I'll get there...

With His help.

Floating in the middle of the sea, alone, I was so afraid of all the unknowns surrounding me (creepy crawling sea creatures and sharks), especially the ones I cannot see under my two bare feet. All by myself in the deep sea, BUT I know, I just know that Someone is watching over me. What lies ahead of me was a shore. On the shore, there were trees, a village and ONLY ONE tall gigantic mountain!

I keep getting pictures of how He would take really delicate and good care of me, because I know I'm on my training lessons, and God is my Trainer. This (training), I'm aware of and so are His promises and assurances. Once He made His promises, oh yes, you betcha' He'll keep them well.

This is the closest picture I could get from Google. Almost EXACTLY from my vision, except that I had a closer view.

The one and only tall gigantic mountain island :

It is scary, but I'll get there :) Just hanging on.

*Holds breath*

Week-end

WE survivied!

The WEE siblings survived a week without their parents ;)

And everyone's coming back home today heh. Everything's gonna be alright.

No more grumpy days.

No more 'who's gonna cook? Who's gonna do the dishes? Who's gonna settle the clothing? Who's gonna send Derrick for tuition (That'll be definitely me ehehe :P) ?? '

This means, we'll have more prayer time too :) I missed it.

One coming back from Thailand, another from Ipoh just arrived, the other just got back from PD.

***

Yesterday, I couldn't sleep well. I was in my dream, driving.

It was totally weird. Sitting in the car, tapping on the Jamie Cullum's song rhythm and always had emergency breaks because I lost focus on the road.

I guess it was because of the colourful spider I encountered 2-3 days ago on my side window (this was in reality), I got scared, wound down my window, blew the spider out, and then had emergency break that I almost hit the expensive car in front of me. Pfft.

Dream driving is totally not cool at all. It kills your sleep, and makes you nervous.

(untitled)

I hate this feeling.

***

Sorry, no potatoes picture today. We did wrap wrap.

Guess I'll just start my assignments right now.

Might not blog these days.

Mommy baked again!

I reached home around 4.13pm today. The sound of the mixer (flour and butter) delighted my heart.

"Mom's baking again!" I whispered to myself with a smile.

Walnut raisins pandan cupcake. Best in the world! Soft and fluffy, crisp in the outer layer.

I know I've been uploading cupcakes like a zillion times, heh heh, but it gets better everytime ;)

The joker (Derrick) dislikes walnut inside his cupcake, mom removed it for him.

See first cupcake.

:D

And the absolute fantabulous fresh mushroom soup! Hot and creamy. If you think Pizza Hut's mushroom soup is good, think again. It's not even in my list of food. Yes, my family is really picky when comes to food. I bet if grandfather is still here with us, he'll definitely be over the moon when he tastes THIS- home made by his daughter. :)

Tomorrow, we'll be doing potatoes.

I'll take a picture of it when it's ready ;)

It's a family thing- we just enjoy being picky, cooking, baking and eating fresh good food.

*Flashes teeth

This is the second batch- with some bits of cranberry in it :)

It's for her friend.

Shy no more!

My lecturer said I kenot be shy shy anymore.

Musicianship is important.

I kenot be shy shy anymore.

Musicians are supposed to be expressive. Yes, I'm in a music school.

Hehe, it took me quite awhile to realize this fact.

*Slow mo.

Receiving week

So much to say, but hmm... really, I don't know where to start.

All I know is that God is preparing me and my family to do something, something I would have never imagined. And He'll walk with me, even though I do not know where I'm at/going. Therefore, clinging on to Him is important. And He's going to raise leaders to disciple the young people for great work to be done in Malaysia.

No more short-sightedness, no more cooping in my shell. It's time. I'm pretty sure of what I'm suppose to do now. But need to spend some more time in prayers for confirmation.

All in all, it has been a good week. Been receiving warnings and visions which I won't write them down here.

***

I miss my daddy and I can't wait to tell him all that is happening. Be safe in MaeSot evangelizing to the prisoners.

Secondary school peeps

Preveena, YungXin, Navin, Me, Yuha, Vinotha.

It's been awhile now. A year has past. We went through PMR and SPM together-gether, tuitions, camps and Bengkel SPM in UM, and all the funny happenings in school as pengawas for 5 years, being the target of almost every teachers in school LOL, boys we liked and subjects we despised but managed to put up with, and the rest of the DRAMAS...

Looking back, I kinda missed it :P

Meeting some of them up yesterday for breakfast was good :)

Preveena (Pina) : my toilet partner, dancing queen, and my one and only Twilight critic friend! ;) Instead of "Oh shiat don't look (coz someone's coming)!" she w

ent "Oh look don't shiat!" LOL. She squeeks aloott too :D

Yuha : Bravest but can be shy at times, mysterious and hard to crack her secrets out, dislikes Sony Erricson but still uses it anyway -.- used to text me when there's song played on the radio that we loveee or songs that reminded us about something/someone and I had to rush to tune in to that station :

D 'I laik your beard!'

Vinotha : The brain! Smarty skirt. She was born to do all sort of Maths questions. She wears her pyjamas as early as 5pm! :D Never underestimate her because she's highly alert in whatever conversation that's going on. "Vhy lah? Vhere are we going??" :P

YungXin : Another smart one who studied a little but is a scorer. Happy go lucky, carefree. Bowling is her forte. When she's mad, she's reeeal mad so don't mess with her or else she'll throw you her bowling ball :B Kidding teehee. I remember her gi

ving out organic lollipops because they're healthy sweets, plus h

er mom owns an organic shop :)

Navin : She's a storybook

. She has different interesting stories every time we meet. Unpredictable one haha. She's good in imitating voices for prank calls :D She should be a deejay on

the radio someday :P

One day we're all gonna come out to the world and work, ge

t married and grow some white hairs, and laugh at each other's white hairs :D We'll still remain as good friends. They are also one of the main reasons I didn't left that school. I'll never forget them.

And of course my whole classmates!

We learn, we cry, we study hard, we score, we laugh, we get laughed at, we yell at each other, we get mad at each other, we sleep in class, we eat in class, we get stressed up together, we just love each other, don't we? :P

We play hard and study hard.

We'll never forget each other.

;)

Pure Science students are NOT that nerdy okay! :D

And...

I don't understand why are all my words being underlined :S

Just relek lah ;)

After Acoustics exam today, my head felt like a spinning top (gasing). I went blank at the end part of long essay and I was praying for something to write. I tried to remember hard :( Managed to scribble some words down which I hope it made some senses but I drew the wrong diagram. Gaah!

Okie. Right after handing in my papers, I stoned with my good friend CORLISS :D and then we spontaneously drove off to Midvalley for lunch. We got stuck for approximately 45 minutes in search of an empty car park. Hey, it's only 11.30am and it's a Friday, not a public holiday, and there wasn't any space for her Inspira. Sicked, we drove off to Tropicana City Mall. Along the way, we had simple talks from music to people whom we know to random topics and I tell you we girls switched topics pretty fast. All in all, I guessed we were comfortable hanging out as good friends. I was planning to get a simple.sweet.decent.and.elegant. white dress for my friend's wedding in November.

Lunch at TCM in a Japanese restaurant (of which I couldn't remember the name of it nyeheh) was pretty good, simple home-cooked style. Then we watched a movie : The Three Musketeers! Good movie, I just love the ending, I went nuts laughing at the ending but no one laughed :x it was just farnie and entertaining to me :D Stopped by at Corliss's house and hit on some black and white keys with her, never felt so being myself at the piano for a very long time. But it was just us, without worries thinking about hitting the wrong notes or how good we are. We just sat there and played the piano and laughed :D

Oh, and we ate so much today! I guess good food will always come to me because I'm blessed :) Lunch-Tutti Frutti-Thai food in Black Canyon-Chatime. We almost wanted to get popcorns but we had this interesting mushroom-oyster snack thing. Then we shopped in Kitschen. I bought 3 new dresses and, Corliss a lovely red top. Can't wait to show them to Esther and daddy when they get back ;)

A good break right after exams with spontaneous programmes. Just relek lah ;)

I'll start my projects and important-but-i-procrastinated homeworks during weekend.

Tomorrow's breakfast with my dearies from secondary school!

Ehehe!

Cooks cooking food

Jamie Oliver's Oliver's Twist is addictive! After 3 episodes of his cooking show, I just felt like cooking. But, mom cooked dinner. Nah, I just love watching cooking tv shows- Nigella's ones are good too.

Then grandmama called, saying she's going to China, Hong Kong and some island she said again for her holidays with friends. Aiks! I haven't been to China and I want to go. And she told me I could follow her to Hai Nan Dao :D next year -.- pfft.

Planning to go on a holiday trip around Asia in December with my family, but we haven't decided where yet. Maybe just KK hahaha. As long as there's FOOD, and GOOD FOOD comes first then shopping then sight seeing, I'm so so fine with it! :D

Seafood in Kota Kinabalu should be awesome!

Cheers to FOOD!

I'm so interested in FOOD that I should cook often, but I don't really have time :'( That's frustrating, when you want to do something you like but you need to do other important stuffs first. Gaaah!

Okie, I should stop blogging and think about food but to start mugging Acoustics right NOW!

:(

Any senses?

Sitting here with my good friend, CHRISTINE OH ING YAN mugging Moral Studies, I felt laik a rotten vegetable :/

I really don't see what I'd get from memorizing Moral Studies :/

Look at the mess on our desks! :/

And we had no choice but to stone now because we had enough of memorizing it.

This blog post doesn't make any sense.

One thing I know, is that KLCC is sooo pweeeety from here :D Really! We're sitting in the first floor, looking out the window.

And we took Mentos Strawberry gum from Aleif. Yawns.

This blog post doesn't make any sense.

This is REALLY a retarded eyes-closed picture, nyeheh.

:D

OKOK back to memorising :O :/

Art of Music

Nyesterday, Someone opened my eyes on how to do solo. For the past 9 months I wasn't sure of what I'm doing in a music school. I was blur but sure to be in a music school. But I guess, this, I need not to think too much trying to have solutions for every questions in me. It's only my first year and it's also a time of trial and error period for me.

I don't have to feel bad or compare myself to other musicians. It's a year of discovering and learning. It's a process, There is a time for everything, definitely. And in His time, because this is where He has placed me in, He'll see me through every seasons and will prosper me according to His own timing. Same goes to everyone too where He sent you out to where your field is, His favour will be with you, provided that we must walk closely with Him daily.

Learning the art of Music is a process.

I'm praying everyday, asking the Lord what's my strength in this area so that I can use it, and what's my weakness so that I can improve it.

:)

Happy Tinker alas!

After the long hours of jam in KL, I threw myself on the couch and decided to watch Tinker Bell on Disney channel. Never felt like a 5-year-old kiddie again! :D

The storyline started off with Tinker Bell not very happy with who she is and what her talent is. She compares herself with her friends who are the Nature-talent Fairies (garden fairies, water fairies, light fairies, animal fairies etc.). Only the Nature-talent Fairies are able to cross over to the mainland(where we humans live) to bring each season. She wants to visit the mainland but couldn't because she's a tinker and tinkers do crafts. Finally, after all the troubles and trials she has gone thru', she learns to accept who she is and her talent as a tinker, and of corse happy with what she's doing. The End.

The best part is, there's NO mushy mushy smoochy kissing scenes! Nowadays it's so hard to find chick flicks girly movies without any of those thingy in it. Hey, even cartoons these days have those stuffs and I laik Tinker Bell because it has lessons behind it without those stuffs hehe :)

Behind all wonderland stories and fairy tales, little girls (or once a little girl :P) long to be part of something special or someone special (or someone's special one *eyebrows up down :D).

Man, I want to be a fairy nao!! So that I can flaaaaaaai (fly) teehee!

Take my heart, won't You make me new (again)

I longed for this heart of worship again, and my fingers to run and roll freely on the keys with the Holy Spirit again.



Here I stand
Before You my heart is still
Wanting just to be with You
Waiting here
I long for Your voice to speak
Touch me now
It's Your face I seek

How my soul longs for You
To be with You, adore You
Nothing more I want to do
Than to sing to You

Jesus, I'm in love with You
Speak to me
Whisper Your words of truth
TAKE MY HEART
WON'T YOU MAKE ME NEW
Jesus, how I love You
How I love You

On my knees
Before You I lay my life
Giving all, a living sacrifice
Take my life
And all that I long to be
Set apart, only for You my King

How my soul longs for You (x4)

This song has been playing in my head for 2 weeks. I finally got the lyrics right. Some old song lyrics are still dear and meaningful to me :) I like songs from different composers. But it just so happen it's one of Planet Shakers' song again nyeheh.

Annoying people

While we were out today, I saw 2 situations with my mom which really annoyed us, especially me.

1. This lady who took a bag of rice from the shelves in Tesco, discovered and realized that the rice bag had a huge hole. Doing nothing, she left the rice pouring down like a running tap. What a waste! She knew it, but pretended not to know it and was busy lifting up another rice bag. Fuming, I went up and tilted the holed rice bag so that it stopped pouring down. Gee lady, what were you thinking! She definitely knew nothing how precious food are!! I had to swallow down my words of anger I almost lashed out my frustration at that lady.
2. This man, was pasting papers of 'skim pinjaman' with contact numbers on a TNB electric metal cupboard. He was tearing down old papers and yellow papers and deliberately left them on the ground! In the first place, no one is supposed to paste any advertisement on it, it's wrong. This litter bug really bugged my mind today.

Some people just need to learn how to be considerate and civilize la. Ish!

Thinking

I'm thinking... Just thinking.

Baaaa. Jumble of emotions again.

At a point

As I drove home along the highways and wide roads that lead to my home, I can't stop admiring the beautifully dimmed sun hanging high up on the light-tainted sky. Plus, I was playing one of Hillsong's old album cds in my car, singing God is faithful, His name higher than hopes and dreams etc. I felt my heart enlighten today :)

His creations are simply amazing, breath taking, if only we just take time to pause and ponder over these little things that seem to be the common. If the created things are awesome, what more is the Creator?

We don't need to go all the way to Switzerland or Finland or Ireland (omgosh my dream place !!) or whatever land to be amazed at their greenery, Malaysia too is really a beautiful country laahh, a sight to behold!

I guess after spending much time in prayers with my family and this morning, I got some words from Him, like finallyyy! (leaps for joy) And of coarse my family was there to confirm them. It was a time of refreshing :) Not only me, but for all of us. Prayers can make changes. It is also more encouraging when we pray as a group, especially with our family.

(untitled)

I was just throwing away some old stuffs from a cupboard upstairs. At this age, those stuffs have outgrown me. While I was disposing them, all my sentimental emotions swept across my head. Throwing away things because that they don't contain anymore value. For me, it's just a waste of space heehee :P

I kept stuffs like my first Barbie doll from JingYing (Mentakab), first fish statue I bought when I was a kid in Pangkor or Setiawan wherever that place is, souvenirs from friends from different countries, and little little stuffs boys I liked who gave me LOL just for the fun of it.

I threw away loads of teddy bears. I think they just sit there and collect dusts, take away spaces, and definitely a waste of money. Think by now my close friends already knew this 'ungirly' factor about me of not liking teddy bears nyeheh.

And then I realized, the clothes were still hanging outside I forgotten to take them in, and it's already 8.15pm! Baaaaaah, I hope the neighbours didn't laugh at me :P

I wanna' be a reflector

Today was my first time sitting in in a Bahasa service. Also, my first time in a SIB church in Puchong. The people there were so friendly and warm. After service, they even celebrated and prepared a birthday cake for the August/September babies. How sweet! :)

It's a new church. Though the songs and the flow wasn't perfect, but I could see the hearts that they have for Jesus. That just reminded me something of my past. However, I made up my mind to look to new things and not of the past, just like Paul who said it in Philippians 3:13-14, "... forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus"

Anyway, today's sermon was in Bahasa.

Dalam injil Markus 14:3-9, (dalam bahasa saya) kita sepatutnya memberi atau membuat sesuatu yang terbaik untuk Yesus seperti wanita yang mengurapi kepala Yesus dengan salap mahal dari kelalang Alabaster (or buli-buli : jar). Heh.

It was a good reminder. For me, it's about giving my best service to Him, in everything that I do, feel, think and say, and to strive to be good at with what I'm doing now for Him. It also helped me to realign my fokus terhadap Yesus dalam apa-apa pekerjaan yang saya buat. Fokus ini juga dapatlah memberi sumbangan kepada kerajaan Kristus.

I remembered how I dragged myself to Bahasa class in the early mornings in school. But now, I missed it alot. It's my national language and somehow, I love it no matter what, and I'm proud to say this. Also, I believe that it is the minorities, the ones who will farm the mushrooms and make an impact to them :)

An old tune just came across my mind :

I wanna' be a reflector, shine Your light little brighter, I wanna' let the whole world know that Jesus LIVES IN ME! :)

It's all about the heart. After all that He has done for me and you, what kind of heart do we have for Jesus?

I'm a foodie!

I think I should start exercising soon. Yawns. But kinda lazy lah.

Been eating loads of good food recently. Sushi Zanmai, nasi lemak ayam masak merah tambah telur goreng outside my high school (superb ones really!), homemade sushi by mom, Delicious, Pappa Rich, Betty's Midwest Kitchen (some american food), Levain, really goooood desserts etc. so banyak that I can't recall them.

MCDONALD'S IS DEFINITELY NOT IN MY LIST OF GOOD FOOD. NEVER! :P

Anyway, today's dinner was on me! I brought my family to this place, Lorong Rahim Kajai 13 in TTDI (Taman Tun Dr.Ismail) called Surisit, the Thai Kopitiam. Not exactly a kopitiam, it's more like a naise, dinner place without a decoration?? Kopitiam these days try to keep up with the old fashioned walls and lightings, bare ceiling type, in a way it does save costs too lol. Simply say, it's a restaurant :) Mom found this Thai Cuisine restaurant on The Stars today. Speaking about newspapers, I realized it's been almost a week I haven't been reading any of them :(

Dad couldn't have a say in footing the bill coz' I finallyyy have the rights to do so hee. I got my first pay from my first gig :) That is, of coarse after giving 10% of it to His church.

Okie! Besides food, I have some new resolutions : transcribe any 3 songs that I like a day, and get doooown to serious business with jazz! I really mean it. I laik jazz and thought of giving it all out, starting from nao! Funk, fusion, smooth jazz, bossa nova, swing etc.

Btw, while I was having my awesome possum dinner today (ohhh the omelette, fried beef with their own sweet spicy sauce recipe, seafood tomyam and banana salad were REALLY good, home cooked style), I had this bossa nova beat in me playing Chega De Saudade coz I was so happy with my food ;)

Nyeheh!

Music nerdddd.

Didn't take some pictures, as usual, was too hungry food got gobbled up really fast. :D

A Friend so amazing

Even when I'm excited, glad, disappointed, angwee, fuming like mad, tired, sleepy, embarrassed or emotionless, Someone is always watching over me, ready and waiting for me to talk to Him even when I didn't take notice of Him. Someone will still put up with all my attitudes, mood swings and randomness because He simply just loves me for who I am.

Not because of how good I am or not or what I can do for Him. It's because I'm one of His precious little ones. He simply just loves me for who I am.

A loyal and sincere Friend I can never completely understand. All I know is that He really, really cares for my being. His love so wide, so deep, so great- that is all I need right now :)

Lord, I'm amazed by You,

Lord, I'm amazed by You,

Lord, I'm amazed by You,

And How You love me.

Peed books ew!

While I was at the train today, I eavesdropped some random Chinese boys from Zhun Kong High School. Actually, I wasn't eavesdropping, they were talking rather loudly in Mandarin so that everyone in the train could hear them.

Boy A said something like this in Mandarin (Direct Translation): "Today I in the toilet peed and my books fell on the floor leh," Boy B replied: "Really ah?? Got touched on the pee mah??" Boy A:"I used some water to wash them away already," Boy B:" I think you need to replace the library books!"

Moral of the story is :

Library books cannot be trusted because they are not hygienic. For book 'smellers', DON'T SMELL! For I-like-to-touch-smooth-pages readers, DON'T TOUCH! For put-books-on-face-and-sleep people, DON'T EVER DO THAT!!

You might not know what the previous people who borrowed the books did to the books ;)

It's kinda gross I know, but just to be aware of stuff like this. Hee hee!

At home and out

Sorting out wardrobe with my sister. I knew this day would come once she's back from UK for good, and it's todaeee!

Gonna' wear some old school jeans to college soon :D

Oooooold skooool~

Quite sayang wanna' throw away some branded clothes :(

Playing frisbee at 5.30pm today. Tomorrow's gonna be another packed day: breakfast with my good old church friends, go climb a rock in the afternoon (rock climbing) with college mates, raya dinner at 8pm with my high school mates :D Sunday? Church and film shooting teehee!

I forgotten about my homework! :O will find time to do it soon nyek nyek :)

Jig saw puzzles

I think I've sort of figured things out, where my jig saw puzzles seem to slowly fit in. You know when you're fixing a jig saw puzzle, you go through a trial-and-error period. Frustrating, at first, when you can't match them. But once they fit in well, you go amazed and in awed with the breath-taking picture right in front of you.

I'm talking about what-am-i-suppose-to-do-with-music thing here. My trial and error moment was to do film scoring. Then to teaching, writing songs, and production. Not so much of performing because I think that it's pride inviting to me. I'm not saying that performing is bad. It may be good to others who know their stand and what they're doing. I guess I'm much more comfortable without having spotlights on me on stage playing the piano.

I'd like to produce something, like a story or a play, skits with meanings behind. And write some songs :) I've been exposed to so-call acting since young and realizing that I like it so so much, I think I'd like to go in to the production line. Arts and theatre would be definitely a yes YES! :D

Tempting. But it's not all about me. It's about what God wants me to do. I just have to wait on God, obey Him. Then I'll be alright. It's not what I feel good about it. Feelings are temporary. I am at the preparatory stage. Will just need confirmations and the right timing from God through faith and prayers :)

Lastly, I remembered a peaceful voice coming from within my inner heart, telling me "Trust Me, in everything that you do," in one of my quiet times days ago. It's exciting embarking this journey with my precious One :)

Something to blog about

I just watched Bersih 2.0! I mean, Nasi Lemak 2.0! Kept mixing up these two things subconsciously -.-

Went with my sister to the nearest mall and grabbed two seats. It was... hilarious and lame, the typical Malaysia scene lah heh heh.

And then I got a phone call from StarHome Media, a modeling company, but I was told to shoot a drama. The requirements? Black natural hair. Okie, and I sorta dragged my sister along too :P It's a small part, but I'm glad that my friend got me this opportunity. I'm so proud of her, at my age, modeling and designing, doing things that she loves :)

I always love acting! Since young, story telling competitions, poem reciting competitions, Sunday School drama and skits, choral speaking etc. were my favourite part (it has to do with some imagination and acting too as well i think heh). And and, my best secondary school years part was drama competitions which I always reminisce the good ol' times :) and proud of my team's achievements :)

Ah, we'll see how it goes! Just being excited doing something I laik ;)

Love letters

Dear Sibelius 6,

Why is it so hard to know you?? You're too mysterious that I simply just give up knowing you. I talked to you, but you don't respond; I shouted at you, still no respond. Great. So, I don't see the point of crying my eyeballs out to you. Sorry okie.

We never seem to have a good laughing conversation with each other before. Troublesome lah you at times. But I still gota' love you anyway for who you are.

Or else, I cannot go for my arranging class tomorrow at 4pm.

Sincerely and lotsa' painful love from,

Dafernie Weeeee.

(untitled)

Triplets on arpeggios #.#

I used to get it right, but now my brain occasionally gets confused from quaver to triplets.

This thingy is one of my Wednesday exams.

After this week, I'm gonna SHOP!! and EAT! and drive my sister out! (to do the same thing) :D

My sister is my gps. And I need her to direct me how to park my myvi :/

Heh heh.

Freakin' parking skills I still gota learn man, aiks!

JESUS is LOVE

My heart belongs to Jesus. I've found my love, passion and security in Jesus. It's not all about the music or the missions and ministries. It's just Jesus. He is the LOVE. And my heart shall be filled with gladness and joy as a musician for Christ.

This also means that I'll stop worrying about whether am I good or not good enough being a pianist in the music scene. I believe that when He calls me here with His very own designed purpose, He'll see me thru' the seasons then. About relationships, I don't want to be single-for-life and I trust that You have a good plan in this :D

God gives the best!

Teehee!

Back from camp and here's the story!

Once upon a time...

In the merry month of March, I signed up for the Plan 11! Teehee!

Me and my sistah, Esther, we went for the camp. Me not having any expectations about it but to go with an open heart. Guess what? My heart goes out for all the missionaries for Christ. I feel that it's one of the greatest callings to be a missionary. The world perceives this ministry or 'career' choice as foolish ones, especially graduates and working men who are earning moneys and reputations, they simply just lay down their lives for the work of Jesus. They've come to a point that money, fame and worldly empty pleasures are not the true purpose of living a one-time life on earth. It is all about winning souls to God's kingdom. That is, I believe, every believers's mission. We are created in the image of God, to pray, worship and share about Jesus Christ the way, the truth and the life to the unreached people.

It really made me think and ponder again over what am I living for and who am I living for. I always sing praise and worship songs ti God, but do I really mean it? Giving up my life to Him? Giving up my desires to Him and let Him be a my navigator?

I think what I've learnt from the Plan 11 is that God just wants my love, passion and obedience for Him in my life and music. Not so much on worrying about "what's my calling?' and 'what's my next step, oh my God?'.

Also, He says that I should "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I (God) will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ." Philippians 4:4-7

I had a good time at camp. The food, friends and fei-lo-ship and interesting workshops and and and frisbee-on-beach game were awesome possum! :D Above all, I think that this camp has really pushed me to be discipline when praying to God, as in like I give my total focus to Him and not get distracted with other stuffs.

Man, I think I gained weight from this camp. Shucks. But I think it'll be fine once I start walking to college (again :S) tomorrow from the train station. This week's exam week. Once again, God I need your strength, wisdom and emotions in all my tests :D

Dog days

Thought of getting a dog as my pet. Man's best friend eh??

Actually, I thought that by having a dog at home would help me overcome my FEAR FOR DOGS. You have nuuuuu idea how terrifying dogs can be to me. Cute at times, but absolutely high in potential to bite me everytime I get near to dogs... It's a feeling. Hee.

When I was young, aged of just started leaning how to walk on tiny feet, my sister used to let out her black dog on purpose at home to chase after me like nobody's business. I eventually somehow don't know how came to a dead end, and it tagged me down and growled at me. Me and my bulging eyes of fear, epic! Another time was while I was strolling at my old taman with my best friend (Vivien), Crystal's black dog (black dog again -.-) dashed out from their gate and strived enthusiastically towards our direction. Obviously, first instinct is to RUN FOR MY LIFE!! Lesson 1 is to NOT TO RUN when you see a dog. That, I phailed... My two slippers swung proudly in the sky. The dog nearly bit off my ankle. What a 'sensation' moment!

Anyway, even if Derrick and I want a dog at home, mom already said to him : "At home, we either have you OR the dog," :P

Come to think about it, maybe it's not so a good idea to have a dog at home nyeheh :D

the He and he

I'd...

wait for friendship first rather than committing into a relationship,

often pray, talk and seek God about him first rather than trusting my feelings,

make myself secure in God first rather than getting security from men,

put my hopes in God rather than hoping in him to make the moves.

If he is the one God intended him to be with me, then I shall not worry about how things would work out and how God pens down our story in His little book (which I think He has that book heh heh). By the way, I'm not implying this on anyone. I guess God will sort things out, make way if He wants to and will take care of everything, even if it's complicated or not :) In simple words, the 'he' shall remain as a question mark to me teehee!

When I pray for the 'he', I'll always know that 'he' too is praying for the 'she'. God's perfect timing tells everything. Maybe I still have other stuffs and commitments to fulfill and learn and be mature in Christ, and that I'm not yet ready for another new commitment. I think only God knows when I'm ready, when the both of us are ready.

Cheers to Jesus who knows all my needs :)

what to do

Thinking about all the things that I need to do, I feel like bursting out in tears. A LOT of things to do :'(

Teach me, dear Lord how to sort my time well. I really mean it. I dislike the amount of time wasted on traveling to and fro to college. There's 24 hours/day to sort out my time glueing my butt on the piano chair and study and read the Bible and spending time with my family rite... Teach me too, especially to REST in Your presence too.

Exams are coming. And I'll be away for The Plan 11- a christian camp 31aug-3sept purpose where I copied and pasted 'God desires His glory to be declared among the nations, his marvelous deeds known among all peoples, and He wants to do this through us.' Topics including:

What will you do to make Him famous?
Stretch! Your vision of God
Stretch! Your Heart for ALL peoples –
Stretch! Your Capacity…

…to make Him famous!!

Psalm 96:3

You have to help me in my up-coming In-Class Assessment (ICA)! And help me not to stress and cry #.#

Heh heh.

(untitled)

I was just reading my 2008 blog posts. oh dearie, I couldn't understand some of the stuffs that I wrote :S

And I overheard Naruto saying stuffs like " ...these guys are always a pain in my you know what!" LOLOLOLOL. He aint wanna' say the word a**.

Bro and I LOLed.

The little things

It's really hard for me to keep small stuffs like handphones, wallets, housekey, carkeys, pendrives, receipts etc.

I texted Darren, my cousin to pick me up at 8.15pm from the train station. He needed to rush to Sunway by 9pm.

I got in the train from titiwangsa, started digging my big blue bag (again), in search for my tiny handphone. Shucks. I left it in Aiden's car, my college mate. My second time leaving my handphone in my friend's car. Here was what I did : pray. Nothing about my handphone, but asking my Father in heaven to tell Darren I'll be reaching the sri petaling station at 8pm. I thought I didn't want him to come at 8.15pm and rush all the way to Sunway.

My heart did battle awhile, thinking whether Will He do little stuffs like this for me. I tried my very best to have full faith and trust in Him. Once my feet stopped walking, as in standing still on the platform, CCD Proton Saga appeared right in front of my eyes! Dumbfounded, I waved at my cousin.

My heart swelled with pride because of what He has done for me- answering my little prayers. The little things He did just for me made me think over about His great love for me.

He made me one of His important daughters; He helped me do simple things; He has all the time to listen my prayers.

Though we can't see Him physically, we can always acknowledge His existence and appreciate little things like this.

You awesome!! :D

His Timing

Cherry Blossoms (Sakura), I am.

Got this picture during Sunday morning service :)

It'll blossom beautifully only at certain season, certain timing.

Sabar, daphne. Know that there's time for everything, and that Someone is in control of my life's event.

this feelin' again

I just feel like watching all the movies on my laptop now now now! And laugh and cry with a tissue box beside meeee. I think I'll just use my bare palms to clear my face.

But I can't watch movies now.

I have tha' listen to some songs and transcribe them. And then play some scales and, omgosh... here comes the part... contemporary harmony! :'( half of the time in class I cried my eyeballs out (inside lah hehe) trying to understand what my lecturer is talking. But, I'm getting used to his teaching. He's good and fast and the best part is that when he demonstrates naise chords on the piano, every single soul in class comes back to live hehe :D Sometimes I yawn when I open my book, sometimes I get all excited learning something new. Baaah.

Was feelin' kinda moody today, this feeling again, urghhh... of thinking how to get myself up to the standard of being a musician. And my brain wasn't with me today in acoustics class. Never felt so down before.

Jesus pick me up please, I know these discouragement and mundane feelings aren't coming from you.

What's cookin'

I take it all back...

I actually like to bake. Heh heh (if you've read my last post Crotchet Baking). I did mother's moist chocolate cake today and it was fantastic ;) Almost done with melting the toppings.

Dad also made his awesome sambal again. He learnt it from his mom- my babanyonya grandmother. I heard from daddy and his siblings (13 of them) that she was an amazing cook too! Never got to taste her food. I guess both my parents reallyyy love food! They feed us well with what they cook. I never got bored and tired of their cooking. Always something new.

Also, when there's good food, they'll drive all they way there just to eat! There was once we drove all they way to Kuala Langat to eat some seafood. And then another one morning to Ipoh for salted steam chicken and came home after makan. From Kuantan, we drove all the way to Kemaman for soft shell crabs and their local kopitiam, then back to sleep. We even drove down to Melaka for local durians (WOHH super LIKE man!) and cendol. Travelled to cendol stall in Melaka TWICE, still haven't gotten to taste it yet :( So, when Chinese New Year and school holidays come, my aunt and her family from Singapore who also LOVE food, ahh picture the rest of it by yourself :P

Yea, good times :)

Tomorrow's breakfast?? Nasi lemak kukus with telur-goreng-sendiri and, for tea, baked moist chocolate cake :D

I'll continue to learn how to cook and bake. And be good cooks like my mom and dad and their mommies and daddies too. Oh yeah, my maternal greatgrandfather was a chef for the British too during their ruling in Malaysia. Proud, heh though I do not know him.

I loveeeeeee food! No, seriously, LOVE G.O.O.D. food :)

Runs in the blood? Teehee!

His 'less than 3'

God's <3 isn't based upon us meeting some expectation or providing something for Him. He simply loves- completely, entirely, without hesitation.

ODJ- Thursday August 4 2011 : God is near.

<3 is love

Desires

Violin? Viola? Or Cello?? Lessons... not sure which ones to pick up. Or should I just continue to drum around. Aiya...

I just remembered something, I need a keyboard too and I haven't made up my mind which one to purchase, more like what functions I need.

And I'm taking the price into consideration too.

It looks really impossible to me to have what I desire, but by faith and prayer He'll provide if it's not harmful for me to have them.

Heart defrosted

My heart has gone through the defrosting process. I finally could tell this to myself. It took a very long time for it to happen. Patient and Endurance were required, but Trust was needed more- the Trust on God to deliver me, restore and renew spiritually.

My heart has gone through the defrosting process. This I know, for my prayer life came back and I could freely and naturally worship Him again in church.

So many things have happened in these two years of my life- so big the changes that impacted me and my family. Through tears and joy, God was with us and He is, even right now. I know.

I cried so much, so hard. So many times I wanted answers from God. He just left me with His Peace. The two years incident traumatized me. No one cared for us. But God did. He has eyes and ears and records everything down in His book. He was gracious, faithful and good to my family. We'll start all over again. It doesn't matter. He is the Most High God we serve. Who else do we need to fear of in this world? No one can come against us as long as God is with us.

It was good to know that God picked me up again and is guiding me back to the path He designed for me.

I agree with "I admit it's so hard and consistent and discipline...Lord, help me please." from Esther's blogpost. "There are times when we find it easy to obey His Word because we feel its truth deep in our hearts. But there are also times when we must choose obedience to its truths, whether we feel like it or not." an article from today's Solid Ground, OurDailyJourney, Regina Franklin.

Please keep defrosting my heart until it gets warm and is flamed up with fire even brighter than the last ones for You.

How hard it is

I shouldn't try so hard in everything that I do.

But what if I don't try hard enough and start to slack without knowing it?

It's too scary. I rather not take the risk.

But sometimes creativity and good production come from NOT trying too hard. (I'm not talking only about music, in general I mean.)

I don't know where's the limit of how hard is too hard.

It's a thin line for me.

Gaaah.

I need to rebuke and get rid of this spirit of perfectionist in me before it gets worst.

Teach and learn

Teaching is fun! If you know what you're teaching. If you don't, you might just confuse the learners.

I just realized that if I want to teach someone, I need to have a system/order/steps when I'm conveying and telling them stuffs that I know. Also, for them to understand best, I need to strategize my teaching that suits them best in learning- by sight, hearing, writing down notes, mind mapping, creating pictures and sound etc.

I was teaching Derrick how to write and remember essays (in BM hwa hwa). Most of the times, Maths too. I like Maths. Chinese school really taught and drilled me Maths like mad for 6 years!

I guess we have to be creative when comes to teaching. Better start training myself for years to come so that I can teach music in a fun way :)

So I learn to teach and teach to learn. Heh.

Early mornings

If I can wake up early in the morning...

as early as 3am to study, mug, and memorize my exam notes,

as early as 5am to catch a movie on tv and (only recently) some Korean drama series on KBS

and

as early as who knows what time to... pee,

then

I should be able to do the same too when it comes to praying for Malaysia!

6am Saturday.

May God rule and reign and bring justice to Malaysia.

That someone

There'll come a time for singles to ponder and wonder about who we'll be loving and marrying someone someday.

I guess the time has not come for me yet, and will never be until the day God smiles and whispers to me, "Go for him!", my heart delights in it, and the green light from my mum and dad. Then I'll know.

It's simple.

I hope.

Sometimes we are asked to wait. But this we know- God's never late!

Till now, purity and guarding my heart.

So so much more to learn.

First gig

I had an interesting and a wonderful experience working as a lounge pianist for 2 days. Actually it's a 1 month job. This week's day 1 was nervous; day 2 was a little more laid back.

The employees were really friendly. They'll go 'sawadica' when they see you or just HI! I had my fuhree meal and drink. Being a pianist to set the mood of a place is important. I cannot be in my own world. I had to feel the mood and feelings of the crowd. There was a teenager who came up to me and complimented my playing. I was really thankful to her and had a nice short talk with her. Apparently, she had one of the same books with me ;) I guess a little encouragement did helped and made a difference in me later on.

Ohhh, did I mention that in the 18 years of my life, the toughest song I ever played and tried playing it over and over again without any mistake IS the happy birthday song. Boiyyyy... simplest tune... and yet I still hesitate in every notes and chords. The guests requested this scary song on my both days of work! Bolehhh tahan lah :D Just follow the flow. Just do it. Nike!

Whatever that I'm doing or wherever am I each day, I thank God for His protection and favour in me. It is also a time for me to test myself and see what God has in mind for me- serving people with music, teaching, writing songs, performing or to work in a studio/company, travel and minister to people with music etc. I don't know yet. Just taking one day at a time, slowly discovering His plan for me :)

It's nice to always wake up with a smile every morning, knowing that God is in control of my music career.

Good week comes from prayers

I had a good week starting from Thursday :D

Thursday : Was practicing in the afternoon. Went and watched the 9.30pm Monte Carlo with Adeline, Darynn and suuuuuurprisingly Darren too! It's a chick flick movie by the way heh heh. Had a greattt time laughing and waaaah-ing at the movie. Reached home at 12.am with a terrible flu as a result of not having enough sleep. Dad prayed with Adeline and me for a good night sleep, and for God to heal my horrible flu.

Friday : Woke up at 6.30am. Flu was completely gone! Time to go for driving test! Sleepy... A bus picked me up from William's at 8.15am. Reached Broga Hill/Nottingham campus then Megah Wangsa to sit for my test. One of the red shirt helpers asked me : xiao mei! shui bu xing a? (Little girl, you haven't woke up ah?) Giving him a blank look, I said yes yes yes yes, I'm very blur now. My clutch had some minor problem, and I drove in senget to the 3 point turn, closed my eyes and told God : pls pls pls don't let me knock the pole again when I reverse. Done! I passed :)

I ended my test at 10.30am. Read a book while waiting for the others to finish. It was already 3.30pm and I became agitated and impatient. What if I didn't reach home on time for work? What if I didn't have enough sleep? While waiting for William to get in the bus, I prayed again: God, please bring William in NOW to the bus because... *screech* the bus door flung opened and William appeared. "OKAY lets goooooo!". That... was reallyyy fast, God! Thank you!! Oh, I almost forgotten something important. 1 minute before I started my test, I texted mom to pray. She was in school. Immediately she got up from her seat, gave homework to her students and dashed out (yeah!) from the classroom and spoke in tongue in prayers for me. I had supports from her prayers too. Love you loads, mum!

Reached home at 5pm. Hungrily ate roti pisang as my late lunch. Then got ready for my first work in Bangsar Shopping Centre- my first job as a lounge pianist! This too, was my prayer to God to open doors of opportunities for me to do different things as a musician. It was a miracle that one of the seniors from ICOM called me up for the job offered. Really nice person. Nervous and tensed up. But I think I did well for my first time, my fingers and feelings were frozen in the first few songs, after awhile I managed to be myself :) Performing or playing in a crowd whatever is it is not really my forte. But it was a good exposure/experience :)

Saturday : I had a goooood sleep! Woke up at 9.20am with a smile. Plan to watch Transformers later, maybe tomorrow after church :D I still have to work tonight lah.

Teehee!

School's starting soon, can't wait! Excited for my next sem (3) :) What else more can it be than to be excited? It's a music school. Okay, quiet time right now :D

Buhbye.

Wisdom is best

I am loving Psalms and Proverbs each day. I hope I can keep up with this oomph, momentum or whatever you call it. It's good to read and learn these two books from the Bible. Psalms gives me inspiration, and Proverbs gives me wisdom, understanding and good sense.

Proverbs, especially, is a direct and straight forward book for me. heh heh. It says good sense will keep us safe. Understanding will guard us. Wisdom will save us from the ways of evil men. It will save us from men who twist their words. When we look for wisdom and understanding, we will understand how to have respect for the Lord, and find how how to know the Lord. He stores up success and guards the path of honest people. He is like a shield to those who live without blame, He keeps them safe. He watches over the way of his faithful ones. Don't let love and truth leave you, then you will find favour and a good name in the eyes of God and people.

One of my favorite verses is Prov 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding. In all your ways remember him. Then he will make your paths straight and smooth.

Hold on to good sense and the understanding of what is right. Then you will go on your way in safety. You will not trip and fall. The Lord is the one you will trust in. He will keep your feet from being caught in a trap.

I remember complaining how terrible it is to be a nicey person to everyone and then they take advantage of me. I got jealous of man who is capable to hurt others. Prov 3:31 says 'don't be jealous of a man who hurts others. Don't choose any of his ways.' Just because I don't know how to react at times but to hold on to my words and look silly, well I'm happy for being who I am. As long as I ask God for wisdom and understanding in being nice, I'm safe, I won't trip or fall in evil men's plan.

Get wisdom. Get understanding Stay close to wisdom and you will be safe. Love her and she will watch over you. Value wisdom, and she will lift you up. Hold her close and she will honor you.

I think it's a good way of preparing myself for testing times and his ministry. God has taken me out of my shell by opening doors to explore new stuffs in music. So, I'm about to be expose to work and world. Like it or not, I have to do it. I'm always so protected staying at home. Time to grow up and wisdom will nurture me. May God's favor be with everyone who wants wisdom :)

crotchet baking

i don't like baking.

after all the yelling and shelling that i got from her, i decided that today will be my last!

i bet today's cupcakes will be the best among all the rest that she made. Know why? That's because I mixed the sugar, butter and flour altogether. Nyek nyek! I'm the first cook ever to never blend the butter and sugar and eggs together. So I separated the FINE GRANULATED sugar and SIFTED flour with a spoon and my bare hands. It was such an exposure and experience, so fine that i'll never forget.

rilek lah you, i started out my first piano lesson by not knowing how to spell 'crotchet'.

so, what's the big fuss?

:} :S :O :) :] a jumble of emotions.

A night witnesses

It was 9pm. My heart skipped a beat. Mom just witnessed a handbag-snatcher (snatch thief) in KL. I saw it too, but not from a good angle. Derrick was just doing his thang- his head was looking down, playing, i guessed with his fingers or he was in his own world. Dad tilted his whole body approximately 160 degree towards mom, and panicked: " WHAT IS HIS TELEPHONE PLATE??". Annoyed, I told him with a frown: "You mean the motorcycle number plate?".

We were waiting on a traffic light, and then a motorcycle with 2 people riding on it swept passed through our car, stopped beside an old shabby teal-coloured proton waja, grabbed her huge white handbag from the passenger's seat! Just in 1 sec. I forgotten to mention, that both her windows were wind down, she probably didn't have air-conditional in her car. Sheesh. Poor lady (aged 20 plus). I could tell that she was too shocked and was in the verge of crying. Thankfully, she still have her handphone with her even though her handbag got taken away.

Mom waved to our 'neighbour' and was like showing the female her handbag, pointing at the incident in front. The female's husband even wind down the window to talk to us but I quickly told mom to NOT to wind down hers, it was too dangerous to talk, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TRAFFIC. But they too saw the whole incident.

Sheesh. Better hope that wouldn't happen to your mommah you thieves!!

To all ladies and mommies out there, never ever leave your handbags or any type of bags, small big dull colourful etc. on your passenger's seat while driving alone, exactly like the victim I witnessed moments ago. It's a bad habit that we must curb. Whether your windows are closed or not, just remember not to put away handbags at places far from you (even if the left side seat seem so near, actually, it's kinda far and dangerousss). Hide them under your feet or somewhere not opened to public's eyes. I really felt for her because we all couldn't do anything to help her, we were all stuck at the traffic and the motorcycle sped off so quickly, leaving the smell of burning tyre and exhaust smoke. Lets pray for safety. God will keep us away from these harmful people.

Yum

The movie Julie and Julia imposed a feeling in me to cook and bake... like a few seconds ago! Teehee!

Remember the times where the lady inside the tv screen was feeding her taste buds with scoops of chocolates, cheezzze and sweet treats of strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, all sort of berries in the whole wide world, pastries, pies, roasted chicken bla bla ... and ... and... all we could only do is to stare at the screen, pathetically, our stomach filled with air and get envied for where she is and what she's doing at that moment.

Like the feeeeeling??

Holiday resolution : cook and bake (as much as I can)!

After all, food is one of ze best ways to win a man's heart. Heh heh. I don't like food, I love them!

Ohhhh, going to the market with Mother tomorrow would be a good way to start? Hmm... Smelly fishy here I come.

The David-Daphne relation

It makes sense!

***

Yesterday 23:09

Looking at myself, I felt small, shy, lack of confidence and realized that I'm not equipped with any equipment! I began to doubt God's plan and the ministry He's about to get me involved. I'd say, even if you're good theoretically about having faith and not to doubt, somehow somewhere down in the recesses of my mind, my faith dwindled. I was deceived by the vicious enemy, the lies felt so real and true to me : What's so special about yourself? You're too young lahh, and inexperienced. D.e.f.i.n.i.t.e.l.y. not up to the standard. Inadequate.

Then God's word (I knew it was his) blew all the devil's lies away, telling him off : So what? Are you making fun of David? Haven't you learnt about the David-Goliath story?

It makes sense!

David the shepherd was shy, goodie, youngest, smallest among his family... was like me! Scrap the youngest part, I'm the middle child fella teehee. God chose him to be king; God chose him out of his 7 brothers; God made him special; God helped him to defeat Goliath! David, he took up the fight. This is really important. If he didn't take up the fight, Goliath wouldn't be killed and wonder what would happen to the Isrealites- the whole nation! He wasn't equipped at all. With just 5 smoothes stones and a sling bag, he struck the giant down. He was brave, the Lord was with him; He was confident, the Lord was with him. Eventhough his oldest brother, Eliab judged him "... I know how proud you are. I know how evil your heart is..." (1 Samuel 17:18), David didn't give up. In fact, he spoke up [to Saul] "..I'll go out and fight him [Goliath]." (1 Samuel 17:32) Not sure what guts he had, probably not much of self confidence but he knew he had to pick the fight.

Composing music sometimes just need to be simple and natural. David took only 5 stones, not with him any military clothes, armor, bronze helmet and sword and training along the battle with the Palestine, it was only God and his stones man! What an incredible amount of faith and testimony. I bet he too did wrestle with God should he go up and take the fight, little did he know it was a fight that has changed a life's time history.

He trusted God, obeyed Him and showed the world that this almighty God can do the impossible.

Support, comfort and courage come from God.

Rilek lah.

:)