Desires

Violin? Viola? Or Cello?? Lessons... not sure which ones to pick up. Or should I just continue to drum around. Aiya...

I just remembered something, I need a keyboard too and I haven't made up my mind which one to purchase, more like what functions I need.

And I'm taking the price into consideration too.

It looks really impossible to me to have what I desire, but by faith and prayer He'll provide if it's not harmful for me to have them.

Heart defrosted

My heart has gone through the defrosting process. I finally could tell this to myself. It took a very long time for it to happen. Patient and Endurance were required, but Trust was needed more- the Trust on God to deliver me, restore and renew spiritually.

My heart has gone through the defrosting process. This I know, for my prayer life came back and I could freely and naturally worship Him again in church.

So many things have happened in these two years of my life- so big the changes that impacted me and my family. Through tears and joy, God was with us and He is, even right now. I know.

I cried so much, so hard. So many times I wanted answers from God. He just left me with His Peace. The two years incident traumatized me. No one cared for us. But God did. He has eyes and ears and records everything down in His book. He was gracious, faithful and good to my family. We'll start all over again. It doesn't matter. He is the Most High God we serve. Who else do we need to fear of in this world? No one can come against us as long as God is with us.

It was good to know that God picked me up again and is guiding me back to the path He designed for me.

I agree with "I admit it's so hard and consistent and discipline...Lord, help me please." from Esther's blogpost. "There are times when we find it easy to obey His Word because we feel its truth deep in our hearts. But there are also times when we must choose obedience to its truths, whether we feel like it or not." an article from today's Solid Ground, OurDailyJourney, Regina Franklin.

Please keep defrosting my heart until it gets warm and is flamed up with fire even brighter than the last ones for You.

How hard it is

I shouldn't try so hard in everything that I do.

But what if I don't try hard enough and start to slack without knowing it?

It's too scary. I rather not take the risk.

But sometimes creativity and good production come from NOT trying too hard. (I'm not talking only about music, in general I mean.)

I don't know where's the limit of how hard is too hard.

It's a thin line for me.

Gaaah.

I need to rebuke and get rid of this spirit of perfectionist in me before it gets worst.

Teach and learn

Teaching is fun! If you know what you're teaching. If you don't, you might just confuse the learners.

I just realized that if I want to teach someone, I need to have a system/order/steps when I'm conveying and telling them stuffs that I know. Also, for them to understand best, I need to strategize my teaching that suits them best in learning- by sight, hearing, writing down notes, mind mapping, creating pictures and sound etc.

I was teaching Derrick how to write and remember essays (in BM hwa hwa). Most of the times, Maths too. I like Maths. Chinese school really taught and drilled me Maths like mad for 6 years!

I guess we have to be creative when comes to teaching. Better start training myself for years to come so that I can teach music in a fun way :)

So I learn to teach and teach to learn. Heh.

Early mornings

If I can wake up early in the morning...

as early as 3am to study, mug, and memorize my exam notes,

as early as 5am to catch a movie on tv and (only recently) some Korean drama series on KBS

and

as early as who knows what time to... pee,

then

I should be able to do the same too when it comes to praying for Malaysia!

6am Saturday.

May God rule and reign and bring justice to Malaysia.

That someone

There'll come a time for singles to ponder and wonder about who we'll be loving and marrying someone someday.

I guess the time has not come for me yet, and will never be until the day God smiles and whispers to me, "Go for him!", my heart delights in it, and the green light from my mum and dad. Then I'll know.

It's simple.

I hope.

Sometimes we are asked to wait. But this we know- God's never late!

Till now, purity and guarding my heart.

So so much more to learn.

First gig

I had an interesting and a wonderful experience working as a lounge pianist for 2 days. Actually it's a 1 month job. This week's day 1 was nervous; day 2 was a little more laid back.

The employees were really friendly. They'll go 'sawadica' when they see you or just HI! I had my fuhree meal and drink. Being a pianist to set the mood of a place is important. I cannot be in my own world. I had to feel the mood and feelings of the crowd. There was a teenager who came up to me and complimented my playing. I was really thankful to her and had a nice short talk with her. Apparently, she had one of the same books with me ;) I guess a little encouragement did helped and made a difference in me later on.

Ohhh, did I mention that in the 18 years of my life, the toughest song I ever played and tried playing it over and over again without any mistake IS the happy birthday song. Boiyyyy... simplest tune... and yet I still hesitate in every notes and chords. The guests requested this scary song on my both days of work! Bolehhh tahan lah :D Just follow the flow. Just do it. Nike!

Whatever that I'm doing or wherever am I each day, I thank God for His protection and favour in me. It is also a time for me to test myself and see what God has in mind for me- serving people with music, teaching, writing songs, performing or to work in a studio/company, travel and minister to people with music etc. I don't know yet. Just taking one day at a time, slowly discovering His plan for me :)

It's nice to always wake up with a smile every morning, knowing that God is in control of my music career.

Good week comes from prayers

I had a good week starting from Thursday :D

Thursday : Was practicing in the afternoon. Went and watched the 9.30pm Monte Carlo with Adeline, Darynn and suuuuuurprisingly Darren too! It's a chick flick movie by the way heh heh. Had a greattt time laughing and waaaah-ing at the movie. Reached home at 12.am with a terrible flu as a result of not having enough sleep. Dad prayed with Adeline and me for a good night sleep, and for God to heal my horrible flu.

Friday : Woke up at 6.30am. Flu was completely gone! Time to go for driving test! Sleepy... A bus picked me up from William's at 8.15am. Reached Broga Hill/Nottingham campus then Megah Wangsa to sit for my test. One of the red shirt helpers asked me : xiao mei! shui bu xing a? (Little girl, you haven't woke up ah?) Giving him a blank look, I said yes yes yes yes, I'm very blur now. My clutch had some minor problem, and I drove in senget to the 3 point turn, closed my eyes and told God : pls pls pls don't let me knock the pole again when I reverse. Done! I passed :)

I ended my test at 10.30am. Read a book while waiting for the others to finish. It was already 3.30pm and I became agitated and impatient. What if I didn't reach home on time for work? What if I didn't have enough sleep? While waiting for William to get in the bus, I prayed again: God, please bring William in NOW to the bus because... *screech* the bus door flung opened and William appeared. "OKAY lets goooooo!". That... was reallyyy fast, God! Thank you!! Oh, I almost forgotten something important. 1 minute before I started my test, I texted mom to pray. She was in school. Immediately she got up from her seat, gave homework to her students and dashed out (yeah!) from the classroom and spoke in tongue in prayers for me. I had supports from her prayers too. Love you loads, mum!

Reached home at 5pm. Hungrily ate roti pisang as my late lunch. Then got ready for my first work in Bangsar Shopping Centre- my first job as a lounge pianist! This too, was my prayer to God to open doors of opportunities for me to do different things as a musician. It was a miracle that one of the seniors from ICOM called me up for the job offered. Really nice person. Nervous and tensed up. But I think I did well for my first time, my fingers and feelings were frozen in the first few songs, after awhile I managed to be myself :) Performing or playing in a crowd whatever is it is not really my forte. But it was a good exposure/experience :)

Saturday : I had a goooood sleep! Woke up at 9.20am with a smile. Plan to watch Transformers later, maybe tomorrow after church :D I still have to work tonight lah.

Teehee!

School's starting soon, can't wait! Excited for my next sem (3) :) What else more can it be than to be excited? It's a music school. Okay, quiet time right now :D

Buhbye.