His Timing

Cherry Blossoms (Sakura), I am.

Got this picture during Sunday morning service :)

It'll blossom beautifully only at certain season, certain timing.

Sabar, daphne. Know that there's time for everything, and that Someone is in control of my life's event.

this feelin' again

I just feel like watching all the movies on my laptop now now now! And laugh and cry with a tissue box beside meeee. I think I'll just use my bare palms to clear my face.

But I can't watch movies now.

I have tha' listen to some songs and transcribe them. And then play some scales and, omgosh... here comes the part... contemporary harmony! :'( half of the time in class I cried my eyeballs out (inside lah hehe) trying to understand what my lecturer is talking. But, I'm getting used to his teaching. He's good and fast and the best part is that when he demonstrates naise chords on the piano, every single soul in class comes back to live hehe :D Sometimes I yawn when I open my book, sometimes I get all excited learning something new. Baaah.

Was feelin' kinda moody today, this feeling again, urghhh... of thinking how to get myself up to the standard of being a musician. And my brain wasn't with me today in acoustics class. Never felt so down before.

Jesus pick me up please, I know these discouragement and mundane feelings aren't coming from you.

What's cookin'

I take it all back...

I actually like to bake. Heh heh (if you've read my last post Crotchet Baking). I did mother's moist chocolate cake today and it was fantastic ;) Almost done with melting the toppings.

Dad also made his awesome sambal again. He learnt it from his mom- my babanyonya grandmother. I heard from daddy and his siblings (13 of them) that she was an amazing cook too! Never got to taste her food. I guess both my parents reallyyy love food! They feed us well with what they cook. I never got bored and tired of their cooking. Always something new.

Also, when there's good food, they'll drive all they way there just to eat! There was once we drove all they way to Kuala Langat to eat some seafood. And then another one morning to Ipoh for salted steam chicken and came home after makan. From Kuantan, we drove all the way to Kemaman for soft shell crabs and their local kopitiam, then back to sleep. We even drove down to Melaka for local durians (WOHH super LIKE man!) and cendol. Travelled to cendol stall in Melaka TWICE, still haven't gotten to taste it yet :( So, when Chinese New Year and school holidays come, my aunt and her family from Singapore who also LOVE food, ahh picture the rest of it by yourself :P

Yea, good times :)

Tomorrow's breakfast?? Nasi lemak kukus with telur-goreng-sendiri and, for tea, baked moist chocolate cake :D

I'll continue to learn how to cook and bake. And be good cooks like my mom and dad and their mommies and daddies too. Oh yeah, my maternal greatgrandfather was a chef for the British too during their ruling in Malaysia. Proud, heh though I do not know him.

I loveeeeeee food! No, seriously, LOVE G.O.O.D. food :)

Runs in the blood? Teehee!

His 'less than 3'

God's <3 isn't based upon us meeting some expectation or providing something for Him. He simply loves- completely, entirely, without hesitation.

ODJ- Thursday August 4 2011 : God is near.

<3 is love

Desires

Violin? Viola? Or Cello?? Lessons... not sure which ones to pick up. Or should I just continue to drum around. Aiya...

I just remembered something, I need a keyboard too and I haven't made up my mind which one to purchase, more like what functions I need.

And I'm taking the price into consideration too.

It looks really impossible to me to have what I desire, but by faith and prayer He'll provide if it's not harmful for me to have them.

Heart defrosted

My heart has gone through the defrosting process. I finally could tell this to myself. It took a very long time for it to happen. Patient and Endurance were required, but Trust was needed more- the Trust on God to deliver me, restore and renew spiritually.

My heart has gone through the defrosting process. This I know, for my prayer life came back and I could freely and naturally worship Him again in church.

So many things have happened in these two years of my life- so big the changes that impacted me and my family. Through tears and joy, God was with us and He is, even right now. I know.

I cried so much, so hard. So many times I wanted answers from God. He just left me with His Peace. The two years incident traumatized me. No one cared for us. But God did. He has eyes and ears and records everything down in His book. He was gracious, faithful and good to my family. We'll start all over again. It doesn't matter. He is the Most High God we serve. Who else do we need to fear of in this world? No one can come against us as long as God is with us.

It was good to know that God picked me up again and is guiding me back to the path He designed for me.

I agree with "I admit it's so hard and consistent and discipline...Lord, help me please." from Esther's blogpost. "There are times when we find it easy to obey His Word because we feel its truth deep in our hearts. But there are also times when we must choose obedience to its truths, whether we feel like it or not." an article from today's Solid Ground, OurDailyJourney, Regina Franklin.

Please keep defrosting my heart until it gets warm and is flamed up with fire even brighter than the last ones for You.

How hard it is

I shouldn't try so hard in everything that I do.

But what if I don't try hard enough and start to slack without knowing it?

It's too scary. I rather not take the risk.

But sometimes creativity and good production come from NOT trying too hard. (I'm not talking only about music, in general I mean.)

I don't know where's the limit of how hard is too hard.

It's a thin line for me.

Gaaah.

I need to rebuke and get rid of this spirit of perfectionist in me before it gets worst.

Teach and learn

Teaching is fun! If you know what you're teaching. If you don't, you might just confuse the learners.

I just realized that if I want to teach someone, I need to have a system/order/steps when I'm conveying and telling them stuffs that I know. Also, for them to understand best, I need to strategize my teaching that suits them best in learning- by sight, hearing, writing down notes, mind mapping, creating pictures and sound etc.

I was teaching Derrick how to write and remember essays (in BM hwa hwa). Most of the times, Maths too. I like Maths. Chinese school really taught and drilled me Maths like mad for 6 years!

I guess we have to be creative when comes to teaching. Better start training myself for years to come so that I can teach music in a fun way :)

So I learn to teach and teach to learn. Heh.

Early mornings

If I can wake up early in the morning...

as early as 3am to study, mug, and memorize my exam notes,

as early as 5am to catch a movie on tv and (only recently) some Korean drama series on KBS

and

as early as who knows what time to... pee,

then

I should be able to do the same too when it comes to praying for Malaysia!

6am Saturday.

May God rule and reign and bring justice to Malaysia.

That someone

There'll come a time for singles to ponder and wonder about who we'll be loving and marrying someone someday.

I guess the time has not come for me yet, and will never be until the day God smiles and whispers to me, "Go for him!", my heart delights in it, and the green light from my mum and dad. Then I'll know.

It's simple.

I hope.

Sometimes we are asked to wait. But this we know- God's never late!

Till now, purity and guarding my heart.

So so much more to learn.

First gig

I had an interesting and a wonderful experience working as a lounge pianist for 2 days. Actually it's a 1 month job. This week's day 1 was nervous; day 2 was a little more laid back.

The employees were really friendly. They'll go 'sawadica' when they see you or just HI! I had my fuhree meal and drink. Being a pianist to set the mood of a place is important. I cannot be in my own world. I had to feel the mood and feelings of the crowd. There was a teenager who came up to me and complimented my playing. I was really thankful to her and had a nice short talk with her. Apparently, she had one of the same books with me ;) I guess a little encouragement did helped and made a difference in me later on.

Ohhh, did I mention that in the 18 years of my life, the toughest song I ever played and tried playing it over and over again without any mistake IS the happy birthday song. Boiyyyy... simplest tune... and yet I still hesitate in every notes and chords. The guests requested this scary song on my both days of work! Bolehhh tahan lah :D Just follow the flow. Just do it. Nike!

Whatever that I'm doing or wherever am I each day, I thank God for His protection and favour in me. It is also a time for me to test myself and see what God has in mind for me- serving people with music, teaching, writing songs, performing or to work in a studio/company, travel and minister to people with music etc. I don't know yet. Just taking one day at a time, slowly discovering His plan for me :)

It's nice to always wake up with a smile every morning, knowing that God is in control of my music career.

Good week comes from prayers

I had a good week starting from Thursday :D

Thursday : Was practicing in the afternoon. Went and watched the 9.30pm Monte Carlo with Adeline, Darynn and suuuuuurprisingly Darren too! It's a chick flick movie by the way heh heh. Had a greattt time laughing and waaaah-ing at the movie. Reached home at 12.am with a terrible flu as a result of not having enough sleep. Dad prayed with Adeline and me for a good night sleep, and for God to heal my horrible flu.

Friday : Woke up at 6.30am. Flu was completely gone! Time to go for driving test! Sleepy... A bus picked me up from William's at 8.15am. Reached Broga Hill/Nottingham campus then Megah Wangsa to sit for my test. One of the red shirt helpers asked me : xiao mei! shui bu xing a? (Little girl, you haven't woke up ah?) Giving him a blank look, I said yes yes yes yes, I'm very blur now. My clutch had some minor problem, and I drove in senget to the 3 point turn, closed my eyes and told God : pls pls pls don't let me knock the pole again when I reverse. Done! I passed :)

I ended my test at 10.30am. Read a book while waiting for the others to finish. It was already 3.30pm and I became agitated and impatient. What if I didn't reach home on time for work? What if I didn't have enough sleep? While waiting for William to get in the bus, I prayed again: God, please bring William in NOW to the bus because... *screech* the bus door flung opened and William appeared. "OKAY lets goooooo!". That... was reallyyy fast, God! Thank you!! Oh, I almost forgotten something important. 1 minute before I started my test, I texted mom to pray. She was in school. Immediately she got up from her seat, gave homework to her students and dashed out (yeah!) from the classroom and spoke in tongue in prayers for me. I had supports from her prayers too. Love you loads, mum!

Reached home at 5pm. Hungrily ate roti pisang as my late lunch. Then got ready for my first work in Bangsar Shopping Centre- my first job as a lounge pianist! This too, was my prayer to God to open doors of opportunities for me to do different things as a musician. It was a miracle that one of the seniors from ICOM called me up for the job offered. Really nice person. Nervous and tensed up. But I think I did well for my first time, my fingers and feelings were frozen in the first few songs, after awhile I managed to be myself :) Performing or playing in a crowd whatever is it is not really my forte. But it was a good exposure/experience :)

Saturday : I had a goooood sleep! Woke up at 9.20am with a smile. Plan to watch Transformers later, maybe tomorrow after church :D I still have to work tonight lah.

Teehee!

School's starting soon, can't wait! Excited for my next sem (3) :) What else more can it be than to be excited? It's a music school. Okay, quiet time right now :D

Buhbye.

Wisdom is best

I am loving Psalms and Proverbs each day. I hope I can keep up with this oomph, momentum or whatever you call it. It's good to read and learn these two books from the Bible. Psalms gives me inspiration, and Proverbs gives me wisdom, understanding and good sense.

Proverbs, especially, is a direct and straight forward book for me. heh heh. It says good sense will keep us safe. Understanding will guard us. Wisdom will save us from the ways of evil men. It will save us from men who twist their words. When we look for wisdom and understanding, we will understand how to have respect for the Lord, and find how how to know the Lord. He stores up success and guards the path of honest people. He is like a shield to those who live without blame, He keeps them safe. He watches over the way of his faithful ones. Don't let love and truth leave you, then you will find favour and a good name in the eyes of God and people.

One of my favorite verses is Prov 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding. In all your ways remember him. Then he will make your paths straight and smooth.

Hold on to good sense and the understanding of what is right. Then you will go on your way in safety. You will not trip and fall. The Lord is the one you will trust in. He will keep your feet from being caught in a trap.

I remember complaining how terrible it is to be a nicey person to everyone and then they take advantage of me. I got jealous of man who is capable to hurt others. Prov 3:31 says 'don't be jealous of a man who hurts others. Don't choose any of his ways.' Just because I don't know how to react at times but to hold on to my words and look silly, well I'm happy for being who I am. As long as I ask God for wisdom and understanding in being nice, I'm safe, I won't trip or fall in evil men's plan.

Get wisdom. Get understanding Stay close to wisdom and you will be safe. Love her and she will watch over you. Value wisdom, and she will lift you up. Hold her close and she will honor you.

I think it's a good way of preparing myself for testing times and his ministry. God has taken me out of my shell by opening doors to explore new stuffs in music. So, I'm about to be expose to work and world. Like it or not, I have to do it. I'm always so protected staying at home. Time to grow up and wisdom will nurture me. May God's favor be with everyone who wants wisdom :)

crotchet baking

i don't like baking.

after all the yelling and shelling that i got from her, i decided that today will be my last!

i bet today's cupcakes will be the best among all the rest that she made. Know why? That's because I mixed the sugar, butter and flour altogether. Nyek nyek! I'm the first cook ever to never blend the butter and sugar and eggs together. So I separated the FINE GRANULATED sugar and SIFTED flour with a spoon and my bare hands. It was such an exposure and experience, so fine that i'll never forget.

rilek lah you, i started out my first piano lesson by not knowing how to spell 'crotchet'.

so, what's the big fuss?

:} :S :O :) :] a jumble of emotions.

A night witnesses

It was 9pm. My heart skipped a beat. Mom just witnessed a handbag-snatcher (snatch thief) in KL. I saw it too, but not from a good angle. Derrick was just doing his thang- his head was looking down, playing, i guessed with his fingers or he was in his own world. Dad tilted his whole body approximately 160 degree towards mom, and panicked: " WHAT IS HIS TELEPHONE PLATE??". Annoyed, I told him with a frown: "You mean the motorcycle number plate?".

We were waiting on a traffic light, and then a motorcycle with 2 people riding on it swept passed through our car, stopped beside an old shabby teal-coloured proton waja, grabbed her huge white handbag from the passenger's seat! Just in 1 sec. I forgotten to mention, that both her windows were wind down, she probably didn't have air-conditional in her car. Sheesh. Poor lady (aged 20 plus). I could tell that she was too shocked and was in the verge of crying. Thankfully, she still have her handphone with her even though her handbag got taken away.

Mom waved to our 'neighbour' and was like showing the female her handbag, pointing at the incident in front. The female's husband even wind down the window to talk to us but I quickly told mom to NOT to wind down hers, it was too dangerous to talk, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TRAFFIC. But they too saw the whole incident.

Sheesh. Better hope that wouldn't happen to your mommah you thieves!!

To all ladies and mommies out there, never ever leave your handbags or any type of bags, small big dull colourful etc. on your passenger's seat while driving alone, exactly like the victim I witnessed moments ago. It's a bad habit that we must curb. Whether your windows are closed or not, just remember not to put away handbags at places far from you (even if the left side seat seem so near, actually, it's kinda far and dangerousss). Hide them under your feet or somewhere not opened to public's eyes. I really felt for her because we all couldn't do anything to help her, we were all stuck at the traffic and the motorcycle sped off so quickly, leaving the smell of burning tyre and exhaust smoke. Lets pray for safety. God will keep us away from these harmful people.

Yum

The movie Julie and Julia imposed a feeling in me to cook and bake... like a few seconds ago! Teehee!

Remember the times where the lady inside the tv screen was feeding her taste buds with scoops of chocolates, cheezzze and sweet treats of strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, all sort of berries in the whole wide world, pastries, pies, roasted chicken bla bla ... and ... and... all we could only do is to stare at the screen, pathetically, our stomach filled with air and get envied for where she is and what she's doing at that moment.

Like the feeeeeling??

Holiday resolution : cook and bake (as much as I can)!

After all, food is one of ze best ways to win a man's heart. Heh heh. I don't like food, I love them!

Ohhhh, going to the market with Mother tomorrow would be a good way to start? Hmm... Smelly fishy here I come.

The David-Daphne relation

It makes sense!

***

Yesterday 23:09

Looking at myself, I felt small, shy, lack of confidence and realized that I'm not equipped with any equipment! I began to doubt God's plan and the ministry He's about to get me involved. I'd say, even if you're good theoretically about having faith and not to doubt, somehow somewhere down in the recesses of my mind, my faith dwindled. I was deceived by the vicious enemy, the lies felt so real and true to me : What's so special about yourself? You're too young lahh, and inexperienced. D.e.f.i.n.i.t.e.l.y. not up to the standard. Inadequate.

Then God's word (I knew it was his) blew all the devil's lies away, telling him off : So what? Are you making fun of David? Haven't you learnt about the David-Goliath story?

It makes sense!

David the shepherd was shy, goodie, youngest, smallest among his family... was like me! Scrap the youngest part, I'm the middle child fella teehee. God chose him to be king; God chose him out of his 7 brothers; God made him special; God helped him to defeat Goliath! David, he took up the fight. This is really important. If he didn't take up the fight, Goliath wouldn't be killed and wonder what would happen to the Isrealites- the whole nation! He wasn't equipped at all. With just 5 smoothes stones and a sling bag, he struck the giant down. He was brave, the Lord was with him; He was confident, the Lord was with him. Eventhough his oldest brother, Eliab judged him "... I know how proud you are. I know how evil your heart is..." (1 Samuel 17:18), David didn't give up. In fact, he spoke up [to Saul] "..I'll go out and fight him [Goliath]." (1 Samuel 17:32) Not sure what guts he had, probably not much of self confidence but he knew he had to pick the fight.

Composing music sometimes just need to be simple and natural. David took only 5 stones, not with him any military clothes, armor, bronze helmet and sword and training along the battle with the Palestine, it was only God and his stones man! What an incredible amount of faith and testimony. I bet he too did wrestle with God should he go up and take the fight, little did he know it was a fight that has changed a life's time history.

He trusted God, obeyed Him and showed the world that this almighty God can do the impossible.

Support, comfort and courage come from God.

Rilek lah.

:)

Plan B

After months of praying about the directions in pursuing music, and the impatient monster that kept threatening me whenever I didn't get any answers from Him, He finally revealed a puzzle to me just now. A professor of Church Music from Baylor University was the speaker for today's Seminar on Worship. Something kept pinching at the corner of my heart every time he say about "be proud of your Malaysian culture and make them as the element of your music". I felt the urge and burden to write create Christian songs that relate to our Malaysian lifestyle and culture.

Instead of borrowing from Hillsongs and Planet Shakers' songs, even Chris Tomlin or Matt Redman, don't you think that we should come out with our own p&w songs that we can relate to it and make it more personal to our hearts? It's alright to sing Chris Tomlin's and other US faithful composers' songs. However, we too, need to be aware that we have a rich culture here and our very own Malaysian identity that are waiting to be poured out through songs. Picture this :

What is really like of Christmas songs to Malaysians when the lyrics of white snow, cold weather, snow man and warm jacket to keep us out of the cold doesn't even apply to us? In fact, we should be writing and creating new Christmas songs about having nasi lemak for breakfast, daddy in his sarong and humid hot weather on... Christmas day! :) And creating hymnals using the form of a pantun, for example. Or probably come out with a Malaysian version of the Lord's prayer (still keeping the original meaning of it) so that it's easier for non-believers and even believers to truly grasp hold the meaning of it. Or create songs using Malaysian's cool slang language. Then with the right lyrics, instruments and arranging, I'm sure it'll reach out to many lives. Dr. Lim Swee Hong was just saying it and I believe that God is moving Malaysian Christians in this generation to do something wonderful, each having their own role planned neatly and carefully by God. Remember the Malaysia-revival and youth-of-this-generation-involved thingy almost every camp speakers used to talk about, it's sooo happening right now, in fact it has already begun!

This is it. I'm no longer pursuing film scoring, but having two majors in consideration : Contemporary Writing and Production OR Song Writing. If God is crazy and awesome enough to ask me to take up double majors, nothing is impossible, though it's scary and if if if this is what He wants me to do, I shall fear not. Also, considering of pursuing another Bachelor in Church Music in Baylor University. Ahah, back to praying then lahh ;) When we faithfully obey Him, He will DEFINITELY provide, protect and plan niceely for you and me.

New playground soon!

Ok I just ended my semester today teehee! I made it! It felt really fast- from day 1 orientation to blue scales, chord progressions practices to rushing for projects and assignments and exams... the main thing is that I'm moving on to the next semester soon in July, another busy one but it's gonna be a new playground for me. So bring it on! Plan to get a quality keyboard later on too.

I guess I learnt much on improvisation and theory in contemporary music, basic ones, and will go into the deeper advance ones in the next sem. Had fun applying new techniques and, especially, searching for the right feeling when it comes to contemporary and jazz music. I learnt on the types of people too when it comes to music business and friendship. Some will stand by your side no matter what happens, some will tag on the good musicians for personal gain, and some will back bite on each other to... God knows whatever they're thinking. Then again, no one is perfect or is the kindest in the entertaining industry. But then again, hehe, I'm really thankful to have friends to learn with, eat with (ohhh you should see WHAT and WHERE we eat nyek nyek <3), share stories and feelings with etc. We went through the ups and downs together which I'll treasure them always :) My college is friggin happening. It's like a story book to me.

Anyway, May is ending, and June (duhh) is coming. This time I'll make sure that I'll have a REAL break- a break that I never had before. Still, I'll try to learn as many new songs as possible and polish up some techniques in the holidays. Time to catch up with some of my friends too, I think.

Burned Out

I'm just too tired of everything. I'm tired, especially, in taking care of other people's feelings.

Fatigue, i think

My Semester is ending soon... and KungFu Panda 2 is coming out this Thursday! (says my piano teacher)

You've got it! - I've got nothing to blog about anything.

...and my sista is coming back FOR GOOD on the 21st of August soon!

*British slang* Congratzzulation to muy dearezt siztah! A barrister soon ;)

When she comes home, I'll take her to a good chinese restaurant, facial time, watch movies, shop for clothes, go for a camp (YEAH), and start to sort out our wardrobe and rooms, again.

I'm getting my sister back soon! Heh heh heh, I don't have to call up that man/woman to book some movie tickets, talk over the phone for food delivery, guide someone on the road bla bla anything to do with talking to the UNKNOWN... they just creep me out. Teehee!

I'm also just waiting for time to pass where I can get my freakin driving license, it's taking ages for me. Tomorrow, I'll be going for my PRE-test, yeah PRE-test, not even THE test and waking up at 5am soon because I need to be at William's by 6.30am coz they're gonna pick up some other students along the way which pissed me off with their 'warm' service i paid so much you inefficient people i'm just too sleepy im talking rubbish okay good night bye.

Promise for proper updates reeeeeeeal soon.

Psalm 27

(A Psalm of David)

1 The Lord gives me light and saves me. Why should I fear anyone? The Lord is my place of safety. Why should I be afraid?

2 My enemies are evil. They will trip and fall when they attack me and try to eat me alive.

3 Even if an army attacks me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if war breaks out against me, I will trust in God.

4 I'm asking the Lord for only one thing. Here is what I want. I want to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. I want to look at the beauty of the Lord. I want to worship Him in His temple.

5 When I'm in trouble, He will keep me safe in his house. He will hide me in the safety of His holy tent. He will put me on a rock that is very high.

6 Then I will win the battle over my enemies who are all around me. At His holy tent I will offer my sacrifice with shouts of joy. I will sing and make music to the Lord.

7 Lord, hear my voice when I call out to You. Show me your favour and answer me.

8 My heart says, "Look to Him!" Lord, I will look to You.

9 Don't turn your face away from me. Don't turn me away because you are angry. You have helped me. God my saviour, don't say no to me. Don't desert me.

10 My father and mother may desert me, but the Lord will accept me.

11 Lord, teach me Your ways. Lead me along a straight path. There are many people who beat me down.

12 My enemies want to harm me. So don't turn me over to them. Witnesses who tell lies are rising up against me. They are trying to destroy me.

13 Here is something I am still sure of. I will see the Lord's goodness while I'm still alive.

14 Wait for the Lord. Be strong and don't lose hope. Wait for the Lord.

So I did my homework in reading Psalm 27. Thanks Esther for this good psalm you've given to me. It encouraged me.

Ever since I was a kid in kindergarden, I was a bully victim. Not to mention at home too sometimes. But those were the past. Some are still haunting me, some I chose to let them go. Nothing much on the physical side, it was more on the words said that penetrated me mentally and emotionally. Traumatized. I couldn't understand why my 'friends' were being cruel to me. I always play the patient, try to win them back by doing good character. Bleak, it seems. Hopeless. I questioned God too why He never found me good Christian friends to uplift and encourage and hang out together, just like Esther and Phoebe whom I really admire their friendship :) David and Jonathan's story touched my heart too every time I read.

Yes, I know God once said to me, "I am your best friend and they is no one else that understands you like I do." I ought to appreciate such remarks made by Him.

So I grew up with many problematic relationships : 'friends' backstabbing me, 'friends' who used me, 'friends' who tell lies about me, 'friends' who have taken advantaged of me bla bla. I used to go home crying to mom after school. Throughout the years of hard times like these, I learnt how to distinguish sincerity in a person or not. Do not have anything to do with the sly foxes. Instead of acting like another queen bee, I've figure out that the best way is to stay away from them! I won't be like them. Even if I want to, I can't, I'm not capable for some good reasons. I'll always be the "tak kisah pon!" person, though as much as I wanted to bark at them.

I guess it was a training ground for me. I think God is preparing me before I enter the entertainment industry where MORE cunning and unscrupulous people I need to deal with.

Ahhh God, please grant me with Your wisdom more and more each day by reading Your word. I'm sure Your favour will go forth with me when I obey you. I really need You to help me to speak up if there is a need to and not just getting stepped by others. Wisdom is important. For the fear (respect) of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. My enemies will trip and fall when they attack me. Why should I fear anyone when the Lord is with me? I'll always remember that I'm different and not to conform with the world's standard.

I'm a... what?

It finally makes sense to me that... I'm a MUSICIAN! Yes, after 4 months of berbonding-bonding with the notes-and-key signatures fellas. Heh heh heh.

Recalling the old days where I used to sort of drag myself to theory classes, digest all the rules of theory. Then came the loooong practice time for the yearly 3 classic classical pieces where I was taught to get every single note right and perfectly in tune with much expressionne. Never thought of pursuing music as my career. And so I did it just for the sake of passing my piano and theory exams.

And yeah my senses are a bit slow- to realize that my music career is going to be my future! Know why??

I DIDN'T HAVE A BREAK EVER SINCE MY SPM EXAM! before spm i went for tuition like a nerdo, struggled with calculations and formulas and building up some science conscience in me thinking that I was going to be a dentist one day; during spm *nerd look*; after spm STRAIGHT AWAY switched my brain to music audition in ICOM. Plus, it was the busiest month for Christians, no breaks at all. I never had a chance to rot at home just like every other school leavers.

Then, first day of college on the 4th of Jan. Culture shock from pure science environment to music. Simply brilliant. But I thank God that His favour is always upon me- good friends, good teachers, good study results and good transportation to school. I'll still continue to pray where this music career of mine is going to lead me in my ministry. For now, I shall focus on how to be a flexible and spontaneous contemporary pianist.

I'm a musician for Christ! :)

Sulk no more

Looks like God has already prepared me for this outcome. I'm so thankful that I wasn't involved in any of it. I won't want to be a ding dong like you.

God knows best who is it and when is the moment going to take place. Everything I need is You (Jesus!), my beginning and my forever.

I know lah I'm writing something that some of you don't get it :P but for you who already knew it, please keep me in your prayers :)

Sulk no more, suck it up! I'm totally fine :) I just need to depend on God for everything.

Overwhelmed!

okookokokokokkkkkkk! I have something exciting to write today :D

I was disturbed since last week. Restless, I would say. My shoulders were stiff, I was tired, and my church's invited pastor prayed for me. Yes, he prayed for healing for my stiff shoulders, good blood circulation, spirit of heaviness and fatigue to leave me. But I didn't tell him about my restlessness. Yet, he prayed that I need to cast all my anxiety to God and let Him take care of them because I alone cannot do it by my own strength.

***

Lying down on my bed that night, preparing to sleep, I prayed. I wasn't in a praying mood because I was still restless. My mind kept playing back events from school, my past and reminding me of things not done yet- all these nonsense made me restless. And then, God's peace just fell upon me! My heartbeat rate went down, I could feel warmth on my cheek. God just touched my heart.

***

In the train on my way back home today, tired. I laid my head against the wall and then "Pop!". God touched my heart again. "I want you to depend on me." The truth is, besides unsettled schoolworks and applying new techniques onto my piano, I was somewhat worried about relationship stuffs. What if I was too proud? What if my expectations are too high? What if I just missed out the right guy God has planned for me because of my ego? Or because I was too shy or too scared to get involved in a relationship? What if I 'price drop' too much? (Sorry, google translate gave me a VERY direct translation of 'tarik harga' hehe.)

"I want you to depend on me!"

God's answer gave me a clear guidance. I remembered praying to Him "God, if this is not the right person for me, please take away the feelings from each other, because I don't want to waste my time, effort and energy, or ride on an emotional roller-coster, and please let me know whether the outcome is godly in Your eyes." Also, I was put to test too that if I'm involved in the like-you cycle, I tend to depend on that person more than God. That's why God didn't want me to depend on that guy for spiritual growth, instead depend on God for that.

I guessed I'm just hungry and thirsty for God. After the church-spliting incident and the whole starting-out-a-new-church process, I was traumatized. Sometimes I just feel so fed up! Lots of effort needed to be put in to rebuild a church and yeah the devil is not gonna stop working messing things up.

First His peace, then His gentle instruction. I'm grateful and overwhelmed that God still cares and speaks to me just the very right timing even when I became neutral in my walk with Him. Well yeah, I boldly say that my God is real and He is in control of everything. Ok practice time, bye!

He's With Me

My college is just too happening. Once you've missed one day of it, you missed out 1/4 of your life as an ICOM student. Sometimes the happening events could be just so shocking, emo, frightening, disappointing, breath-taking ones, angry, blur, worrying, relationship-in-and-outs, half-hanging stories, wondering stories etc.

And sometimes I'm just too caught up in the middle of this wilderness, got distracted and lacked focus. But there is always a very special and dear Friend by my side. When I feel lonely, He's there to accompany me; When I feel like bursting into tears, He's there to make things go alright; When I feel pathetic and not good enough, He's there to lift up my hopes and confidence; When I'm overjoyed about something and took no notice of Him, He's still there smiling at me. He is there no matter what's happening, and will always be with me.

It's funny to have a 102% loyal friend with me, even when I know that I can't give such commitment to Him. But I pray everyday that I'll learn what is it like to love and respect Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and spirit.

Forever God is faithful, forever God is strong, forever God is with us, forever...

Aha! Something to say

I had a relaxing week this week, and enjoyed my school's (ICOM) tribute to Disney! They were fantastic :) Brought along my two good secondary friends to watch tribute in KLPAC and we had a good time. It felt like we were in secondary school, again :D

College was in pin-drop silent mode, spooky. But everything's gonna get back to normal, tomorrow! That means, I'll have to change to gear 3 to start my assignments and practice, practice, practice and final EXAMS! hwa hwa...

God, this is where I'm going to draw strength and wisdom again from You :) Ohhh and thank You for this good and slow week, though I missed my friends loads because they had to practice for tribute.

Sem 2 is coming to an end soon~ No more MT010 MIDI hee hee! *cheeky look*

Surprise!

Every driving lesson surprised me.

Friday: I drove around Bandar Kinrara (my second lesson)

Sunday (Today): I drove from Puchong to Kelana Jaya!! Highways, big lorries and buses, big T junctions, and appeared-from-nowhere-motorcyclists @.@

Driving is niceee ;)

It also reminds me of Spongebob's boating school :P

Just seriously dislike the part where my driving instructor smoked tonnes of cigarette buds that damaged hundreds of my alveoli and two lungs :S

Oh well, but he's a nice patient man, reminds me of my grandfather- smokes, 4 ekor and drives at 30-40 speed. No one's perfect. Now I'm missing my dear grandfather :)

Glue!

I'm gonna' glue myself to the piano starting from... this weekend!! Arghh, so much to catch up! :)

A Mother's Love

Mom just threw me an awesome steamboat party to celebrate my straight As SPM results.

Thank you mom for your cooking, preparation, strength, effort and LOVE!

I love you so much and I appreciate you loads <3

Mom has taught me the value of love. I grew up with her love- preparing breakfast before school, took time to coach me story telling during primary school days,my home-made-with-much-love January birthday cakes, birthday square pizzas back in Mentakab, be my listening ear to ALL stuffs that I'm facing in life, knows my favourite food, never gives me stress on my studies, buys me stuffs when she sees stuffs that reminds her of me, supportive mom and corrects me when I'm wrong.

Most of the time, I see myself as my mom in the next 10 years! I like mom's detailed, thoughtful and neat personality. I looked like my dad, but character wise I'm alot like her, an exact photocopy of mom. That includes me being a light-sleeper just like her! And, we can't sing in tune but have all the notes right in our heads, we just can't deliver the notes perfectly :D

I'm super blessed to have a mom like her.

This is for you, Mommy Wee!

:D

(she looks kinda serious in the picture :P we were in Bangkok, but she's the cool, jolly, friendly and humorous type of mom teehee!)

Oh and, she even baked Esther a birthday cupcake last year on Skype hehe! Because of mom, I learn to be thoughtful and appreciative towards my family and friends :)

I've found you!!

... Cissy Crackers! Nyek nyek!

After 4 months of searching for this crackers, it really cracked me! I couldn't find it in Tesco, Giant, Cold Storage, Carrefour, Jusco, air-conditional malls, cold places, etc. Finally, I've found it in a pasar malam :D

Cheap and nice!

But the manufacturer changed the cartoon, and the crackers have tiny holes and initials C.H.E.E.S.E. It was thicker the last time too. Hmm...

But, I thank God for remembering my prayer I made : "Lord, I want my cissy crackers..." and HERE YOU ARE!

I gobbled a packet of it on the way home just now before I could snap a full picture teehee!

Cissy Crackers = Me and Esther's childhood favourite crackers. (nope, actually, it's her favourite crackers, I like it because it reminds me of her :) hehe)

Good times!

First of all, I miss this! SMK Seksyen 3 Bandar Kinrara's DRAMA team. I went back to school for results and heard from juniors (which is now the seniors in school :P) that things are not the same anymore. Ah well, I know that feeling. Years past and team members changed, newbies and drama-actors-actress wannabe will be recruited. Mood changed. Different characters. But only one who did not change- Pn. Suneeta! :D The teacher-behind-the-scenes, whom she gave loads of encouragement to everyone. I've been in the team since 2006-2010 hee hee. Definitely stressful but with lots of funny, frustrating, embarrassing, emotional whatever moments you name it. Lots of wonderful memories in that good 5 years. Hey, I cherish my friends well :)

Aha! Caitlen, me like! Talented girl.

2008 drama- airplane crashed, ugly truths revealed story. This was the MOST memorable year : my face reacted to that make-up chemical, rashes eww...

2009 drama- family crisis with twisted plot story, incredible! We won for state level.

And the finale, I miss these models-wannabe. The one on the left, doesn't even know how to pose~ nyek nyek!

<3

To Esther my sister, Angel and Doreen my church buddies where we grew up together, hugs and tiong!

Need some rest

I'm so very tired. My legs are sore. Physically and mentally, I'm drained. I've been practicing a lot in school, classes after classes then non-stop practices. But I'm happy after tomorrow! My Friday Performance for Sem2 is gonna be over! Trust me, I prefer to do back stage stuffs :P not so much of a crowd-attention seeker. I wake up at 7am, come home at 9.30pm. This is thrice the stress of secondary school life! Friends have been asking me to stay in the Heritage. Nah! Broken lifts/elevators scare my soul.

After tomorrow... no rest yet. Start doing my assignments, go for Dawn prayer in church, youth prayer lead this Sunday and I haven't had time to seek God on how to lead, meet my Sek 3 school friends, start PS practice on Monday, ICA 2 coming up gota start studying and pass my driving test!

When can I rest properly?? I've been having my auto leg-cramps during my sleep. Guessed I walked too much! God, I need some rest! Please? However, I still find joy in doing whatever that I'm doing now :)

PTL

I always write this PTL initial at the back of my EVERY test papers since Standard 1.

PTL : Praise The Lord.

It's a small way to show my appreciation to Him and to acknowledge Him. Without Him, I wouldn't be able to do well for my test.

Whatever results they are, I believe that it was Him who have helped me achieved marks higher than I have expected. And I'm very thankful for His grace and elephant memory to study. So yeah, this is for You!! Thank You for Your another wonderful blessing in my SPM results : a string of As

PTL!

<3

Patience

I'm writing it in an informal way, just a thought :

I always look up to the seniors in my school, whom they are simply awesome pianists or multi-taskers. Some are really talented yet humble. Feeling so curious, I wonder how did they manage to pick up quickly and apply anything that they have studied into their playings. I think to myself, when will I be like one of them? It takes seasons to be well groomed in our own field. At times, I feel so lost do not know how to improve myself by applying contemporary harmony into my playing, or whatever it needs to do so. Blues and modes for example, and I don't know how and what to practice :S Gaaah, I'm such a bookworm, give me anything to study I can 'digest' and then 'vomit' them out and that's not so a good thing. Music is a subjective course. That's why, I need You Lord so much to so help me in providing me wisdom, skills and PATIENCE throughout my practice time and classes in school.

I'm feeling much intimidated by them even if they tell me that I'm good which I think I'm not :')

* For Esther, my dear sister if you're reading this, my quiet time is fine and don't worry about me. I think I'm spending most of my quiet time on the train :) I think it's pretty cool haha. Month of June come quickly so that I can see you! <3

Ask and you shall receive

Another day of school life:

Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it will be given to you. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you.

I never thought that my simple yet detailed prayer I made during my walk to school this morning could carry much weight and impact on me today. That was because I asked God for a fruitful day- a day where I could learn good techniques to be a better pianist and where I have to come out from my comfort zone. Faith as small as a mustard seed still counts!

• I reached school, couldn't get myself a piano room :S Finally bumped into Li Ching at the RIGHT time and borrowed her room (again :P). As I was practicing Isaac's exam piece, my "master" came in to put his guitar stuffs. I bet he couldn't get a room too nyahaha! The next thing I knew he was teaching me how to do solo. "Since you're my "slave", I should be teaching you stuffs too hehe..." I was "sold" to Aleif as "slave" in a student counsel meeting.

• At 2pm, I went in for my PI class. Mr. Wee Lern, my piano teacher taught me something I always wanted to learn! Walking-base and improvisation. In half an hour's time, I managed to receive his brilliant interesting documents as much as I can into my cerebrum. And yesh yesh, I did asked him questions too and got the answers from him.

• When I walked out from my PI classroom, Jun had to tell me the bad news- English class is cancelled! Whaaaaat?? I came all the way from Puchong and took the "Eleven Bus" (my two legs, " I I " ) just to attend a 1/2 hour PI class for today? The moment I stepped out the room, I saw Li Ching again but with Kevin. He was so kind enough to share with us on jazz and blues improvisation and practice techniques, for almost an hour! And, good thing I managed to ask him about my FP piece which he gave some interesting ideas about it. Ahh, and later I got to tour Setapak town with Anna, Joanne and Li Ching. Toooooo bad Ramly burger near Wangsa Maju was not opened :( gaaah, another time... another time :D

So yeah, this is another one of my fruitful days. God knows my needs and have already gone ahead of time to arrange all my life events properly, with detailed. I like detailed work. And He knows best too not to allow me in participating tribute to Disney. I can't cope with it because I have other responsibilities to take up ;)

I'll Be There, Daphne!

Being in the hospital for an hour really got me into much thinking. I saw doctors and nurses and the white team, together they worked hard to treat patients. I struggled, again. My ego jumped out of the box. I was reminded about how close I was to study medicine. Since I'm such a bookworm and considered having the 'kiasu' syndrome, I thought I could make it in the medical field. The desire to study again chemistry and biology was overwhelming. Ironically, what am I doing with music? Was it the right thing to pursue my passion? My talent? My calling? My ministry? Doctors healed patients and some even ministered to them too!

The next thing I knew, I was sitting in my uncle's car on the way home. Still battling with the medicine-music thingy. The radio was switched on but my mind wasn't in tune to it. Then, my attention was captured on a beautiful petite rainbow (no kidding, it was really small out of nowhere hanging on the sky! ) that symbolized God's promise {to Abraham that He will not flood the earth again}. In a split second my mind was in tuned to the music on aired - The Jackson 5's chorus, I'll Be There.

I'll be there, I'll be there, wherever you need me, I'll be there,

I'll be there I'l be there, just call my name, I'll be there.

Immediately, I was filled with God's peace. I was enlighten! Delighted! Though I didn't bring my struggles to Him, afraid that He would get fed up with me (which obviously He won't, my mind was playing tricks on me), God still loves and cares for me and talks to me in ways I never expected. I teared.

You're being short-sighted. Look beyond and put your hopes in Me. Be patient, and I'll groom you.

I need You! I'll call Your name! Thank You for being there for me! <3

My cousie and me

This is Adeline Wee. We grew up together. She knows a lot about me and my friends (sometimes it's scary jeng jeng jeng jeng :P). Come to think about it, she's like my second elder sister. We almost talk about everything under the sun, the moon and the stars. Ahh well, we are still finding time to go shopping, maybe tomorrow, maybe not, maybe the next time, maybe later laa :D She buys me clothes and teaches me about "how to put your make-up" and some hair techniques which I'm pretty noob about it. Basically, I'm just a very simple girl, who also won't dye my hair even if I have thousands of white-grey hair at the age of who knows. Weeeee! Right now, she's here with me once again, crashed in my room, enjoying each other's company. I don't have time to scan our baby and pre-teen photos (once upon a time when I was a tom boy and she, the lovely dovey friendly kid). Us being girls, here are some pictures :P

Adeline (left) the smart one who also scored 4 flats for her STPM I'm so proud of her!

<3

Okay, I'm feeling sleepy now *yawns*. But before I sleep, I'm gonna hit some keys on the piano. Will be trying out some Blues~ and Modes learnt in a clinic today teehee!

I think Contemporary Jazz music is awesome, got the hang of it now, and learning it. Hopefully by December, I can jazz up some Christmas songs and my sister is going to sing!

Nyek nyek :D

Read till Sleep

I just feel like reading the Bible until I fall asleep.

People pleaser

I'm battling with myself every time I make a decision. To say YES or NO does affect friendships, surrounding and me. So I decided to always sacrifice my own self, time, effort, sleep, strength, health and studies and try my best to compromise with them. Then again, I felt that I was cheated and have been taken advantaged by others. Selfish. Not everyone is a friend. Disappointed. Worst, the many sacrifices done are not being appreciated.

It seems so difficult for me to be in this position :'( How do I become smart to decline people in a nice way? Or do I just need to be firm with myself. Maybe I'm just too nice to everyone. But I can't afford to hurt their feelings. So the best way is to just stifle up myself? To swallow down the pressuring gas alone? Just to prevent further arguments and the emotional pushing-and-shoving here and there? I'm very sure God doesn't want that to happen. That's why He gave each of us wisdom, discernment and a choice to make.

Why is it so hard to say NO?

I should really start to think for myself and not do everyone a favour or to take in all of their feelings. Then again, this requires some wisdom.

I'm feeling overwhelmed and overloaded.

A Moment of Silence

He loved photography.

He used to snap and wash out individual pretty pictures of us in church, then gave it to each of us.

He washed two pictures of me taken from him during our Korea evangelism trip. Still keeping them.

He reminded me of a good, loving, and faithful husband.

He always come to church faithfully with aunty Yap.

He waited for his beloved wife to finish her choir practice session in church.

He supported the church choir group and was the only one who clapped for us during practice.

He was 81 years old but deep down in him, there was still a youthful spirit in him.

He sat like a youth macho-boy style during service.

He always had that bright smile that made everyone smiled when we see him.

He used to buy char-siew-pau and nasi lemak after Saturday dawn prayer.

He used to have a cup of tea in church and sat down having breakfast with us.

May you rest in peace Uncle Yap. Will see you again in Heaven one day.

:)

Wondering

I'm missing praise and worship session in youth!

:')

Cheer up

Music school is not that easy! Generally, nothing is easy in life.

How I'm missing the 'easier' life of a SPM student.

I get so nervous when I perform. I get even more nervous when the air-con is on full blast and my fingers got frozen. I think I'm stressing myself too much preparing for my Friday Performance, Performance Studies, Private Instructor 1 exam pieces, scales and arpeggio, my friendsss' PI 1 class songsss and Contemporary Harmony. gaaah! Scary.

Okay, here's a good way to distress. Tom and Jerry's pianist always play good music. Nice blending in. One of the good reasons why I so want to do film scoring woohoo :D

Below : Both songs from Tom and Jerry, if you remembered. Derrick is still watching it, so I got familiarized with the songs :)

Extra : The brazilian pianist below played really well! Go check him out in... you know which tube :) Tico-tico is a good song too. Feels weird to see him ALWAYS jump onto his seat before playing.

Need an answer from You

What has Jazz playing got to do with my ministry in future?

I was just wondering...

Searching answers from God.

Need an answer from You.

Blue scales in B flat major key is so annoying.

surprise!

I was kinda disappointed on Thursday last week. But I still thank God for not giving me the green light to be in Disney tribute :D As I was sulking over the disappointment that I faced, tired, energy drenched from the everyday-LRT-travelling routine, I received a phone call from my friend, Alex. I was supposed to meet him at 5pm but it was already 6.25pm. Then he drove over to my house. I peered outside the compound of my house and saw a pretty girl in the front seat. Caitlen?? (his sister) Nah, it was...

Faith! *Who is she??*

She's one of my besties in secondary school, everyday called each other and had long chat over the phone about stuffs (nyek nyek), one of the blues-also known as PREFECTS, likes to design cards bookmarks and always made something out of nothing, we sang and played piano together in school and home, we tongue-twist when speaking Bahasa Melayu and freaked out during BM Lisan, moved to home schooling at the age of

14 or 15, missed her loads since then. I can't pen everything down here in this blog, but yeah she's still my good friend :D

So the two surprised me on that cheerful evening! Technically, it was Alex who wanted to surprise both of us, but Faith found out soon that she'll be seeing me. "Better surprise one than none"- Alex hahaha. *clicks the 'like' button on the happy three old friends photo above*

Me looking all messed up from that picture above, I don't care :P As long as we looked happy in the photo, everything's picture purfecto :D

PS : My very own cousin, Stanley Wee thought that the left-most girl who tied her hair up was Angel Ooh @.@

***

We looked alike seriously??

You are God alone!

*please put the music on when you read this nyeheh :) *

We had youth fellowship today again. I really miss it so much after a long time of distress in church- it was a painful yet needed-to-be-done split.

Darynn led us in worship and Angel led us in the activities. Today, it was about remembering God's blessings and to remember Him in all the good times and bad. Deuteronomy 8:1-20 teaches us to remember the Lord Your God. For me, we start small again and God will see us through the seasons and He will definitely multiply His people here. I pray that His assurance and encouragement will always uplift His sheep here. Snapping photos in our handphone, eg. the park, the electricity, the hands to play the piano, the cross Jesus is in our heart, the friends, the mamak, the Ramly burger stall etc. reminds us that God is with us everywhere we are, His blessings and doings.

We had prayers in pairs/groups, sharing about the "How are you now lah?" topic and I really really cherish these times of praying together :'(

I tell myself, I'll not dwell in the past, good ol' times and look forward to God's kingdom. *wipes tears away* And I do miss my friends over the other side- Doreen, Vivian, Grace and Gyn Fei.



You are not a God
Created by human hands
You are not a God
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a God
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that's just the way it is

[chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You're the only God
Whose power none can contend
You're the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
You're the only God
Who's worthy of everything we can give
You are God
And that's just the way it is

[chorus]

[bridge]
Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

Rain or shine

Firstly, I didn't know that Semester 2 is so stressful and hectic in school. Besides the good companions in school, the theory and amount of homeworks and preparations needed to be done are... indescribable.

I have like upcoming performance in March to do which I'm like only a beginner :'( and the school is having a tribute for every semester, this semester will be a tribute to Disney! Really hope that I have the time for audition, like next Monday gaah! And my Contemporary Harmony class left me half hanging where I wasn't familiar AT ALL with the jazz chords! How do you expect me a classically trained pianist to listen and determine dominant 7 sus or the minor maj 7 or minor 7 flat 5 chords immediately in class?! *faints* but I like the cool chords though teehee. AND I totally freaked out during MIDI music Technology class because they are so...so... technical -.- pfft. Ear training was fun, I love the tapping but definitely not so much on the singing, still trying hehe :D

I guessed I need to pour in double effort to fit in to this jazz contemporary music school. "Alah bisa tegal biasa". Also, the blue scales are pretty fun and interesting to learn too. My piano teacher drafted me some jazz chord progressions which I have to get familiarized with them as soon as possible, or else I'll be left behind. In conclusion, school is fun and it can get stressful too.

***

Rain or Shine, God is with me. I was walking to school today. Just me, the sunlight and my shadow. Perfect! Well close to. Then I remembered a Sunday school song taught by Uncle Sai Kee back in Mentakab, Pahang :

Walking with Jesus

Walking everyday, walking all the way

Walking with Jesus

Walking with Jesus alone.

Walking in the sunlight

Walking in the shadow

Walking everyday

Walking all the way

(x2)

When I remember that He died for me

To the world that I'll never return-ur-ur

When I remember that He died for me

To the world that I'll never return

No, no, no no no to the world that I'll never return (x2)

Ah yes, walking in the sunlight, shadow, everyday, all the way, my dear Jesus is watching after me. Feeling so loved by Him, I'm a very happy kid. When I was about to walk home carrying my MIDI keyboard, the sky poured down heavy droplets of rain (not in pouring sheet yet), pricking the delicate skins of humans. Oh no... I quickly pray that God You please please please hold the rain until I reach my train station. It's a 15-20 minutes walk. The moment I reached the platform, standing behind the yellow line, the rain came down in pouring sheet! Waow, I was really thankful. I wasn't lucky, I was well taken care of by God today, yesterday, tomorrow and forever :)

<3

Again, rain or shine, God is always with me! Teehee!

Just another day

I passed! Nah, not my driving test hee. No not yet. I passed Sem 1 and got in to Sem 2! The best part was my good friend Jo Yee will be in the same Sem with me whee! Plus, my 2 other good friends, Jun and Joanne who took a different course will be in the same Sem too. OKay okie, so generally the J trio that I've met (including me, four) in day 1, became BFFs :D

Dr. Sergio, one of the lecturers from Spain, who holds a phD in Music, marked our Theory test. Friendly teacher, I hope. God blessed me with a 100 in Theory and 85 in English. I'm one happy kid :) Also, only 9/56 students were placed in Sem 2. God is good to me and my family. Saved up time and money.

We had ice breaking today, the talk-about-yourself part was bit nervous for me. Another best part was, my group won for the treasure hunt, surprisingly, and we got a T-shirt each teehee! Credits to the boys who were the walking brains. And I'm officially an ICOM student cause' I got my student ID today. Finally a student card in my life, can go and watch movies in cheaper rate nyek nyek!

Feeling blue

That whole grading system for exams and credits, scared me out today in school. I have to maintain a very high GPA and CGPA because of Berklee's standard. Just hoping that God would sostenuto (sustained, in English) me and me not sospirando (sighing) with the high competitive musicians in school. Tomorrow will be my placement test results- either I got in to Semester 1 or 2, the better ones would be in Sem 2, and I definitely need to be in Sem 2 but God, it's so up to You to where You're going to place me in.

Gaaah! I felt extremely disappointed with myself today! I should have stood up for God when teacher asked "who plays gospel songs?" Ughhh! It was like something has been holding back my hands from raising it high up. Was it pride? Was it my shy timid self confidence? I never felt so tiny before for this whole stand up for Jesus thing. Then he went on with "Oh so none is religiousss (sort of like poking fun) here right?" I was pissed man! With myself more. I should have raised my hand. I really should have done it.

I'm feeling very crappy right now.

:'(




I'm sorry for letting You down today. The whole song made me cry especially the ending part.

College

... was fun! We had a whole week of auditions, tests, orientation, and making new friends. It was pweety awesome today :)

In the morning, I couldn't eat my bread with scramble eggs gaah. I had butterflies in my stomach, even that night before Monday too :( . That was frustrating. I felt like it was my first day going to kindergarden- Remembering the good ol' days where I held daddy's neck so tightly that I wouldn't let him leave me ALONE in the kindergarden for work. During normal schooling days, I'd be the happiest person to wallop two pieces of bread at home tadaa!

Anyway, my new friends were good people, these people were super talented in their field. I met a drummer who played fantastic cool beats, jammed with another incredible hand-swifting guy pianist. The rest of us (people like me nyek nyek!) could only carry on with the waahs and oohs for them being spontaneous. My first friend was an adult music teacher. Pretty interesting huh? She wanted to try out something new- business in music. One senior (also a geng guy pianist) came to greet us and made us felt like home in ICOM.Mostly there were foreigners- Taipei, Iran, Indonesia, Myanmar, Slovakia or Slovenia wherever they came from and lots of others more. Met mostly pianist, drummer and vocalist, haven't got a chance to meet some guitarist, violinist etc. yet.

The travelling part was a little horrifying. My backside was aching when I came home for dinner. I've never walked for so long and so fast before! (besides shopping hehe)

I guessed day two tomorrow wouldn't be that terrifying cause' we're TEST FREE! (for now). Hope to meet and talk more with new friends I didn't get a chance to do so today. I'm a shy shy person teehee! :p