed time. So is to all who loves God, all good things work for good for those who loves Him and He has our future secured in His hand.

I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet but
At your Word Lord, I'll receive Your
Faith to walk on oceans deep

And I remember how You found me:
In that very same place
All my failing surely would've drowned me
But You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus you're the reason
I'm kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?

You have said that all the heavens
Sing for joy at one who finds
The way to freedom, truth of Jesus
Bought from death into His life

And I remember how You saw me:
Through the eyes of Your grace
And though the cost was Your beloved for me
Still you made a way!

Again, I will say this

... that I wanna' be home tonight :)

But home is home. I won't be working then. Home is where I rest and eat well; to love and be loved by my family.

Looking at my schedule, I won't be home until God knows when. Even after I've completed my degree in berklee. That's too long to think ahead.

Right now, I just wanna be home... just for awhile.

Oh howww I miss you so badly Kuala Lumpur!

Living in a dream for some time can make a person think of home once in a while.

Again, reminding myself to appreciate what I have and where I am now.

How much is Too Much

This question has been going on for like the longest battle I've ever had inside my head.
When words used and actions made, I always think to myself inside- Are they for being kind and generous? Or am I just a people-pleaser.

Of cause the Bible says that we ought to be kind to one another; if a person slaps your right cheek let him slap your left too; and whatever not verses that we can look them up in the Bible. But how much is too much? To being a goodie goodie (yeah lame) christians or having someone else riding on our kindness and generosity? What is the balance between practicing the Christ-like love and being smart? The Bible also mentioned that we ought to be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves (Matthew 10:16).

Based on my experience with different kinds of people that have come across my life, I'd say, I'm good/I'm done with the number of people that have intersected in each other's paths. I never ask for more in my prayers to meet new people or friends, coz often, I think I might just get injured emotionally. Sometimes I even question myself or God why am I a fragile creature? Or am I just taking everything too personally. But you know what, every person are built/created to have emotions and feelings. That's because we have souls. Even God has feelings. And feelings need to be handled with care. We, in some point of time, need to take care of our own feelings as well. It is essential and necessary for a healthy being.

But then again, put others first ! Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Less of ourselves and all?

Absolutely.

Approach everyone with Christ-like love. Do good, bless them with what we have and with what we can give. In some cases, if prompted or convicted by the Holy Spirit to give something more than we can give, like having that feeling of tearing a part of ourselves and being stretched and challenged so much to give that $10 (for example), by all means, do it. It is God's purpose and plan.

But, there is also a point of time when we figure out that that fella, whom we have been giving generously, he or she has been taking and taking.. especially think to themselves that they actually deserve things from us and sucking the goodness out of us without the heart of actually being nice to us. Then, I personally think that it's time to stop being so (too) nice to that person. When we know that he can afford to have something on his own, then by all means, go get it or do it yourself, suckerr!

So what exactly is a people-pleaser? Having that guilt when I don't do something nice to somebody. Some would define this as, wanting the other person to return his kindness and generosity. Or, we don't want to antagonize a person, so we be the nice nice one. Yeah, in a way. As for me, I'll have that remorseful feeling if I did not give somebody something that I have. What a psychological problem. So I stop being very nice to them, to do someone else's chores, to make extra food for another, to do this, to give that, to share bla bla when I know that the person knows (omg the psycho line 'I know that he knows that she knows that i know' lol) that I just did an unspoken favour or help, and yet you never knew how to be the same kind and generous person back to the one who helped you do stuffs, or you pretended not to know. How unthoughtful and taking for granted on others. Thanks.

So how much is too much?

I'd say, be kind and generous to every person who come across you. Bless them.
But when we started to see what kind of person that is, who likes to suck the goodness out of us, who also think that they deserve stuffs from us and likes to just TAKE, that is the time to know our limits and start taking care of ourselves!

PS: Not that I hate meeting new people, it's just that sometimes having less of these kind of people would mean that I have lesser pain in my butt. By the way, musicians need to connect! That is networking, and that is different. It is business.

And I love my Anchor and Berklee friends. They are the most big hearted people I ever met. They are awesome.

Ma

My mother. Stayed up so late just to Skype with me.

Even though there's the 930am service tomorrow in church.

Sometimes she would wake up super early to prepare food, 

if she's on that week for food ministry.

This was taken like, 4 years ago?? Ahaha school-girl hair cut. But mom looks good here, so it's a nice picture :D

She always pours out words of wisdom and encouragement on me. I can never wanna' ask for a better mom cuz she IS the best. She is my best friend; Esther, Derrick and Daddy too.

Lots of LOVE!

I wanna come homeee for a while!

Two Words

Malaysia

and

HISChurch.

Whom I dearly miss.
And without them, a part of me died.

Boston is a wonderful place. But nothing beats home.
Sometimes, it's the different wavelength that makes things uneasy.
Still searching for that one thing though.

Your Presence is Heaven to Me Israel Houghton *NEW VERSION*

http://www.youtube.com/v/kQAwpMFS_9o?version=3&autohide=1&feature=share&autoplay=1&autohide=1&attribution_tag=4rvk3KfWHfHVXGpxo8FYNg&showinfo=1

"Your Presence Is Heaven"

Who is like You Lord in all the earth
Matchless love and beauty, endless worth
Nothing in this world will satisfy
Jesus You're the cup that won't run dry

Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me

Treasure of my heart and of my soul
In my weakness You are merciful
Redeemer of my past and present wrongs
Holder of my future days to come

Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me

Oh Jesus, oh Jesus
Your presence is Heaven to me
Oh Jesus, oh Jesus
Your presence is Heaven to me

All my days on earth I will await
The moment that I see You face to face
Nothing in this world will satisfy
'Cause Jesus You're the cup that won't run dry
Nothing in this world will satisfy
Jesus You're the cup that won't run dry
Jesus You're the cup that won't run dry

Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me
Your presence is Heaven to me

Oh Jesus, oh Jesus
Your presence is Heaven to me
Oh Jesus, oh Jesus
Your presence is Heaven to me
[repeat]


Every single word... 

is a worship this morning for me. Check ot Israel Houghton's version.

Smart or not smart

In Malaysia, students are being labeled as 'SMART' or 'not so smart' kids, using public tests like UPSR, PMR and SPM examinations as the yardstick. Get as much As as you can. If you can't get straight As, you are not as smart as the ones with a string of As, that is standing right next to you in your class photo. If he can do it, why can't you? Oh, I see, you aren't as diligent as that smarty pants, or, simply you aren't as smart as that person lah !

Smartness does not revolve only in exams. I think it is important too to be clever in how well you are able to communicate with people, be relatable, able to connect with others through conversations, our thinking, lifestyle, and conduct, in actions, words, having that right attitude etc. All in all, able to carry ourselves well when face with people and difficult situation. I think that's what makes a person smart- how he comes out with a good solution and overcomes problem in real life situation, not so much on his studies. But in all things, they are supposed to be balanced as well.

Thankfully, the three of us didn't have problems in our studies. Just recently, my little bro had his chance of proving himself that he is smart enough (I always think that my little bro is smart, sometimes even smarter and wiser than me) to this Malaysian education society. He scored straight As (all 5 of them) in his first major public exam- UPSR. We the family saw how hard he worked day and night, buckling up himself with his malay language (it wasn't easy though that subject, it was tougher in his generation) and saw him cried many times because of the pressure his school teachers exerted on them - that same stupid crap mentality lah that we all the malaysian students get, that is 'if you don't get straight As, you have no bright future'. And that look someone gives you like "Hmm, maybe.. you should also reconsider yourself applying for med schools or not."

Anyway, that boy in blue uniform, is my bro. Derrick.

Alongside with his classmates who got that straight As thing.

(I promise will use a better word the next time, besides 'thing' haha)

He also prayed and asked God that he wanted to be a prefect in school,

so that people would respect him and not mess with him because

of his size. You know, school bullies. Oh the horror.

 But I think his heart is big.

And that's all that matters.

:)

Sincerely, Daphne

Last Sunday, Gretel, my good friend invited me to sleepover at her place.
It was so nice of her to host me.
We had Chinese take outs, watched Christmas movies, one was wayy too cheesy and the other wasn't that bad, helped her with her laundry, and spent the whole night girl talking. We also went to Barnes and Nobles for coffee and had a while of studying. And then she dropped me off at my pastor's place for cell group. Oh, she makes good coffee too! Otto, her husband is blessed to have her. She is blessed to have Otto too. Man, so happy for them ! :D

I can't ask more for a better friend. She is always on the lookout to help people and has taken good care of me since I got here, helped me in my moving, fed me well and omgosh, it was simply just stress-free and fun just hang out with her. Getting out of the berklee beach temporary, assignments and my apartment has recharged me in a way. Very grateful to have a thoughtful and dear friend like her.

Words here used aren't as fancy as a well-written piece of writing. I'm just saying it all from the bottom of my heart.

To my wonderful friend, Gretel !

:)

We're going to Miami end of this year !

Berklee is in my heart... and other short stories

Words used to describe to berklee :

Eventful, memorable, stressful, housing lots of talented people, marinating them with lots and lots of information, churning them out into the industry like a freakin' amazing food processor, a place to sharpen skills (more like BOOT CAMP), and mind-blowing.

Yes, MIND BLOWING.

I can't stress enough how AWESOME BERKLEE is ! In the midst of all that is happening, sometimes still in disbelief to think that I'm actually placed here tonight.

Never regretted to obey God from the very beginning. Actually, He was the one who planned things and made things happened so that I can study in this number one music college in the world, according to the Hollywood reporters.

Sometimes I forget that it was God who can, actually make things happened. I get so caught up with tonnes of planning, doing things my own, taking things in my own hand to feel that I've gotten everything under control, everything's perfect, but then things will never always happen the way I wanted it to be. Then when I realized that I don't have anymore control over them, I felt like I'm off the  tangent. THat's the downside though. And there needs to be some adjustment in this attitude.

I also feel that I have so much musical knowledge and information with me that I need to sit down and have a moment to process them.

It frustrates sometimes not to have all the answers at a time or at one go.
It's like I know all the cliche answers, like, okaayy, this is the time to trust God, have faith, be faithful with my calling and yada yada.
I also know that this point of time in my life is the most crucial part- the building of daphne's career, friendship, working friends, learning what are my working style, and character development especially the toughening-up-myself part- perseverance, endurance whatever names.

I wish I have all the solutions to these maths equations. I want it to be 1+1=10.

Hide

Tonight .. is one cold night.
Winter is on its way.
Pedestrians could see ices appearing on the ground. But the pond has not yet frozen. (Waiting to see if it actually will or will not become a big block of ice ! For one to ice skate on it would be a daring rat. )
Tonight, there are many thoughts to unpack from this little head.
Life, studies, plans, relationships, assignments, friends, FOOD (Y.E.S. in capital), and the best part is that, my 10am class for tomorrow got canceled !
That means, more time to do projects (still not having more time of sleep), and getting other important stuffs done.

Have you ever watched a movie that gets you really into it and totally forgotten about where you are at now?
I did. It ended 5 minutes ago.
Chocolat is the title for the movie.
I grabbed my burger and fries, and then off for a short trip to the world full of chocolates (and religious people in that movie whom it's sad to see them wrapped around, confused and deceived into thinking that, by doing good works then you are saved from God's wrath. Absolutely NOT true. Grace is given freely to all who believes in the name of Jesus. So simple- believe. And the rest is living under God's spirit's guidance, help, and power to overcome challenges in life), where I can hide myself in that fiction for awhile, away from school work and responsibilities.
Emotionally, not too good these days. I hate being pretentious but it's just there, written invisibly on my face. SOmehow, I still got it covered up. Super anti this feeling right now.

Can't wait to be done for this semester !!
It has been such a ride for me. I want a stopover to pull out just for a moment, get what I mean?
It means that, I wanna go back to Malaysia, REST and recharge, and to see my beautiful people again.

When grades speak

Dang man, feeling like a freakin' Asian now.

I bet almost every students have that same grade book report. It's just that I never thought of studying in berklee actually taught me to have my own opinion. Especially in essay writing for The Language of Film fall semester subject and last semester's Scandals and Vandals Art Theft whatever the name is for it, have MADE me write my own point of view, elaborate and justify it.

I no longer hide behind my sister's curtain anymore :) This is one of the best things that I learn here- churning out ideas and what's on my mind, and having my own stand on something. So far so good, my lecturers like my ideas. It's a great valuable learning experience I always thank God for making me do this- coming so far leaving home.

In my school days, all I do is to follow what my teachers said in school, exactly. I'm glad and thankful that I now learn, and to break away from becoming a robot.

Oh, it feels like HOME

On a cold Saturday late afternoon, I just had to make these wonderful little fried wantons !

Mommy, I miss these when you make food for all of us even though you are tired from work.
You have nuuu idea how tough it is to work, cook, clean the house and babysit the family as a mummy !
Ahah ! Now I'm experiencing it. Except for the babysitting. Little Derrick has grown up already. He's turning 13 ! Ahhh ! :D

And then I made waffles for my roomie this week.

She was happy! I'm happy :D

To share food with people.

Especially sharing half, so that I don't get so bulat ! :PP

Food tastes better when we share.

Ooh, I made dim sum too this morning.

But the picture is in my room mate's phone.

With salted egg on the tip of the dim sums.

This morning, I cooked hot chicken noodle soup for breakfast reminded me of daddy who used to cook for  the three hungry children at home.

Ginger, garlic, red onions... they are the best !

Need that one day

There are times when thoughts like "What the heck am I doing here?" come running into my mind.
Seeing some profiles of my accomplished film scoring friends has made me think about what am I going to do with my own journey, the rest of my time in Berklee, and to start planning ahead what's after Berklee.
By God's grace, I will get there- to the place I should be going.

There're so many things I wanna' do in life.
In Berklee, during my summer break and after graduation.
I don't really know what I want yet, but I really know what I don't want.
There're really, so many things I wanna' do in life.

One thing I really know right now, is that I'm happy with film music.
Whenever I listen to any film music, a part of me breaks away and suddenly I realize that I'm totally immersed with the sound and mood of it.
But the process of writing, creating film music and being one of the bests in the market is tough, especially for women to break into the industry dominated by many talented men. The competition is high, just like in any other field and business. It's a giant.

Holiday is coming. Looking forward for the thanksgiving holiday. Not to relax and do nothing. But to chill with God, seek Him, and talk to Him about life. I just need that one day. Who else can understand me better, except for my Creator, regarding all my fears, worries, doubts, and lots of other personal stuffs.
I need that day. This semester has been a hell lot of work, I barely have time to process my thoughts properly, digest informations from classes and immerse myself with film music.
Where did all my time go? It went into getting assignments done. And to distress, I cook.

In two months time, I'll be 21.

Like, entering into the (young) adult zone of real life working world, meeting up with real clients, directors and a whole new bunch of people- both good and sneaky. The pressure would be much much much higher, because we get paid to do something- and that work must be of quality ones.

Time to plan- in dept, in detail. And to listen more carefully about my directions from God.

Tis the season... Soon !

When lecturer starts giving out Christmasy songs, we know tis' the season to be jolly !

:D

And with whole other lots of funk and clav technique exercise sheets !
Yays !
Glad that I took this class. So much of learning and grooving.

Because of their love...

The Skype session with my sister was a little short. But we had a couple of updates.

Eventually, we came to a point where she suddenly started to tell me that all these while, she did not need to work so hard to get things. And I added to her saying that, 'Yeah, because mummy and daddy have been giving us things, and we do not need to work hard to get something,'. Whether something we want or something we need, mummy and daddy are always there to give.

I had the SAME thought as my sister a while ago about myself getting things easily, and that I do not need to work hard. This isn't something to be proud of. In a way, me and my siblings are really fortunate to have parents like mummy and daddy. But now, as we're growing up, we must learn to work (hard) to get something. Mummy and daddy won't be here forever with us. So much of sacrificed made by them because of their love for the three of us. And that they wanted to make things easy for us.

I just wanna be a really good and appreciative daughter to them. My siblings are wonderful people. Mom and dad, thank you for raising the three of us up well. Hope that we didn't give you guys much trouble! Although, yes, I had some rough times with friends in school that you always have to show up in school to defend me. Ahhh, long story ! :P

Pausing a Little While

Tonight, I did not regret since the first day I arrived Boston. Although at times, there were thoughts of "Omgosh, why did I choose to do film scoring?", and all the mistakes made were valuable lessons. From choices done in selecting my classes (which overloaded my brain for this semester), to discovering myself more in this funny-how-I-actually-got-myself-out-wow-so-daring-alone amazing journey. I never had time in secondary school to search myself, what I like what I don't, my strengths and weaknesses, friends and all, because I was busy just studying and get straight As for my exams.

Some mistakes made were used to turn them around into positive ones. Or some, I thought that it was a mistake, it turns out to be a skill for me to master! That is, doing something last minute. This isn't my forte. I plan things in advance. But this will come in handy the next time in my work- when the director wants to change something on the spot, I must be ready to come out with something on the spot, under that kind of pressure, which is time.

Being spontaneous is a skill.

And like what James Newton Howard said today at the session, when thoughts like "why did I choose to do film scoring" pops out, shake those thoughts away. It'll come, from time to time, but he did not regret and can never wanna' do any other job other than writing film music.

See how his music in the Hunger Games when Rue dies in Katniss's arm, that made me teared. And the Land Before Time music done by James Horner, made me cry when I was only a kid! As young as 4 years old! Those kind of music can be powerful to move a person emotionally.

Berklee has given me lots of opportunity, one of them is THIS!

James Newton Howard- a picture I got without having to get special tickets to meet this Hollywood Star.

George Clinton CHAIR for the Film Scoring Department in Berklee

Who also conducted the interview session with James

And James liked my name ! :DD

And so, I will continue with this journey. It will be a huge part of my life. It is becoming one. In the making ;)

Waffles for the hungry people

Early Sunday morning breakfast.

Mom's EXCELLENT recipe ! It works so well!!
PS: The first round decoration was waayy better :P

With hot tea, orange juice, Haagen Dazs Vanilla, Hershey's chocolate syrup, real strawberries, HONEY and definitely lots and lots of butter :D The bananas and pecan were missing though.

And so, I'm enjoying food with some friends over waffles breakfast today!

Yesterday, the craving for Hainanese Chicken rice was so great that I decided to do a spontaneous cook out at my friend's place. It wasn't that bad. It was some serious cooking, didn't see that coming.

Next stop, DIM SUM !

Jajajajjajajaja.