Pondering

Looking back, I'm really thankful and grateful for what I've gone through, what kind of decision that I've chose to make that have brought me to where I am now and what I'm doing now. I proudly say that He was with me in those times.

I started liking and enjoying this course that I'm doing (oh yeah FINALLY!). Feeling terrible and troubled in my first year as a music student, I've always wanted to quit because it was tough for me. But now, in the second year, I've realized that if it wasn't about the tough times, I wouldn't have improved myself or grown up to another level of maturity in terms of musicality, personality, spiritually, thinking etc. and yes, definitely physically too :P Food is good!

I actually kinda like the hard part of learning as a pianist. Never knew that I have this enthusiasm in me recently.

Ah wells, just felt like saying that God is always GOOD and throughout the seasons of my life, I learn and understand more about Him, His character, the way He works and a little of His thoughts (I'll never completely know what He's thinking). For I know that when He got me in into this music industry, for sure He has a plan for me, a plan to prosper but not to harm me, a plan to give me hope and a future.

He knows what He's doing. I'm just following :)

This heart of mine

Let not this heart of mine wander away too far from You.

Let not this heart of mine get distracted by the things of this world.

But, let this heart of mine listen and be obedient towards what You say,

and let this heart of mine LOVE You always.

The Balancing Pair

I'm really blest to have such wonderful parents.

I'm saying this not because of the whole Valentine's day yesterday or what hehe :P

I appreciate them for being my parents and for raising up 3 kids and sticking up for each other through thick and thin.

It's my dad. Whenever I have a situation to solve, I'll always go up to him and catch him to sit down and talk with me, before he goes off praying or to work or to watch Warta Berita (I call it "water bitter" when I was a kid until now @.@ because it sounded like it when daddy said Warta Berita in a fast manner. Sigh, the product of a child's upbringing in an English-speaking family hehe).

There's one that came up today. I was thinking of whether to join tribute this semester. I think it would be really fun- I get to learn new stuffs, stress together with the team, laugh and go nuts with the Icom bunch of musicians, stay up late to practices, eat Chicken Chop Chicken Rice for dinner, be part of the cool team etc. But I have a scholarship audition coming up, my LYPG (Local Youth Prayer Gathering, a prayer movement for the nation) commitment, my weekly accountability group Skype prayer meeting, church worship team commitment, and a whole bunch of stuffs to improve like, my techniques and improvisation. I still have to figure out and make some time to learn how to use a Kronos. But then again, tribute is only until April, it'll be done really soon and I can have my time back. But if I join tribute, I will struggle with time management and exams and all the commitments and the stuffs that I need to do.

Both are actually good and beneficial to me. But I know that I have to choose what is better for me. I don't like to put too many "food" on my "plate", I might just "throw up" everything and all will be ruined.

So daddy is always here to help me and to discuss and ask me questions so that I'll have a clearer mind to handle a situation like that. Those questions and views he gave have deepen my analysis. I like how he helps me to see and balance up my intuition, thinking and judging skills. I learnt a lot every time I hear from him, his views and reasons, besides all the Bible knowledge He has and that we will sit up late talking about the big God above and life, he also taught me practical steps, thinking and reasoning and being realistic.

He also told me that he wants to hear all my problems and to guide me and figure things out together. I guess he really love being a father :) This also reminds me of the big Father in heaven who is eager to hear from us.

Mom was in school for extra curriculum. She's the best too I would say. I love her cooking and the time spent with her whether it was just a short ride in the car or shopping or hanging the clothes together. She taught me mostly about relationships with people and the emotional issues :)

So I have this awesome balancing pair, mom and dad, to guide me in handling real-life matter and how to rise up from all these and look to God always.

Sometimes it's really funny to know that they never burden us (me, Esther and Derrick) with the stress of life eg. excelling in our education, be good kids etc. and it was the other way round. I think some times we push ourselves a little too hard. We stress our own selves. Farnieeeey!

:]

A thought to think

Dad called me up to water the plants this morning.

As I was watering the flowers, suddenly, something just dawn on me.

I realized that I was so busy watering the plant, thinking so much on how to provide the maximum amount of water and to be able to distribute the water evenly to all the plants.

But I totally forgotten to enjoy the beauty of the colourful flowers!

I looked up in the mac dictionary for the word "Enjoy" :

Enjoyverb1 he enjoys playing the piano: like, love, be fond of, be entertained by, take pleasure in, be keen on, delight in, appreciate, relish, revel in, adore,lap up, savor, luxuriate in, bask in; informal get a kick out of, get athrill out of, dig.ANTONYMS dislike, hate.
It's the same when I do music. How on earth do I enjoy it when sometimes the feeling of getting the music right became so overwhelming and I forgot to enjoy the music?

Wisdom

... I want more! :D

From You above.

To be able to handle people and to solve problems wisely.

To know how to take care of myself too :D

I began to appreciate the gifting in me and my personality.

There's more room of improvement to be done :)

He is Faithful, Just and Good!

Truly I say, about this week, that God has shown me His super grace, big love, mighty power, Him as a Deliverer, Redeemer and a Restorer :)

Friday :

He really helped me in my Friday Performance. Although I made some (actually there were a lot of them, major ones) mistakes along the process of preparing my song, He was gracious enough to help me fix things in the very last minutes. I was already on a dead-end, desperate and devastated of how messed up things were to me, but He managed my song and my band members really well. I never thought that I can have the strength to go on because I'm always a good starter, but I have trouble finishing it up. And this, definitely, it was all about His super grace.

Saturday :

Weekly LYPG meeting. I realized how much I really love and appreciate my new accountability group members my friends. We pray and encourage one another through Skype meetings and our weekly LYPG meetings. I've found a place with its members, having being concern and caring for the nation and wanting to be intercessors for Malaysia. It's really exciting to be part of it and having friends to walk together with me in this journey, knowing that I'm not alone. I really thank God for this accountability group :) Looking forward for March where we'll be having some berbonding-bonding time together. I'm really thankful and grateful for the new accountability friends and church friends ( more explanation below ) that He has given them to me, after years of praying for friends like them :)

Sunday :

Church, Friends and Worship Retreat. I really feel comfortable with this church and its friends. For the past 8 months of attending His Church, I really grew a lot in my spiritual state and character building and was healed from all my hurts and disappointment with people. After church, me and my sister went for a Worship Retreat which was held in the Crowne Plaza Hotel, KL, and it was His Church's first worship retreat. We were both really blest by Pastor Raymond's message and the fei-lo-ship, and felt really privileged to have attended it :) As I was having my afternoon siesta in the hotel room, I couldn't help it but to just smile at myself and at Him for what He is doing for me, and my family. I lost the church, its friends, the worship ministry that I was in and my passion for music for the past 1 and a 1/2 years ago, but He redeemed and restored all of these to me and my family with even better ones! God always gives His children the better things, look at Job! :)

There is a time for everything. I even wonder why didn't He just let us join His Church from the very beginning and had to go through first the few years of hurts in church planting, church splittings and friendship breakups. There is a time for everything :) It was a training ground for me in those past 7 years before He wants to take me up, now, to a higher level of being a Worshipper and a Worship Leader. He has delivered us from the past. Looking back, I'm actually really glad for what had happened, and also now, to know that I'm growing again. Things happened for a reason.

Finally, after years of searching for my identity, He has spoken to me about my identity in the late January. Of which, I have already journaled it down personally. I no longer am a confused Christian and will never want to be a cold or a lukewarm worshipper.

I am now learning how to live and walk by faith in everything that I do, feel, think and say.

:)

It has been a rocketing year for me of learning and understanding the purpose of being a passer-by on this Earth and experiencing Him ever since I came back from Minggu Doa!

I'd say, mind-blowing.