Can I bury my head now?

How is that so, everyone I know (almost everyone) has already gotten things figured out in their lives?
Like, they know what they're passionate of, they know which direction to head to, they know what are their callings and ministries, they know what they're good at, they just seem to know what's going on in their lives.

Most of the time I don't know about everything. Well, maybe I know a little of those stuffs mentioned above. But I don't know whether is it God's will or not, and it takes time to seek Him.

Seeing all my friends and family members being outstanding and achieving in what they do, I became anxious and  frustrated.
That feeling sucks.
I'm happy and proud of them, really I am. But I want it too.
How's mine so slow.. I'm not seeing it.

Was it because I didn't put enough effort in it?
But they seem to succeed things in life so fast, as though it's by chance or favour.
Was it because I was fearful of new things and have missed that opportunity?
Again and again?
...
This, sucks.

Amazing Grace Live in Cape Town/Tokyo

Fourplay playing Amazing Grace hehe!
Vid1: Live in Cape Town
Vid2: Live in Tokyo Jazz Festival.

I love the 2nd one :)

A New Tide Coming

I'm feelin' so excited!
All ready to set things right.
All ready to try new things.
All ready to meet new people.
All ready to practice.
All ready to just... practice!

Singing, violin, piano, drums, composing, writing, film scoring, arranging, performing and practicing (that's all I can think of now).

First, I'm gonna say goodbye to all of my students except for two. I will miss each and everyone of them because we became attached in this 6 months together.
I have to. I gotta explore the other side of music.

The thought of leaving behind a stable pay job scares me to a small island in Luluhama which it doesn't exists. It's an uncalculated risk I'm taking. But, I'm 19 and still tender in age. What is life then without having to take risk and step out of the circle? To see big waves, go to the sea. If I stand by the river, hoping to see big waves, myself sell flowers by the roadside right?
I have the peace to do things like that. Trust. TRUST is a big word, and know that everything is in my Father's good hand. Close ones who know me, know me well enough that I won't risk unless I'm sure. But this time, however, it's a little different. I'm blur but sure.

Better start exploring as much as I can now while I still have the brains and energy.
That is, of course, with Jesus walking with me along the path.
Otherwise, without Him, that path will only lead to destruction and ultimately, death.
Be careful Daphne. Listen closely to the still, small voice. Sharpen your discernment. You wouldn't wanna end up like a fool.

Keyboard awaits me!

Ops, I'm sorry. Really?

When someone has wronged you, how do you know which is your apology language?
-When he/she expresses regrets?
-When he/she is accepting responsibilities?
-When he/she is determine to make restitution?
-When he/she genuinely repents?
-When he/she requested for forgiveness?

Take the quiz: Apology language
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

Wonderful, so wonderful!

Wherever you go, to a good or not so good land, the blessings of God will make you prosper with authority because you know who you are. -Pastor Mario E.

How to choose a good decision?
-Find something that stirs your heart
-Find something you love to do
-Know that God is with you.

It's just like Abraham whom he gave Lot to benefit to choose between the two lands. The good land was taken by Lot and he left Abraham with the not so good land. Ah, shucks. That was what Abraham might be thinking. But he knows, that the blessings of God is with him. He obeyed.

To me, the Blessings of God are:
-His favour to be with you in your work, your ministry.
-He'll provide all that you need.
-He'll even want to bless you with goods so that you can enjoy life after all your hard work.
-He'll multiply.

Once we know who we are and who we are serving, we will never be poor or miserable. We rise up as princes and princesses of heaven, to walk on earth with authority and shame the devil, to be heavenly minded and over come the natural with the supernatural power of God.

The Kingdom of God is so wonderful!

On Time

I see so many of my beautiful female friends, especially the ones with pure hearts- inward beauty- and with character. So much so, they are still single. Why?
They have the looks.
They have the character.
They have the heart for God.
They have the brains.
They have a good sense of humour too!

Where are all the godly men? (Not the religious ones, mind you.)

Guys, fight for us, fight for the ladies. Guard your heart from all evil things. Keep away from what your flesh desires, what your emotions tell you to do, but keep your eyes fixed on JC. Then you'll know what to do.

Meanwhile, my wish and hope to my single girly friends : Don't fret. Don't fuss. Turn all your frowns upside down. There is definitely that one man that is guarding his heart for you because you too are guarding your heart until you're for each other. The Big Boss up there knows and He sees.
He is planning. He's not late, He's only on time.

I can't say of much now.

But I know mine would have a story too to pen down one day.

We Are Family

I was a Sunday Christian. But you taught me to be an everyday Christian.
I was abandoned outside. But you welcome me with open arms.
I lost my family. But you extended your love to me, took me in as yours.
I was hungry, and you gave me milk and food.
I couldn't love, but you show me how through all your lives.
I though that all my hopes have gone down the drain, but you taught me the Kingdom of God to be over comers in Christ, to stand up again and fight, and know my identity in Christ.
I lost my passion for music, but you gave me a place to serve the King again.
All that I was given, my heart is deeply grateful for your kindness, love and hospitality.
Every Sunday, I now look forward to be with all of you because
You are my family- HIS Church. And all the Thursday practices too. Every moment when I'm in the presence of this big family, in that place, I feel at home. But one day, we all will move into a bigger home that will last forever and I know it'll be great because we will be together forever.

Family love one another. Everything you did for us, you gave us the best. You did it all out of love for your children.

I will miss you so much when I leave for Boston.

Lets do this!

I remember Mom said this to me about giving birth: (Giving birth??)

"If everyone can do this, wth, so can I,"

But now, I'm not talking about the distress of giving birth. I'm talking about some other anguish.

"If everyone can do this, wth, so can I,"

Practicee! Even if it takes (such a loooooooo*yawns*oooooong) time to see the results and it hurts the fingers.

"If everyone can do this, wth, so can I,"

El Oh Wee Ee, LOVE!:)

They are 5 love languages to love and being loved by your loved ones :

1. Time
2. Action
3. Gifts
4. Words
5. Touch

Have you found yours?

Blue blue no more

I'm feeling a little blue today.
But a few college friends of mine took time to chat with me, encourage and motivate me.
Thanks!:)

Continue waiting

Giving up is the worst option ever.
Do not do it.
Press on, be patient. Persevere. God is not slow in His promises. He's always on time.

A quitter never finishes and a finisher never quits.
(Gota thank my SMK Seksyen 3 for that words of encouragement on the mural painting wall)

?

Why am I sitting here for?
What am I doing?
Should or shouldn't I be doing something?

Chug-o-choo

Relationships are the toughest ship to navigate. They are difficult and complicated.
One moment the ship is saying to be sailing on calm sea, the next thing you know it's going through a rough, bad weather and the ship is tossed. Whoosh!

Broken, and you know it takes time to repair.

Will I trust them again? Will I see you as the same way I first saw you?

Love, even though I don't like (them).

the Daphne

It took me almost 2 years to finally understand something.
That I be the Daphne God has designed me.
That all I have to depend on is Jesus.

I never felt comfortable to sweet talk the "in" groups so that I can be in it.
Not that I never tried, in some point of life there's the trial and error moment.
I thought that it was the way of life if you want to succeed- connections, friends, to get a job, recognition, promotion, being popular etc.
After all, having people like that really looks cool on a musician. Musicians die die also must have contacts kan? But I do not want to have my contacts by being who I'm not, and to compromise with things that I'm uneasy about and all. It ain't right for me.

But the more I tried, the more stifling I get. At the end of the day, I wasn't myself and it was like I had bind up my own hands and feet, and lived in darkness. What was so beautiful in the eyes of the Lord had been hidden inside by me, just to mask myself because I fear the fear of rejection and having to fail something. This ain't right for me again!
At the end of the day, being 假假 is not what I want, even if it's just one bit of it.

Be unique, be authentic.

Friends of mine, they have really good mouths, and then I started to panic!
I'm not so a good speaker like them, but I do talk when it's necessary. I tried to be like them but it'll just make things funny.

So, I want to just be the Daphne that I'm comfortable with, the Daphne that God is pleased with.
If that person can succeed, I too can. I can because I have Jesus. As long as I remember Him, obey Him, He'll see me through all seasons of my life.
People's comments about myself won't bother me so much. The most important comment comes from my Father in Heaven, and my family whom I trust these people have no intentions to harm me but to help me grow.

Going out now to bring bro and family for Sammy's Adventure2 3D tonight. My treat because I got my gaji today nyeheh. Tata!

Double agent

What goes into your mouth does not make you 'unclean'. It's what comes out of your mouth that makes you unclean.

Water reflects your reflection. The heart reflects who you really are.

I sigh when I see Christians are the biggest hypocrites.

I'm not saying that I'm better than anybody. I'm also not perfect. But I try to live by the Word.

Sometimes, most of the time, claimed Christians can be the worst.

You talk so much like you know everything and you look down on others.

You claim to be one of Jesus's followers, but you don't live like one.

Instead you slander and you gossip.

You never set a good example.

Shame on you.

Enough is enough!

Few things to ponder over.

I am growing up.

I will make my own decisions.

And stand firm with that decision.

I do not want to pretend anymore. 

Just to be in the what seem like a cool gang to hang out with,

Just to please you

and gain your favour.

I thought that by compromising and tolerating with your demands,
Becoming like the way you think, you talk and you behave,

I would finally fit in and be welcomed.

Not anymore.

I was so blinded! The line to differentiate good and bad is not that vague actually. Yet, I acted as if everything is all good. That rope of hope I used to cling on- that bullies and divas somehow will see that little ray of light in their souls and turn towards it- I've released it.

Yep, I've changed. Definitely.

I'm not playing dumb in that game anymore.
Wisdom just walked in through my door.

Enough is enough.

Guess what?

It sucks to be the blur one, always.
It also sucks so bad to be the one taken advantaged of by the so called "I'm your friend".

"If you're my friend, you would have done this for me"

Lies.

That person is just making full used of you.
If you were my friend, you should also understand me.

I used to think that I should be friends with everyone- good or bad. So that I'm excluded from the Loner's club. I thought that when I'm friends with everyone, and if they like me, then I won't have enemies. I was even more willing to pay an expensive price like getting myself hurt and not them by being Miss Nicey Nice. When I was 10, I took in all the blame when one of my 'friends' betrayed me and got me into trouble with my teacher. The result was that I got humiliated in front of the whole class for more than an hour, and also I got caned by the teacher. In the end, I moved out of that town.
The little girl who thought that if she took in all the humiliation and suffering by herself, get it over and done and pretend like it never happened before would never need to worry about not getting any friends.
Even now, in my group project, no one (except 1 or 2 friends who were with me and was willing to share in) was thankful that some members actually sacrificed to clean up the shit. For my side, this was how they thank:"You did that? It wasn't even you who did that," and "I don't know what am I supposed to do. I wasn't in charge of it,"

Dumbfounded.

You know what?

A friend I knew said this in her blog:

I realized that not everybody loves everybody. That not everybody has everybody's back. That some friends aren't who they seem to be.

I don't need a gadzillion friends. I just need a couple of friends who'd love me as much as I love them.

It seems like the ones on the social status list are Dominators by default. The pretty ones, the smart ones, the rich ones, the popular ones and especially the Talker, the overall Queen who manipulates.
Come to think about it, I'd rather be alone than to be present in your little world.
I do not want to be involved in all your dramas.
I thought that by having friends like you would make my life less miserable. The more the merrier right? But now, I will make my decision. Who I want to be friends with.

Friends who call you when they need you are not friends.
They take. They expect. They don't contribute.

Daddy

God is just so so awesome.

He restores what I've lost. He gives me hope.

He is my strength whenever I feel like giving up.

He corrects me when I do something wrong.

He's slow to anger, but always approaches me with love.

He genuinely shares the secrets of living an abundant life with me.

He teaches and guides me along the path that I'm traveling.

God is my shield. I run to Him when I feel threatened and insecure.

God hears me when I call on His name. He hears the cries of His children.

All who loves Him are His children.

I can't live life on earth without You.

Your favour is always with me.

But often I don't see it and I fall into the enemy's deception.

So many times I've disappointed You and failed You.

But so many times You've come to bring me comfort and tell me that "It's alright, I understand. You're safe with me and I love You very much,"

Your joy is my strength.

I'm safe with my Daddy.

My Daddy knows everything.

He loves me for who I am.

This is for You.

Light light

I love how Alan Menken wrote the lyrics.
So fitting with the scene.
Oh, and he also scored the music.

I want to see the lights too :)

Monday morning

Never expected one my student's parents texted me saying, "You did well to teach Eunice,"
Ahah! *Grins :)

It's waiting

Brooke Fraser's song never gets old.
Keep that patience and guard that heart.
Love is waiting.

:)

Thank you, friend!

I met a friend today. After class, I decided to have a little conversation with him. Never thought that it will be one the most meaningful ones I ever had in my life.

My friend, he's a violinist. Super talented, yet I find him humble and encouraging. He says things that build others up. So I told him what the difficulties that I'm facing. Here are a few things he said that I would like to share:

• Be honest when you play. Whatever feelings that come to you at that time, play it out.
• When you play, remember the little world you're in? Use that and forget about the people around you. That way, you not only express yourself but also overcome the thoughts of people judging you and the stage fright.
• You just said that you're not satisfied with your playing after every song you played. Well, did someone tell you that your playing is not good?
• If the 'someone' you're referring to is you yourself, ask yourself 'why?'
• There's no perfect musicians. If he's perfect, there's no need for him to be better/improvement.
• Don't make gender as an issue if you want to do film scoring. (I did a little research about that and realized that the film scoring industry is dominated by men) It's the music that counts.

Alamak, this friend of mine. I respect his thinking. He also said that when he plays his violin, he's just expressing his love and he's thinking about him talking to God. Much that I learnt from him. I feel proud and honored to be his friend :D

Often, I think the ones who gets inspired most of the time (I have a few friends who are like that) are the coolest people. They're more thoughtful, caring, sincere, genuine, honest, open minded, forgiving, inspiring, encouraging, emotional and loving towards others. People like them will eventually succeed and achieve their goals, I believe, one day. It may not be the same time as the rest, but in their own time, they will. This is because people like them are unique.

I respect yo!
:)

Away

Hmm.. I'm having thoughts about deleting this blog, deactivating my FB acc and Twitter. Every social network sites about the 'Me', except for my email- just to keep in touch with some people.

Feel like being away from the internet pressure for awhile.