Sulk no more

Looks like God has already prepared me for this outcome. I'm so thankful that I wasn't involved in any of it. I won't want to be a ding dong like you.

God knows best who is it and when is the moment going to take place. Everything I need is You (Jesus!), my beginning and my forever.

I know lah I'm writing something that some of you don't get it :P but for you who already knew it, please keep me in your prayers :)

Sulk no more, suck it up! I'm totally fine :) I just need to depend on God for everything.

Overwhelmed!

okookokokokokkkkkkk! I have something exciting to write today :D

I was disturbed since last week. Restless, I would say. My shoulders were stiff, I was tired, and my church's invited pastor prayed for me. Yes, he prayed for healing for my stiff shoulders, good blood circulation, spirit of heaviness and fatigue to leave me. But I didn't tell him about my restlessness. Yet, he prayed that I need to cast all my anxiety to God and let Him take care of them because I alone cannot do it by my own strength.

***

Lying down on my bed that night, preparing to sleep, I prayed. I wasn't in a praying mood because I was still restless. My mind kept playing back events from school, my past and reminding me of things not done yet- all these nonsense made me restless. And then, God's peace just fell upon me! My heartbeat rate went down, I could feel warmth on my cheek. God just touched my heart.

***

In the train on my way back home today, tired. I laid my head against the wall and then "Pop!". God touched my heart again. "I want you to depend on me." The truth is, besides unsettled schoolworks and applying new techniques onto my piano, I was somewhat worried about relationship stuffs. What if I was too proud? What if my expectations are too high? What if I just missed out the right guy God has planned for me because of my ego? Or because I was too shy or too scared to get involved in a relationship? What if I 'price drop' too much? (Sorry, google translate gave me a VERY direct translation of 'tarik harga' hehe.)

"I want you to depend on me!"

God's answer gave me a clear guidance. I remembered praying to Him "God, if this is not the right person for me, please take away the feelings from each other, because I don't want to waste my time, effort and energy, or ride on an emotional roller-coster, and please let me know whether the outcome is godly in Your eyes." Also, I was put to test too that if I'm involved in the like-you cycle, I tend to depend on that person more than God. That's why God didn't want me to depend on that guy for spiritual growth, instead depend on God for that.

I guessed I'm just hungry and thirsty for God. After the church-spliting incident and the whole starting-out-a-new-church process, I was traumatized. Sometimes I just feel so fed up! Lots of effort needed to be put in to rebuild a church and yeah the devil is not gonna stop working messing things up.

First His peace, then His gentle instruction. I'm grateful and overwhelmed that God still cares and speaks to me just the very right timing even when I became neutral in my walk with Him. Well yeah, I boldly say that my God is real and He is in control of everything. Ok practice time, bye!

He's With Me

My college is just too happening. Once you've missed one day of it, you missed out 1/4 of your life as an ICOM student. Sometimes the happening events could be just so shocking, emo, frightening, disappointing, breath-taking ones, angry, blur, worrying, relationship-in-and-outs, half-hanging stories, wondering stories etc.

And sometimes I'm just too caught up in the middle of this wilderness, got distracted and lacked focus. But there is always a very special and dear Friend by my side. When I feel lonely, He's there to accompany me; When I feel like bursting into tears, He's there to make things go alright; When I feel pathetic and not good enough, He's there to lift up my hopes and confidence; When I'm overjoyed about something and took no notice of Him, He's still there smiling at me. He is there no matter what's happening, and will always be with me.

It's funny to have a 102% loyal friend with me, even when I know that I can't give such commitment to Him. But I pray everyday that I'll learn what is it like to love and respect Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and spirit.

Forever God is faithful, forever God is strong, forever God is with us, forever...

Aha! Something to say

I had a relaxing week this week, and enjoyed my school's (ICOM) tribute to Disney! They were fantastic :) Brought along my two good secondary friends to watch tribute in KLPAC and we had a good time. It felt like we were in secondary school, again :D

College was in pin-drop silent mode, spooky. But everything's gonna get back to normal, tomorrow! That means, I'll have to change to gear 3 to start my assignments and practice, practice, practice and final EXAMS! hwa hwa...

God, this is where I'm going to draw strength and wisdom again from You :) Ohhh and thank You for this good and slow week, though I missed my friends loads because they had to practice for tribute.

Sem 2 is coming to an end soon~ No more MT010 MIDI hee hee! *cheeky look*

Surprise!

Every driving lesson surprised me.

Friday: I drove around Bandar Kinrara (my second lesson)

Sunday (Today): I drove from Puchong to Kelana Jaya!! Highways, big lorries and buses, big T junctions, and appeared-from-nowhere-motorcyclists @.@

Driving is niceee ;)

It also reminds me of Spongebob's boating school :P

Just seriously dislike the part where my driving instructor smoked tonnes of cigarette buds that damaged hundreds of my alveoli and two lungs :S

Oh well, but he's a nice patient man, reminds me of my grandfather- smokes, 4 ekor and drives at 30-40 speed. No one's perfect. Now I'm missing my dear grandfather :)

Glue!

I'm gonna' glue myself to the piano starting from... this weekend!! Arghh, so much to catch up! :)

A Mother's Love

Mom just threw me an awesome steamboat party to celebrate my straight As SPM results.

Thank you mom for your cooking, preparation, strength, effort and LOVE!

I love you so much and I appreciate you loads <3

Mom has taught me the value of love. I grew up with her love- preparing breakfast before school, took time to coach me story telling during primary school days,my home-made-with-much-love January birthday cakes, birthday square pizzas back in Mentakab, be my listening ear to ALL stuffs that I'm facing in life, knows my favourite food, never gives me stress on my studies, buys me stuffs when she sees stuffs that reminds her of me, supportive mom and corrects me when I'm wrong.

Most of the time, I see myself as my mom in the next 10 years! I like mom's detailed, thoughtful and neat personality. I looked like my dad, but character wise I'm alot like her, an exact photocopy of mom. That includes me being a light-sleeper just like her! And, we can't sing in tune but have all the notes right in our heads, we just can't deliver the notes perfectly :D

I'm super blessed to have a mom like her.

This is for you, Mommy Wee!

:D

(she looks kinda serious in the picture :P we were in Bangkok, but she's the cool, jolly, friendly and humorous type of mom teehee!)

Oh and, she even baked Esther a birthday cupcake last year on Skype hehe! Because of mom, I learn to be thoughtful and appreciative towards my family and friends :)

I've found you!!

... Cissy Crackers! Nyek nyek!

After 4 months of searching for this crackers, it really cracked me! I couldn't find it in Tesco, Giant, Cold Storage, Carrefour, Jusco, air-conditional malls, cold places, etc. Finally, I've found it in a pasar malam :D

Cheap and nice!

But the manufacturer changed the cartoon, and the crackers have tiny holes and initials C.H.E.E.S.E. It was thicker the last time too. Hmm...

But, I thank God for remembering my prayer I made : "Lord, I want my cissy crackers..." and HERE YOU ARE!

I gobbled a packet of it on the way home just now before I could snap a full picture teehee!

Cissy Crackers = Me and Esther's childhood favourite crackers. (nope, actually, it's her favourite crackers, I like it because it reminds me of her :) hehe)

Good times!

First of all, I miss this! SMK Seksyen 3 Bandar Kinrara's DRAMA team. I went back to school for results and heard from juniors (which is now the seniors in school :P) that things are not the same anymore. Ah well, I know that feeling. Years past and team members changed, newbies and drama-actors-actress wannabe will be recruited. Mood changed. Different characters. But only one who did not change- Pn. Suneeta! :D The teacher-behind-the-scenes, whom she gave loads of encouragement to everyone. I've been in the team since 2006-2010 hee hee. Definitely stressful but with lots of funny, frustrating, embarrassing, emotional whatever moments you name it. Lots of wonderful memories in that good 5 years. Hey, I cherish my friends well :)

Aha! Caitlen, me like! Talented girl.

2008 drama- airplane crashed, ugly truths revealed story. This was the MOST memorable year : my face reacted to that make-up chemical, rashes eww...

2009 drama- family crisis with twisted plot story, incredible! We won for state level.

And the finale, I miss these models-wannabe. The one on the left, doesn't even know how to pose~ nyek nyek!

<3

To Esther my sister, Angel and Doreen my church buddies where we grew up together, hugs and tiong!

Need some rest

I'm so very tired. My legs are sore. Physically and mentally, I'm drained. I've been practicing a lot in school, classes after classes then non-stop practices. But I'm happy after tomorrow! My Friday Performance for Sem2 is gonna be over! Trust me, I prefer to do back stage stuffs :P not so much of a crowd-attention seeker. I wake up at 7am, come home at 9.30pm. This is thrice the stress of secondary school life! Friends have been asking me to stay in the Heritage. Nah! Broken lifts/elevators scare my soul.

After tomorrow... no rest yet. Start doing my assignments, go for Dawn prayer in church, youth prayer lead this Sunday and I haven't had time to seek God on how to lead, meet my Sek 3 school friends, start PS practice on Monday, ICA 2 coming up gota start studying and pass my driving test!

When can I rest properly?? I've been having my auto leg-cramps during my sleep. Guessed I walked too much! God, I need some rest! Please? However, I still find joy in doing whatever that I'm doing now :)

PTL

I always write this PTL initial at the back of my EVERY test papers since Standard 1.

PTL : Praise The Lord.

It's a small way to show my appreciation to Him and to acknowledge Him. Without Him, I wouldn't be able to do well for my test.

Whatever results they are, I believe that it was Him who have helped me achieved marks higher than I have expected. And I'm very thankful for His grace and elephant memory to study. So yeah, this is for You!! Thank You for Your another wonderful blessing in my SPM results : a string of As

PTL!

<3

Patience

I'm writing it in an informal way, just a thought :

I always look up to the seniors in my school, whom they are simply awesome pianists or multi-taskers. Some are really talented yet humble. Feeling so curious, I wonder how did they manage to pick up quickly and apply anything that they have studied into their playings. I think to myself, when will I be like one of them? It takes seasons to be well groomed in our own field. At times, I feel so lost do not know how to improve myself by applying contemporary harmony into my playing, or whatever it needs to do so. Blues and modes for example, and I don't know how and what to practice :S Gaaah, I'm such a bookworm, give me anything to study I can 'digest' and then 'vomit' them out and that's not so a good thing. Music is a subjective course. That's why, I need You Lord so much to so help me in providing me wisdom, skills and PATIENCE throughout my practice time and classes in school.

I'm feeling much intimidated by them even if they tell me that I'm good which I think I'm not :')

* For Esther, my dear sister if you're reading this, my quiet time is fine and don't worry about me. I think I'm spending most of my quiet time on the train :) I think it's pretty cool haha. Month of June come quickly so that I can see you! <3

Ask and you shall receive

Another day of school life:

Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it will be given to you. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you.

I never thought that my simple yet detailed prayer I made during my walk to school this morning could carry much weight and impact on me today. That was because I asked God for a fruitful day- a day where I could learn good techniques to be a better pianist and where I have to come out from my comfort zone. Faith as small as a mustard seed still counts!

• I reached school, couldn't get myself a piano room :S Finally bumped into Li Ching at the RIGHT time and borrowed her room (again :P). As I was practicing Isaac's exam piece, my "master" came in to put his guitar stuffs. I bet he couldn't get a room too nyahaha! The next thing I knew he was teaching me how to do solo. "Since you're my "slave", I should be teaching you stuffs too hehe..." I was "sold" to Aleif as "slave" in a student counsel meeting.

• At 2pm, I went in for my PI class. Mr. Wee Lern, my piano teacher taught me something I always wanted to learn! Walking-base and improvisation. In half an hour's time, I managed to receive his brilliant interesting documents as much as I can into my cerebrum. And yesh yesh, I did asked him questions too and got the answers from him.

• When I walked out from my PI classroom, Jun had to tell me the bad news- English class is cancelled! Whaaaaat?? I came all the way from Puchong and took the "Eleven Bus" (my two legs, " I I " ) just to attend a 1/2 hour PI class for today? The moment I stepped out the room, I saw Li Ching again but with Kevin. He was so kind enough to share with us on jazz and blues improvisation and practice techniques, for almost an hour! And, good thing I managed to ask him about my FP piece which he gave some interesting ideas about it. Ahh, and later I got to tour Setapak town with Anna, Joanne and Li Ching. Toooooo bad Ramly burger near Wangsa Maju was not opened :( gaaah, another time... another time :D

So yeah, this is another one of my fruitful days. God knows my needs and have already gone ahead of time to arrange all my life events properly, with detailed. I like detailed work. And He knows best too not to allow me in participating tribute to Disney. I can't cope with it because I have other responsibilities to take up ;)

I'll Be There, Daphne!

Being in the hospital for an hour really got me into much thinking. I saw doctors and nurses and the white team, together they worked hard to treat patients. I struggled, again. My ego jumped out of the box. I was reminded about how close I was to study medicine. Since I'm such a bookworm and considered having the 'kiasu' syndrome, I thought I could make it in the medical field. The desire to study again chemistry and biology was overwhelming. Ironically, what am I doing with music? Was it the right thing to pursue my passion? My talent? My calling? My ministry? Doctors healed patients and some even ministered to them too!

The next thing I knew, I was sitting in my uncle's car on the way home. Still battling with the medicine-music thingy. The radio was switched on but my mind wasn't in tune to it. Then, my attention was captured on a beautiful petite rainbow (no kidding, it was really small out of nowhere hanging on the sky! ) that symbolized God's promise {to Abraham that He will not flood the earth again}. In a split second my mind was in tuned to the music on aired - The Jackson 5's chorus, I'll Be There.

I'll be there, I'll be there, wherever you need me, I'll be there,

I'll be there I'l be there, just call my name, I'll be there.

Immediately, I was filled with God's peace. I was enlighten! Delighted! Though I didn't bring my struggles to Him, afraid that He would get fed up with me (which obviously He won't, my mind was playing tricks on me), God still loves and cares for me and talks to me in ways I never expected. I teared.

You're being short-sighted. Look beyond and put your hopes in Me. Be patient, and I'll groom you.

I need You! I'll call Your name! Thank You for being there for me! <3

My cousie and me

This is Adeline Wee. We grew up together. She knows a lot about me and my friends (sometimes it's scary jeng jeng jeng jeng :P). Come to think about it, she's like my second elder sister. We almost talk about everything under the sun, the moon and the stars. Ahh well, we are still finding time to go shopping, maybe tomorrow, maybe not, maybe the next time, maybe later laa :D She buys me clothes and teaches me about "how to put your make-up" and some hair techniques which I'm pretty noob about it. Basically, I'm just a very simple girl, who also won't dye my hair even if I have thousands of white-grey hair at the age of who knows. Weeeee! Right now, she's here with me once again, crashed in my room, enjoying each other's company. I don't have time to scan our baby and pre-teen photos (once upon a time when I was a tom boy and she, the lovely dovey friendly kid). Us being girls, here are some pictures :P

Adeline (left) the smart one who also scored 4 flats for her STPM I'm so proud of her!

<3

Okay, I'm feeling sleepy now *yawns*. But before I sleep, I'm gonna hit some keys on the piano. Will be trying out some Blues~ and Modes learnt in a clinic today teehee!

I think Contemporary Jazz music is awesome, got the hang of it now, and learning it. Hopefully by December, I can jazz up some Christmas songs and my sister is going to sing!

Nyek nyek :D

Read till Sleep

I just feel like reading the Bible until I fall asleep.

People pleaser

I'm battling with myself every time I make a decision. To say YES or NO does affect friendships, surrounding and me. So I decided to always sacrifice my own self, time, effort, sleep, strength, health and studies and try my best to compromise with them. Then again, I felt that I was cheated and have been taken advantaged by others. Selfish. Not everyone is a friend. Disappointed. Worst, the many sacrifices done are not being appreciated.

It seems so difficult for me to be in this position :'( How do I become smart to decline people in a nice way? Or do I just need to be firm with myself. Maybe I'm just too nice to everyone. But I can't afford to hurt their feelings. So the best way is to just stifle up myself? To swallow down the pressuring gas alone? Just to prevent further arguments and the emotional pushing-and-shoving here and there? I'm very sure God doesn't want that to happen. That's why He gave each of us wisdom, discernment and a choice to make.

Why is it so hard to say NO?

I should really start to think for myself and not do everyone a favour or to take in all of their feelings. Then again, this requires some wisdom.

I'm feeling overwhelmed and overloaded.

A Moment of Silence

He loved photography.

He used to snap and wash out individual pretty pictures of us in church, then gave it to each of us.

He washed two pictures of me taken from him during our Korea evangelism trip. Still keeping them.

He reminded me of a good, loving, and faithful husband.

He always come to church faithfully with aunty Yap.

He waited for his beloved wife to finish her choir practice session in church.

He supported the church choir group and was the only one who clapped for us during practice.

He was 81 years old but deep down in him, there was still a youthful spirit in him.

He sat like a youth macho-boy style during service.

He always had that bright smile that made everyone smiled when we see him.

He used to buy char-siew-pau and nasi lemak after Saturday dawn prayer.

He used to have a cup of tea in church and sat down having breakfast with us.

May you rest in peace Uncle Yap. Will see you again in Heaven one day.

:)

Wondering

I'm missing praise and worship session in youth!

:')

Cheer up

Music school is not that easy! Generally, nothing is easy in life.

How I'm missing the 'easier' life of a SPM student.

I get so nervous when I perform. I get even more nervous when the air-con is on full blast and my fingers got frozen. I think I'm stressing myself too much preparing for my Friday Performance, Performance Studies, Private Instructor 1 exam pieces, scales and arpeggio, my friendsss' PI 1 class songsss and Contemporary Harmony. gaaah! Scary.

Okay, here's a good way to distress. Tom and Jerry's pianist always play good music. Nice blending in. One of the good reasons why I so want to do film scoring woohoo :D

Below : Both songs from Tom and Jerry, if you remembered. Derrick is still watching it, so I got familiarized with the songs :)

Extra : The brazilian pianist below played really well! Go check him out in... you know which tube :) Tico-tico is a good song too. Feels weird to see him ALWAYS jump onto his seat before playing.

Need an answer from You

What has Jazz playing got to do with my ministry in future?

I was just wondering...

Searching answers from God.

Need an answer from You.

Blue scales in B flat major key is so annoying.

surprise!

I was kinda disappointed on Thursday last week. But I still thank God for not giving me the green light to be in Disney tribute :D As I was sulking over the disappointment that I faced, tired, energy drenched from the everyday-LRT-travelling routine, I received a phone call from my friend, Alex. I was supposed to meet him at 5pm but it was already 6.25pm. Then he drove over to my house. I peered outside the compound of my house and saw a pretty girl in the front seat. Caitlen?? (his sister) Nah, it was...

Faith! *Who is she??*

She's one of my besties in secondary school, everyday called each other and had long chat over the phone about stuffs (nyek nyek), one of the blues-also known as PREFECTS, likes to design cards bookmarks and always made something out of nothing, we sang and played piano together in school and home, we tongue-twist when speaking Bahasa Melayu and freaked out during BM Lisan, moved to home schooling at the age of

14 or 15, missed her loads since then. I can't pen everything down here in this blog, but yeah she's still my good friend :D

So the two surprised me on that cheerful evening! Technically, it was Alex who wanted to surprise both of us, but Faith found out soon that she'll be seeing me. "Better surprise one than none"- Alex hahaha. *clicks the 'like' button on the happy three old friends photo above*

Me looking all messed up from that picture above, I don't care :P As long as we looked happy in the photo, everything's picture purfecto :D

PS : My very own cousin, Stanley Wee thought that the left-most girl who tied her hair up was Angel Ooh @.@

***

We looked alike seriously??

You are God alone!

*please put the music on when you read this nyeheh :) *

We had youth fellowship today again. I really miss it so much after a long time of distress in church- it was a painful yet needed-to-be-done split.

Darynn led us in worship and Angel led us in the activities. Today, it was about remembering God's blessings and to remember Him in all the good times and bad. Deuteronomy 8:1-20 teaches us to remember the Lord Your God. For me, we start small again and God will see us through the seasons and He will definitely multiply His people here. I pray that His assurance and encouragement will always uplift His sheep here. Snapping photos in our handphone, eg. the park, the electricity, the hands to play the piano, the cross Jesus is in our heart, the friends, the mamak, the Ramly burger stall etc. reminds us that God is with us everywhere we are, His blessings and doings.

We had prayers in pairs/groups, sharing about the "How are you now lah?" topic and I really really cherish these times of praying together :'(

I tell myself, I'll not dwell in the past, good ol' times and look forward to God's kingdom. *wipes tears away* And I do miss my friends over the other side- Doreen, Vivian, Grace and Gyn Fei.



You are not a God
Created by human hands
You are not a God
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a God
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that's just the way it is

[chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You're the only God
Whose power none can contend
You're the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
You're the only God
Who's worthy of everything we can give
You are God
And that's just the way it is

[chorus]

[bridge]
Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

Rain or shine

Firstly, I didn't know that Semester 2 is so stressful and hectic in school. Besides the good companions in school, the theory and amount of homeworks and preparations needed to be done are... indescribable.

I have like upcoming performance in March to do which I'm like only a beginner :'( and the school is having a tribute for every semester, this semester will be a tribute to Disney! Really hope that I have the time for audition, like next Monday gaah! And my Contemporary Harmony class left me half hanging where I wasn't familiar AT ALL with the jazz chords! How do you expect me a classically trained pianist to listen and determine dominant 7 sus or the minor maj 7 or minor 7 flat 5 chords immediately in class?! *faints* but I like the cool chords though teehee. AND I totally freaked out during MIDI music Technology class because they are so...so... technical -.- pfft. Ear training was fun, I love the tapping but definitely not so much on the singing, still trying hehe :D

I guessed I need to pour in double effort to fit in to this jazz contemporary music school. "Alah bisa tegal biasa". Also, the blue scales are pretty fun and interesting to learn too. My piano teacher drafted me some jazz chord progressions which I have to get familiarized with them as soon as possible, or else I'll be left behind. In conclusion, school is fun and it can get stressful too.

***

Rain or Shine, God is with me. I was walking to school today. Just me, the sunlight and my shadow. Perfect! Well close to. Then I remembered a Sunday school song taught by Uncle Sai Kee back in Mentakab, Pahang :

Walking with Jesus

Walking everyday, walking all the way

Walking with Jesus

Walking with Jesus alone.

Walking in the sunlight

Walking in the shadow

Walking everyday

Walking all the way

(x2)

When I remember that He died for me

To the world that I'll never return-ur-ur

When I remember that He died for me

To the world that I'll never return

No, no, no no no to the world that I'll never return (x2)

Ah yes, walking in the sunlight, shadow, everyday, all the way, my dear Jesus is watching after me. Feeling so loved by Him, I'm a very happy kid. When I was about to walk home carrying my MIDI keyboard, the sky poured down heavy droplets of rain (not in pouring sheet yet), pricking the delicate skins of humans. Oh no... I quickly pray that God You please please please hold the rain until I reach my train station. It's a 15-20 minutes walk. The moment I reached the platform, standing behind the yellow line, the rain came down in pouring sheet! Waow, I was really thankful. I wasn't lucky, I was well taken care of by God today, yesterday, tomorrow and forever :)

<3

Again, rain or shine, God is always with me! Teehee!

Just another day

I passed! Nah, not my driving test hee. No not yet. I passed Sem 1 and got in to Sem 2! The best part was my good friend Jo Yee will be in the same Sem with me whee! Plus, my 2 other good friends, Jun and Joanne who took a different course will be in the same Sem too. OKay okie, so generally the J trio that I've met (including me, four) in day 1, became BFFs :D

Dr. Sergio, one of the lecturers from Spain, who holds a phD in Music, marked our Theory test. Friendly teacher, I hope. God blessed me with a 100 in Theory and 85 in English. I'm one happy kid :) Also, only 9/56 students were placed in Sem 2. God is good to me and my family. Saved up time and money.

We had ice breaking today, the talk-about-yourself part was bit nervous for me. Another best part was, my group won for the treasure hunt, surprisingly, and we got a T-shirt each teehee! Credits to the boys who were the walking brains. And I'm officially an ICOM student cause' I got my student ID today. Finally a student card in my life, can go and watch movies in cheaper rate nyek nyek!

Feeling blue

That whole grading system for exams and credits, scared me out today in school. I have to maintain a very high GPA and CGPA because of Berklee's standard. Just hoping that God would sostenuto (sustained, in English) me and me not sospirando (sighing) with the high competitive musicians in school. Tomorrow will be my placement test results- either I got in to Semester 1 or 2, the better ones would be in Sem 2, and I definitely need to be in Sem 2 but God, it's so up to You to where You're going to place me in.

Gaaah! I felt extremely disappointed with myself today! I should have stood up for God when teacher asked "who plays gospel songs?" Ughhh! It was like something has been holding back my hands from raising it high up. Was it pride? Was it my shy timid self confidence? I never felt so tiny before for this whole stand up for Jesus thing. Then he went on with "Oh so none is religiousss (sort of like poking fun) here right?" I was pissed man! With myself more. I should have raised my hand. I really should have done it.

I'm feeling very crappy right now.

:'(




I'm sorry for letting You down today. The whole song made me cry especially the ending part.

College

... was fun! We had a whole week of auditions, tests, orientation, and making new friends. It was pweety awesome today :)

In the morning, I couldn't eat my bread with scramble eggs gaah. I had butterflies in my stomach, even that night before Monday too :( . That was frustrating. I felt like it was my first day going to kindergarden- Remembering the good ol' days where I held daddy's neck so tightly that I wouldn't let him leave me ALONE in the kindergarden for work. During normal schooling days, I'd be the happiest person to wallop two pieces of bread at home tadaa!

Anyway, my new friends were good people, these people were super talented in their field. I met a drummer who played fantastic cool beats, jammed with another incredible hand-swifting guy pianist. The rest of us (people like me nyek nyek!) could only carry on with the waahs and oohs for them being spontaneous. My first friend was an adult music teacher. Pretty interesting huh? She wanted to try out something new- business in music. One senior (also a geng guy pianist) came to greet us and made us felt like home in ICOM.Mostly there were foreigners- Taipei, Iran, Indonesia, Myanmar, Slovakia or Slovenia wherever they came from and lots of others more. Met mostly pianist, drummer and vocalist, haven't got a chance to meet some guitarist, violinist etc. yet.

The travelling part was a little horrifying. My backside was aching when I came home for dinner. I've never walked for so long and so fast before! (besides shopping hehe)

I guessed day two tomorrow wouldn't be that terrifying cause' we're TEST FREE! (for now). Hope to meet and talk more with new friends I didn't get a chance to do so today. I'm a shy shy person teehee! :p

mUSic

I was just relax to spend my Quiet Time after bathing. I sat there, talking to God, remembering His concern to my family and my prayers to Him.

1) I want to know You more (since young I knew Him, but I'm sure there are more of His interesting traits for me to know Him deeper)

2) I want to commit my life to You again(few days ago I recommit myself to God in prayers)

Hoping that He is pleased with me now with what I am, I told God that I'm not perfect. I thought that if God speaks to me today, about anything, I'd be thrill! So I kept quiet but after some time nothing happened. I guessed my five senses won't work and I need to have more faith in Him. I even got carried away to dig my ears with a cotton bud. Somehow I need to be more focus and discipline.

Later, I returned to my praying mode. I opened my eyes. Disbelief, the word "music" on my stinky yellow bolster caught my eyes! There were many other words such as house, lovely company, let's play balloons (huh? hahaha), honey, cute cute (yer...), pineapple juice and etc. "Music" was catchy. It has two letters that captured my attention- "US" , reminding me about God and me. He will walk me through my whole music career / ministry / life. Another assurance from God that I chose the right path. I battled with myself few days ago, doubted about the whole music choice. Now that He has assured me enough, no more doubts Daphne! Just continue to obey Him and He will make straight my path. I want to keep myself close to Him.

Think mUSic, think US ! :)

New hobby

I have this new hobby I just discovered like, 5 minutes ago *flashes teeth*

Angel was the first to hear about it.

It's another hobby for me besides playing the piano, called - Playing The Hymnals On The Piano hobby! Tadaa! =D Yes yes, it's still related to piano, friends.

It was pwetty amazing to modify the hymnals to something called soothing and contemporary hymnals. Also, I still remain the Baroque style but added some flavours of mine.

Can't wait to get the Apple Macbook (yala yala... she's so action =p) from school to have a good recording quality and then I'll just upload it on Blog/Youtube.

Whee~ I'm feeling happy! And I bought a good pair of shoes-meant-for-walking to school hee!

:)

Quote of the week

Hold on to God, you gain everything; hold on to everything EXCEPT God, you lose everything.

by Pastor Vincent Lau

Month of December

Hello. These are the days that I don't have anything to blog about. But I would still like to update some things over here. Ain't want any cobwebs to appear in this blog, and of coarse the moving pairs of eyes that received information she-never-update-again-lah! , sending it to the cerebrum. I must have been missing my Biology quite awhile :)


Never heard any news from my dearest sister travelling across Germany and their neighbouring countries right now. Praying that the airport are not shutting down because of the heavy storm. Also, I had to dig up my dusty music sight-reading and scale books hidden in a box beside my piano for placement test in 3rd of January. Started to study some theory basics too which I had some time to retrace my memory from yesteryear's of learning music theory.


Christmas is also just around the corner. I had my last caroling with my bunch of wacky church clan. Sunday one was the most tiring. From 1.30pm right up to 12am. Pheew, good thing our throat survived. One thing that pinched at the corner of my heart was that this autism boy who sat in the midst of other children caught my attention. He smiled from ear to ear when he got a present from the church caroling team as if he just struck a jackpot! I wondered how many times do these kids get presents in their entire lifetime and counted myself as one blessed kid. See him in the white shirt looking at the camera? Christmas is a time to love.

Then below are some caroling photos from Angel's camera. Presenting... Angel and me! Above :

Fatigue syndrome children nyek nyek =D

I was one of the yellow tamborini girls.

Carollers went to Assunta Hospital

And to some church member's house

Managed to squeeze in some picture time while singing tsk tsk tsk =p

I love my church fryens!

Note : All the guys are busy filling their stomach gahaha!

more videos

Check this out too, cool PVC as instrument :D He even played Pirates and Gaga's song and others, super farnie la...
And nigahiga for the second youtube.
Credits to Esther my sister for telling me.
Guess I'm too free to scroll youtube whee! :D

Inspired

Jon Schmidt is awesome! Now I recalled who is he from the second song Pachelbel Meets U2 Alex Foo sent to me. He's super skillful man. I'm also very inspired from Jon Schmidt's friend to pick up cello after seeing how beautiful he played nyek nyek! Lots of love to these songs!
(Thought I've heard of these songs many times, just found out that they are from the same guy, talk about me being blur yes, now I would just like to share them with you :D )

Also, he did the first song for his seven-year-old daughter because she loved the song she heard in the car with her daddy...so sweet!

Enjoy these three soothing songs! The last song is more of a I-Want-To-Play-Like-Him type hehe.

Post-spm days and choices to make

Post-spm days are supposed to be relaxing... that was what I thought. I was wrong. My days became more hectic than usual. Having a due date by 24th Dec for my application to ICOM is indeed another stressful thing. I had to say no to my friend's birthday party. I had to practice 3 different genre of songs (i.e. jazz, classical, contemporary) everything by Wednesday!! *faints*

Angel Ooh, my good friend is going to help me out with the recordings. She has been a great help to me ever since I started off with the Bangkit project, she was the one who encouraged me to NEVER give up and never made me feel suckie too :) If you're reading this, thank you and I really appreciate all that you have done for me whee~ *winks* Looks like our hang out became more often- movies, band practices and meetings nyek nyek!

Getting myself in to ICOM and to study music was an important calling from God. I had to do an audition of 3 different genre of songs and haven't been touching classical and jazz for some time, but God has been great for picking the 3 best songs for me. He will see me through my season. People might have been telling me that a career in music won't help much in future, but only God knows what the future will lie ahead and that I could do some help for His kingdom. My parents finally agreed to let me pursue my music in the Berklee Transfer Programne (BTP), God must be the one who had spoken to them especially mom who hopes for the best in me to be a dentist. By doing His will, He will make the impossible to be possible. I've thought of 2/12 majors when I'll be in Berklee-

i) Contemporary writing and production

ii) Film scoring

These two will involve me in the music/film/movie industry, basically the entertainment field which I'm pretty excited about it.
Lets just hope that I won't change my mind about it. The other 10 majors sounds interesting too! Gaah, will choose one of them later :D

Despite all the rush and my class will begin in January 3 next year, I'm still blur but sure that this is the right course for me. I'm growing up, no more spoon fed by teachers in school. I have to make wise decisions and seek God more often. The mistakes that I made, I have learnt. In whatever my choices are, I will still praise the Lord for helping me to decide carefully. Did I mention, I'm also a detailed self cautious well organized neat-freak perfectionist? Gaah, it's a gift, and not-so-much of a gift sometimes!

I'm feeling under the sky right now :)

Dec 9

Yahoo! That three-letter word ain't in my dictionary anymore whee :) Actually I don't quite feel the excitement yet, my sensory receptors are somehow slow in processing information. Only maybe later I'll get the feel of excitement. No more schools and no more science and maths books.

I was waken up by Yuha's phone call (my good friend)- A news she told me that got my receptors quick to respond! "Daphne, your NS site will be in Semenyih," and there goes my holiday. What entered to my cerebrum was that I'm-going-to-NS! information pfft. Ah, but the others news was I got into the first batch and there's loads of holidays for us. Then again, I can't get to do what I've planned to do. This is soooo irritating like a flea nesting on the skin! Oh well
, I shall put it aside because today's my precious sister's birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAE ESTHER!!

I don't have the new photos in this comp nyahaha :D

This wonderful sister I have here is one of my biggest inspiration

Cut the part where she bullied me (teehee) when I was an innocent little girl (still am an innocent one)

She was the one who encouraged me to play the piano for church

When I suck in it, she never made me feel sucks about it :D

And of coarse the good times when she does a prayer session with her siblings

and tells stories as if she is a story book

Can't celebrate with you again this year.

Will skype with you later and...

I miss you! <3

Blue to Pink

My blue days are coming to end soon... on Wednesday! And the pweetie pink days will come when I get to get out from school! Okay okay, the truth is I don't have any ideas to write something new now. Sorry peeps. But what I'm really excited is I'll be going to this MADWORLD- A contemporary stage show featuring dance choreography, drama and music, a joint production between DUMC and SIBKL. I shall bring my drama clan (including my drama teacher) to watch this stage play!! I'm friggin in love with stage plays, musical, drama and yesh yesh musical and drama! It's gonna be a fun and fruitful night.

"What does it profit a man who gains the whole world but loses his very soul?"

Chip's Challenge!

Tossing and turning in my bed, my mind wandered far away to the good ol' times I always had in Mentakab. I grew up and spent my 10 years of life in that Pahang small town, but loaded with memories- pleasant and the not-so-pleasant ones. Slowly, my mind painted a picture of a game I once used to play. Only the old fashion people like me will know what this game was all about.

I found it hard to remember the name! Fire, boy in blue suit, swimming, keys and chips? What's that friggin' name of THAT GAME?! CHIP'S CHALLENGE!! So I downloaded the 2D game- the oldest version of game I ever played hahaha I'm laughing at myself. Only a few of my good WEE cousins- Darren, Darynn, Simon, Angeline, Adeline and Stanley and of coarse my dearest sista will know how this game had made us gone crazy solving the levels! By the way, I still remember ALL the techniques to win.

PS : I'm still trying to find the 2D Lucas Art Indiana Jones where he whips the spiders and snakes, and get bananas and tequila from Lola (the girl we always bully) lols.

What risk?

First, running a temperature during exam was so so not what I had in mind. Watery mucus dripping all over, irritation in the throat and cracked voice box?? Gaah, I thought it was bad. Why not getting fever for trials instead of the real REAL spm... But, it was a good thing though. I couldn't study hard for Sejarah paper on Wednesday night, I couldn't afford to rely on the more-than-ten-messages Sejarah tips my good friends had sent to me, one of it "SOALAN BOCOR DARI JOHOR". So I chucked my hand phone aside, prayed hard and risked myself for nightmare the next day.

I thought I took a big risk to trust God and not the tips. Actually, the real risk was trusting on the tips and not God.

When I sat for the paper, none of them matched the tips and I leap for joy because I trusted Him :) all the last minute memorising what I thought was important came out for SPM whee! God is great, all the time! Maybe if I weren't sick, I would have trusted the tips and not God, and that will be the biggest risk.

Table up-side-down

I had to blog today! Sorry peeps, looks like the last letter ain't the last one this time teehee.

Craving for the best juiciest Ramlee burger, I decided to drive to Sek 4 Pasar Malam on this Tuesday night. Nope, mom drove technically, I only wanted the burger and I made her drove hehe. Ramlee burger coated with damp bread caused by water vapour, inside patty (yes, 90% chemicals and and only 10% meat) wrapped with telur and BBQ konon sauce was what I really had in mind!

Spotted one pak cik in the middle of the hectic night market life. With one vision in my heart- to aim for that burger- I targeted him. Grumpy was his name. Anyway, who cares as long as I got what I wanted. Along the way, I bought the all-time favourite ayam goreng (KFC pirated recipe), kebab ayam, bananas, some roti I cannot remember the name and some kuih white in colour which I also cannot remember the name nyahaha :)

Disappointment sipped into me slowly. As I unwrapped my precious burger and bit my first bite, I began to comfort myself. "It's okay... okay... It's ggo..goood..." Not at all! Tasteless eggs and patty with diluted sauce plus not a single BBQ sauce was so so so not ideal! My kebab was cold and flat -.- Worst, my ayam goreng tasted funny after I made it hot in Aspen. It was a mixture of croissant scent this morning I made. My bad. Gaah, that freaked me out! What had happened to all my favourite food in pasar malam?? No more unhealthy dinner for the rest of my... teenage years (not life!) *winks*

A Letter to you

Dear blog and blog readers,

It's been quite a while since we met. I've always wanted to blog but time seems to be chasing after me. Preparations for this SPM was a dreadful one indeed. So I'm taking a day off to blog, fb a little and watched TV- The Express. Good movie! Ernie Davis was one tough, strong-willed man for his people and football. There's so many exciting stuffs to do after SPM. More dreadful days? 23rd Nov till 8th Dec 2010. GAahh.

Here's what I've planned. Who knows I might just refer to this list here because I don't have one yet nyeheh :)

• Join Just For Laughs Gags audition (maybe drag Yuhahahhaa my good friend along)
• Plan up the dates and trip together with Sarah to visit my dear sister whee~
• Prepare myself to enrol as an ICOM student. Oo, latest news... I'm going to take the Berklee Transfer Programme. Boston babey here I come! God has been really awesome and always is. He has led me and got my parents' approval to go for music :) Maybe I'll blog about this coming soon...
• Christmas season is just around the corner too! If I have the time, I'll go to the malls and slide on their pianos. Extra pocket money might come in handy hee!
• OO! Go get my driving license! I'm so gonna pray hard that my driving instructor is a SHFEmale, not the babbling type...
• Bring my little brother (hmm, not so little anymore) for a round of badminton, swimming, and an ice cream day. He'll be studying in 4 Semangat next year and we're proud of him in getting in to the first class. Next prayer item will be him becoming a Pengawas heh.
• Meet up with some old, once upon a time friends. I hope their numbers are not rotten in my phone list.

I guess that's all I can think of right now. Be right back after the 8th Dec 2010. So long... :D

Sincerely and signing off,

Daphne

By the Cliff

I had a short glimpse of where my life was at stake :

Clinging tightly onto a thick long rope at the sharp edge of a cliff, I stared fearfully at the ground below my feet at what seem like a never-ending journey. Mist surrounded me. I was almost there! To think that I could make my final move to safety, I trembled like a leaf. I couldn't put my body to the higher ground. But then, a familiar looking person reached His hand out to me. Quickly I grabbed His hand and a mighty force lifted my weight from the precarious cliff. Pheew.

There is no one like our God.

I was struggling with my spiritual life. Sometimes it does affect my normal routine life- fear, worries and anxieties. But nothing like a comforting rescue from God. I am now sound and safe (Eeyore, the blue donkey's line in Winnie The Pooh). After reaching on the higher ground with God's mighty rescue, I couldn't think back of myself hanging on to the fat rope. Was it all real? Sure it was. I felt an indescribable peace, rest assured. Maybe it was my SPM trials, or maybe I need my outsource spiritual food, maybe it was both. Hmm, what now after my landing? God You tell me what's next.

Esther Mustard

Esther Mustard! Gotta' start all over again with the skyping moment, scrubbing the toilet alone, no one sleeping beside me, no one practising singing at home, no one to fight for food and clothes, no one to scream "FAAASSSTERRR larh!" at or to look at and call "Oi skinny!", laugh at her super embarrassing moments (oooooh yes!! *eyebrows ups and downs*), praying together siblings time and the one who speaks up and stands up for me in any situation.

But this will come to an end soon.............. like next year @.@ pfft.

First album released

Poster done by the creative team

Back cover of the album

The launch of Bangkit album is today! First of all, I reused Esther's Bangkit photos (sorry sis hehe) =) I'm really excited about it. All the hustle and bustle of coming out with my song, without God's grace and help and angels he sent, I couldn't have done it without their kind help. There's so much of stories to tell you! Along the process of making an album, I learnt alot to be more responsible, detailed and careful. One big silly mistake I made was I didn't update the person-in-charge about my new lyrics! Gaaah, for that I'm really angry about myself... My fault for that.
I will be more careful and alert now. I hope that it will be a good small stepping stone for me in the music industry. I've got waaaay lot more to learn and improve.

Also so gonna miss Esther Mustard! She's going back to the UK tomorrow morning.

What a mixture of emotions I'm going through right now.

My yellow car

My life is like a passenger sitting in a yellow car- Driving it all alone, just me and my car on a road, a journey full of obstacles. God is like my faithful yellow car, who stands by me wherever I need anything.

When I :

• Am feeling warm and restless throughout my journey, my yellow car turns on the air cooler for me, giving me peace and comfort, rest assured that everything is going to be okay by shimmering me down.
• Meet with the traffic light, my yellow car will tell me what decision to make- to stop or to go. Also, while waiting for the lights to turn green, it teaches me PATIENCE as well.
• Meet with the nasty bumps on road, many times when I cross those bumps with my yellow car, I would be most likely be hit or knocked somewhere. But I am not alone, my yellow car is always here to bear my pain with me. We go through the bumps together-gether.
• See rain pouring down, my yellow car is always here to shade and protect me from the vicious rain (and also the scotching hot sun). Also, it has its wipers to wipe away the tearing raindrops from my sight.
• Am bored, my yellow car has this funky radio that entertains and brings joy to my loneliness. Good radio with a 24/7 service, convenient.
• (if I) Meet with a horrible accident, my yellow car has its emergency airbag system to save my life.
• Am crossing inside a dark tunnel, my yellow car has its powerful lights inside out to shine my path, warning me what is ahead.

My yellow car has been very faithful to me. Now I have to remain loyal to Him, no matter what!

A Good Trip

Loving Singapore now... The land where I got lost at the age of 5, in some hawker center... So many stories and good memories together with my maternal families. Might be thinking of studying in Singapore after some inspiration :) CleanER city than Malaysia hehe and good environment. Food? Can't beat Malaysia lah! hah! My Singapore cousin Claire right beside me said ''CAAAANNNNN" ha... :) Never open a single book, stress free from everything back in KL and I love it! Just did a little Add Maths questions. Will upload some good photos real soon. Bought a good Canon IXUS S95 camera, a GPS and a cam recorder. Will have a better update soon. Soreee :D

Gah, can't wait for my soon-to-be long looooong vacation after SPM!

;)

Oh Oats!

Time : 10.00pm
Day : Monday night
Location : Dinning table
Activity : Mugging Biology

Felt hungry, asked mom how to make oats. Took out Quaker Oats, some berries and raisins, Tesco's 3 in 1 Oat Oats pre-mixed cereal drink, condensed milk and cereals. Poured in hot water and then ready to savour!

*munch munch yum yum*

At the end of the whole oat savouring process, I felt my mouth was sticky and yucky #.#
No sooner, I wondered why did I eat oats in the very beginning. Not that I love eating oats. I've never eaten oats before and it tasted like baby's food. Then I realised I was in Biology Chapter 6 Nutrition page full of the words GRAINS, WHOLE GRAINS, NUTS, Oats, WHEATGERM etc.

No wonder lah I'm hungry for oatssss... =D

Oh the good times with my family

• I ajak my jamming kaki. Technically, he was the one taking out his guitar and asked me to play the piano. Whoosh, the tuning part needed patience the most! It was either his guitar was out of tune or my babey- pianoooo! So we jammed and time flies so quickly that I haven't got to finish up my homework. Feeling scared about tomorrow, I decided to get panic only tomorrow lah. Nyek nyek. But it was another good jamming session with my daddy. Our playing were extremely 'kopiak' telling you @.@ There were times- too loud, too rough, too complicated, and he will go "Oh, B flat key... don't want! ". Yes, the good times just me and my dad :)

• Oh yeah, Derrick and I managed to achieve something that we were really proud of- tricking Esther into our brilliant plan nyahahha! The story went like this :

GOING OUT FOR MAKAN:
We were all in the car. Mom and Dad don't close the gate usually. She spoke in didactic tone asking either one of us to slide close the gate (classic bully by the eldest huh). So we decided to do LAT TA LI LAT TA LI TAM PLOM. She lost! Yues, and off she closed the gate. Immediately, I had the most awesome idea!

Daphne : Derrick! Let's pakat to trick her to close the gate next time or do ANYTHING! Doing the dishes, off the fan, off the lights, everything! *grins*

Derrick : OK! *grins*

(Always coming out with our palms facing upwards was the plan)

COMING BACK HOME:
Here we go again. Someone had to go slide open the gate. Derrick and I had a wry wit each, smiling at each other and then laughed our heads off! Yet, she still doesn't know a thing! That poor girl tsk tsk tsk. First trial of the betting, all three of us had our palms facing upwards. I stared with my eyes wide open at Derrick. He acted blur. Game carried on. Second round, Derrick and I still had our palms upwards and yuessss again Esther lost! The whole family erupted with gales of laughter. Mom and dad already knew that their two sly kiddo children were up to something fishy! Unfortunately, our plan was 'dimansuhkan oleh' daddy the spoil-plan guy. Ended up, we all laughed our heads off like a drunkard family.

Good times, good times... :D